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Big family holiday aibu

(33 Posts)
Billybullshitterz Wed 05-Apr-17 12:43:57

Hello vipers help me get some perspective here. My parents are both hale and hearty and are both hitting the big 60 this year. As part of their celebrations they have decided to rent a villa somewhere hot and sunny for three weeks this summer. They have their best friends spending time with them and have invited my brother, his lovely girlfriend and my 20 year old DS to visit them for part of the time. I'm a teacher obviously restricted to holidays and am feeling just a bit miffed that she has booked the villa for September meaning me or DP attending is not an option. I was simply told that they were all going then and thats that. DP could go but hasn't been invited. I know it's their birthday so up to them what they decide what they want and I'm sure DS is going to love a week or so with grandparents and Dbro.

As an aside they are all attending a big overseas family wedding that again I can't attend because of work, I'm fine with this but for some the holiday plans do smart a little. So AIBU to feel a little pissed off that I'm being excluded or smile sweetly and let them get on with it? grin

JonesyAndTheSalad Thu 06-Apr-17 12:27:15

Perhaps they can't afford the prices during the holidays.

Allthebestnamesareused Thu 06-Apr-17 13:34:03

There is a big difference between the 6 week state school holiday prices and the September prices for a villa. Also maybe they don't want to be surrounded by screaming schoolkids whilst on their breaks.

Billybullshitterz Thu 06-Apr-17 13:39:44

I understand that. And at the end of the day they can do as they wish. I just feel excluded from their celebrations. When I had my recent big birthday I made sure everyone who wanted to was involved. I know it's their choice but no way would I want to exclude a DC from a big family celebration.

EnormousTiger Thu 06-Apr-17 14:08:03

You could offer to pay the villa hire additional cost of its being in August I suppose. There is no easy answer on this one. I pay a huge lot more for us all to go on holidays in school holidays because I want to include all the family (have had children at school for 30 years so far and counting!)

MatildaTheCat Thu 06-Apr-17 14:26:46

It does seem a shame that they couldn't do one week at the end of August followed by two cheaper weeks in September. I doubt that would have broken the bank as the last week of August is often cheaper than earlier in the school holidays.

I'd feel miffed, too so YANBU.

livefornaps Thu 06-Apr-17 14:33:30


livefornaps Thu 06-Apr-17 14:35:00

Get one of those tropical wallpaper backgrounds & post a load of sarcastic photos of you with a cocktail in one hand and your marking in the other while they are away

wannabestressfree Thu 06-Apr-17 14:40:44

I am with Matilda. They could have gone over the last week then into September. We can't just ask for time off in education....

alittlequinnie Thu 06-Apr-17 14:45:16

I would feel miffed too OP. My Mum and Dad do this all the time. They say they are doing something alone and then they invite my brother along - to me if you are going to invite one you have to open the floor to the entire family - in my case that includes me and my daughter and husband and in your case that includes you and your DP. I would feel really hurt too - especially as the wedding was already a no go area.

Have you asked them why they couldn't have booked at a time when you could have gone?

I know it is their birthday and their choice but they seem to want "family" there so surely that includes you?

garbagegirl Thu 06-Apr-17 14:49:18

I would be annoyed and a bit sad. Could you talk to them and tell them how you feel?

Outbackshack Thu 06-Apr-17 14:52:39

I would definitely be hurt by this too. I am guessing if they can afford a villa for 3 weeks that paying slightly extra for the first week to fall out if the holidays wouldn't have impacted in them much.

expatinscotland Thu 06-Apr-17 15:09:53

A lot of places rent out for the entire month of August because it's so popular. It may well be they couldn't even get a villa in August.

FrenchLavender Thu 06-Apr-17 15:12:32

I don't blame you for being miffed, that seems rather a thoughtless thing to have done. If it were me I'd far rather have a week or two at a more expensive peak time when all my children could be with me to celebrate than have three weeks at a cheaper time when one of them was automatically excluded. sad

sparechange Thu 06-Apr-17 15:13:25

Can you go for a weekend?
Friday night to Sunday night?
It isn't the same as a long holiday but you can still celebrate with them

billybullshitterz1 Thu 06-Apr-17 15:15:51

Hi Op here. Have had to do a very slight Namechange

I would do but it's all booked. I can totally see their reasons for not wanting to go in high season but a few days overlap could easily have been arranged. DM said it would be too hot in Aug so booked for Sept. I know it's being petty but all everyone is discussing is the Summer. I feel sad knowing that it was all arranged and my DP wasn't even asked as they do all get on well. I do love Matilda's response I may do that as a bit of a Mickey take.

We did speak about it and DM did say she felt 'bad' I was planning to her away for her birthday but I am seriously thinking nope just a nice gift will suffice. I will make some plans for the summer and let the fam get on with theirs. My DS will enjoy it which is good.

Bluntness100 Thu 06-Apr-17 15:19:08

Why have you had to do a name change?

PigletWasPoohsFriend Thu 06-Apr-17 15:21:28

Why name change? It's bad form.

billybullshitterz1 Thu 06-Apr-17 15:21:39

I'm setting up my new phone and mistakenly deactivated when sorting out the app. I wouldn't use my old username so changed it slightly

GeekyWombat Thu 06-Apr-17 15:22:56

How far away are they going? Could you do a weekend if you flew out late Friday night say?

billybullshitterz1 Thu 06-Apr-17 15:26:21

It's about a two hour flight so could do a weekend.

GeekyWombat Thu 06-Apr-17 15:29:45

How about scoping out with them whether that would be an option? Could you crash for a night or two and then everyone do a special celebratory dinner? Or is there a nearby hotel / B&B / something for you near there? Would you be happy to do that?

Dumbo412 Thu 06-Apr-17 15:35:31

The price difference can be up to double, what about asking them to change date so you can join and chip in?

billybullshitterz1 Thu 06-Apr-17 15:38:43

Could be plan wombat I will ask DP and see if that is doable. He often works shifts so may not have a weekend and would like to include him. I do feel like the ship has sailed a little as discussions and bookings have been made with the assumption that I will be busy working so can't come (which is the case) I may suggest the possibility Thanks all! smile

billybullshitterz1 Thu 06-Apr-17 15:46:43

I would have paid my way Dumbo and could have added extra to make the dates work. The problem is they've gone ahead and booked it. I know the holidays are pricy. We have had family holidays in the past at a time that suits us all and it's worked really well. They said the reason for going was the temperature not money. I know they don't mean to upset me. Think I'm just feeling a little excluded because I'm missing the wedding as well, but know that really can't be helped

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