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AIBU in regards to making contact?

(8 Posts)
ETanny Tue 04-Apr-17 19:42:14

Hi, I just wanted other people's opinions on this situation or if I am being unreasonable and should keep doing what I am doing.

I am wanting to wait for my DM to call me instead of me always being the one to reach out to her just to see how long it is before she makes contact.

It feels like it's always me who calls her and asks how she is doing for a general chitchat. We go to see her in person once a month due to my husbands shift pattern, me working in a school, having DC who are also of school age and us living over an hour away.

The two times she does seem to call me are when she falls out with my younger sister and she calls me in tears with what my sister has done wrong this time, that she is never going to talk to her again, that she's gone too far this time and then a few days later her and my sister are as they always have been and their argument is forgotten. She'll also call me by mistake (this happens at least twice a week) and will go 'I didn't mean to call you, I was trying to call DSis' and before I have had chance to even ask how she is etc she has said bye and hung up on me.

When we do talk she doesn't ask how my kids are but will rave for ages about what my nieces have been up too and when I do mention my girls I am shot down with the great things my nieces have done or will be doing.

So not to drip feed... my mum is also the sole carer of my disabled uncle and has been for the last 19yrs and he is currently battling cancer. We also lost my dad to cancer nearly 4yrs ago too.

Dairymilkmuncher Wed 05-Apr-17 10:17:10

With these family things I always ask myself:
How I would feel if he/she dropped down dead tomorrow?

Personally I would regret not calling my mum for the chit chat calls same with my sis who is an absolute pain and mentally ill, she never calls to see how I am or my kids but if I stopped making the effort And the worst happened I would regret it forever

WorraLiberty Wed 05-Apr-17 10:27:32

What has she said when you've told her you'd like her to phone you more often?

Does she say she will?

JustSpeakSense Wed 05-Apr-17 10:32:01

Why don't you explain to her how you feel, and then see if things improve.

It sounds like you may be the 'dependable' DD and she just relies on you always being there for her. If she realises she appears to be overlooking you and your feelings are hurt, then I'm sure things will change.

ETanny Wed 05-Apr-17 15:52:26

Warra - She says she forgets. However I find that hard to believe when she can remember to call my sister two or three times a day.

ETanny Wed 05-Apr-17 15:55:26

Justspeaksense... my DH has said that before, that I am in a stable relationship, married and have a lot less 'drama' in my life so she doesn't need to worry about me. I just feel a call every once in a while when she does mean to call me would be nice.

MollyHuaCha Wed 05-Apr-17 15:56:16

My mum never calls me. I think it stems back to the mentality that making a phone call used to be expensive and she has always been a frugal person. I always call her and she's glad to hear from me. But she'll rarely call me back even though her phone package includes free calls... the last time she called me was around September.

MariafromMalmo Wed 05-Apr-17 16:32:14

My mother also never calls. When I am at my best I can say it is her social anxiety talking. But mostly I just see it as her rejecting me as a human being. That I'm not worth the effort of finding out whether I am alive or dead.
She has called me once in the 25 years since I've left home.

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