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Should I expect my partner to stay with me after my surgery when he has started a new early am job and his car has broken down

(20 Posts)
Tw1nklestartoes Tue 04-Apr-17 17:53:33

We usually stay at his an I drive but I can't drive as just out of surgery and my partner dropped me off at hospital then said his car broke down so can't visit or pick me up and will borrow a car to shop for me and visit me tomorrow but won't be able to stay at mine when I'm out of hospital as has started a new job. Pleased about the job but think I would make more of an effort for him. AIBU?

coolaschmoola Tue 04-Apr-17 17:56:21

No car and new job, but is borrowing a car, shopping for you and visiting you?

Sorry, but you are being a bit unreasonable.

What extra effort would you like him to make in addition to the above? Should he not start the job?

Amockingjayhey Tue 04-Apr-17 17:57:51

I probably wouldn't no. If i needed that much support at home I'd not want to be discharged yet. Is there anyone else who can give you a hand?

PlayOnWurtz Tue 04-Apr-17 17:57:56

Yabu he's doing all he can under the circumstances give the guy a break and see if someone else can help

TwentyCups Tue 04-Apr-17 17:58:02

Sorry but you are being unreasonable.

That said, it's not nice to be alone when you come back from hospital. Can you ask any family or friends to visit?

Tw1nklestartoes Tue 04-Apr-17 17:58:56

I would have visited today and stayed round when out of hospital but got up earlier to get to work

EachandEveryone Tue 04-Apr-17 18:02:24

What can he do if he stays with you? What kind of op have you had? How long have you been with him?

It wouldn't both me been on my own TBH. If the shopping was done for you then I'd enjoy being on my own.

Lweji Tue 04-Apr-17 18:03:52

You don't even live together. How long is the relationship?

But it depends. What does staying at yours entail?
Do you have friends or family who can pick you up?

I'd see how I felt after surgery.

Having said all that, he doesn't seem to have long term potential. A committed partner would take a cab if necessary and be there for you.

unfortunateevents Tue 04-Apr-17 18:05:30

How can he visit you today when his car has broken down? And how can he stay at yours and still get to work without a car? YABU.

Tw1nklestartoes Tue 04-Apr-17 18:06:59

Been together a year and spend nights together usually. Only for moral support.

WellErrr Tue 04-Apr-17 18:09:04

Nope, job is more important, rubbish as that sounds.

Sorry flowers

Tw1nklestartoes Tue 04-Apr-17 18:11:31

Could have just got a train to visit today and we do usually stay together.

Tw1nklestartoes Tue 04-Apr-17 18:12:33

Always helps to get another view before launching into a row 😮👍🏻

NonsensicalNonsense Tue 04-Apr-17 18:13:55

It all sounds like very convenient excuses to me.

Tw1nklestartoes Tue 04-Apr-17 18:15:45

me too nonsensicalnonsense

kali110 Tue 04-Apr-17 18:16:35

Imm slightly confused but if im eading it right i think yabu.
Sounds like he's doing a lot for you already.

Tw1nklestartoes Tue 04-Apr-17 18:20:19

Lweji that was my thinking. I would have just used public transport. Bit worried it is a sign I ought act on sooner rather than later.

user1483387154 Tue 04-Apr-17 18:22:20

from what you have written YABU

edwinbear Tue 04-Apr-17 18:27:12

YABU. I had major surgery a few years back which meant staying in hospital for 5 days and being signed off work for 7 weeks. DH neither visited me, nor collected me from hospital as he was at work and taking care of DC. I was being well looked after by medical staff and a close friend drove me home. Of course it would have been nice to see him, but it wasn't practical. It didn't cross my mind that he was making excuses!

DoloresTheRunawayTrain Tue 04-Apr-17 18:49:23

He has just started a new job and his car is in a state of disrepair (or it probably wouldn't have broken down if it had been regularly serviced) and he may be facing a large bill to repair it. This suggests money for him is quite tight at the moment.

He has already sorted the practicalities for you so you have to do as little as possible when you get out and still that's not good enough for you. You want him to risk his new job too. Public transport may cost a fortune (that he needs to use to keep his new job which will be very insecure atm)/not stop anywhere near you for the route he needs to be on and may not even be running at the time he would have to leave. He may be thinking of the future and thinking you will need him to run around after you when you get out and truly have no other support so he had better save his money for getting his car repaired.

YABVU and if you think after he has done all he can that he is still making excuses, you sound very immature and naïve.

Sounds like regardless of his reason you have already made your mind up and are spoiling for an argument.

My DH couldn't be there for moral support for me as he had to work and sort the children out. He had to take over my role at very short notice on top of his own commitments. So all he could spare was the practicalities.

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