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AIBU?

To expect DH to get some help?

5 replies

Forbetterforworse · 04/04/2017 10:00

Feel like I should apologise for nature of the post but I can't talk to anyone IRL about it.

DH and I have been married for 13 years. For almost the last ten years, DH has had trouble with erectile dysfunction. We are in our 30s so it's not age related. DH is not overweight and is very fit so I don't think it will improve by improving general health. I'm fairly certain that it's psychological but I am concerned that DH should get checked out in case he has an underlying health problem.

All this time, DH has refused to see the GP. He has bought viagra and herbal remedies which have worked but it kills the spontaneity and is very expensive. I also don't think that he is treating the underlying issue.

I am trying really hard to not make this about me. But, if I'm honest, I'm struggling now. I've been so patient and tried to support him without pressuring him by telling my him how I really feel about it.

I question whether he really wants to have sex with me at all. I wonder if he doesn't find me attractive any more or doesn't like having sex with me. I feel very hurt that he is too proud to get help. I understand that it's incredibly difficult to go and seek help but it's affecting our marriage. I'm not a head-in-the-sand type of person and, after ten years, I'm struggling to be understanding.

I feel like I'm being a selfish bitch. But, I know how much this means to him as well and how happy he would be to not have any performance anxiety.

So, AIBU to think that he should at least get checked over?

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milkmoustache · 04/04/2017 10:06

Yes of course you are NBU.. You have patiently waited for a very long time, many people might have thrown in the towel, please don't think of yourself as a selfish bitch.
Are you able to talk about it without things getting heated? If a GP could help, that would be brilliant, maybe encourage him by saying that it's just a question of ruling things out. But it sounds as if you would be met with a lot of resistance, I feel really bad for you.

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Patchouli666 · 04/04/2017 10:41

He could have an underlying heart condition, diabetes, blood pressure problems....anything. Taking unprescribed medication bought online is really risky if he doesn't know what dangers his own body is hiding. He might be young fit and healthy but something isn't right. It might be psychological but best to make him go to GP and get bloods, blood pressure and heart tests done He might be worrying about what it might uncover health wise and just sticking his head in the sand is the easiest thing. You really need to be firm with him. If it is psychological or medical, there are so many things that can be done to help now.

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GloGirl · 04/04/2017 13:50

There's no way I'd live with someone who was being so reckless with their health. Could be a serious problem and I'd insist on him seeing a GP.

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BeachyKeen · 04/04/2017 13:58

This is too big of an issue to ignore, so I'd ask if him if he'd prefer to start at the doctors or at the councilor, but he's going to one or the other.

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Forbetterforworse · 04/04/2017 20:13

So it turns out that DH phoned to make a GP appointment today. I can't believe it! After nearly ten years he finally felt that it was worth doing something. Maybe he sensed that I was struggling to be understanding now. Maybe he finally decided that he wants a better sex life. Whatever swayed him, at least we can rule out health issues and work out a way forward.