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AIBU?

Child taken into care for being locked in the bedroom all night...

207 replies

Raisensaretoddlercrack · 03/04/2017 20:31

Today this popped up on my news feed;

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/04/02/grandparents-claim-child-taken-away-social-services-locked-bedroom/

I imagine the child was already on the radar of social care, however it did panic me a bit because we have a lock on our DDs' bedroom door and it has made me reevaluate.

It's just a small slide bathroom door lock that we use instead of a baby gate to stop our 2 and 3 year old exploring after we have put them to bed. We thought it would be safer than a gate as if they could open the door they would mess about with it and risk getting fingers caught in the hinges. We still use a video monitor as they like to play for a while before going to sleep so they are still supervised. They have never asked us to leave the door open so it doesn't distress them in any way. For context, their bedtime routine is good and they are always happy to go to bed.

When we go to bed we open the door to their room so it is ajar and use a gate at the stop of the stairs in case of night time wandering. We leave our door ajar so they can come in to wake us in the morning with cuddles.

The lock is very flimsy and with a bit of pressure would open easily in event of a fire/emergency ect.

AIBU to lock them in their bedroom in the above circumstances or do I need to take it off? I'm doubting myself now! Thank you.

OP posts:

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Gallavich · 03/04/2017 20:33

I promise there will be much much more to it than that

Wolfiefan · 03/04/2017 20:33

I don't get what you mean by exploring. Surely if you are awake and your child starts wandering about then you just put them back to bed. Never had a gate or lock on my child's room. Find it a bit odd TBH.

splendide · 03/04/2017 20:33

I can't see how it's different to a stair gate over the door.

BastardBloodAndSand · 03/04/2017 20:33

There will be more to it than just using a lock. I wouldn't worry about it, there's a difference between using a lock for safety's sake and abusing it.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 03/04/2017 20:33

It makes me feel a little uneasy reading that your kids couldn't get out if they needed to because they're locked in their room.

I'd take it off.

lazytuesday · 03/04/2017 20:34

I think you just need to play it by ear. At some point they may become upset by it in which case you need to take it off. But at this age if they are not distressed by it then i think YANBU.

Like you said SS look at the whole picture. It will have been more than what you are doing and in a different context.

BarbarianMum · 03/04/2017 20:36

I should take it off. You - by your own admission - don't really need it. Just use the gate at the top of the stairs.

Gallavich · 03/04/2017 20:37

Just read the link. Firstly - the parents will have al the court papers and can let the grandparents read it if they want. Secondly john hemming is a total fucking dangerous loon and anything with his hand on is guaranteed bullshit.

user1471521456 · 03/04/2017 20:38

Wolfiefan, fine to put them back to bed if you are awake. Bit hard if you are asleep though.

NotStoppedAllDay · 03/04/2017 20:38

Er,yes, you take it off!!! Why are you doubting this?

If there's a fire you are more likely to be overcome with smoke. How will you communicate to the fire brigade who is where?

It's effectively there 'fire exit'.... companies would be in huge trouble if the lock fire exits.

splendide · 03/04/2017 20:39

It makes me feel a little uneasy reading that your kids couldn't get out if they needed to because they're locked in their room.

I know what you mean sort of but my 2 year old can't even get out his bed if he needs to - he's still in a cot.

BillSykesDog · 03/04/2017 20:39

They couldn't get out if they needed to with a baby gate either. It's kind of the point.

splendide · 03/04/2017 20:40

Same applies if there was a fire.

ithakabythesea · 03/04/2017 20:40

Please don't lock your children in their bedroom. Not because social services would intervene just for that, but it really is sub-optimal parenting. No one should be locked in a room, don't treat your children like that.

Raisensaretoddlercrack · 03/04/2017 20:41

To clarify I have always intended to take it off when my youngest is a little calmer. Or when they ask me to, which ever comes first. I can trust my 3 year old but my 2 year old is a still a bit wild! If they play up we speak to them over the monitor and if they get distressed we are straight up. Overall they are good though and it works. I will however go with the consensus on this.

OP posts:

ineedamoreadultieradult · 03/04/2017 20:42

There will be more to the story than ghe lock but yes ou should take yours off, itbis not safe and also not nice. Do they try the door but cant open it because its locked? If they dont even try and open the door then you dont need it. If they do try the door and find it locked I would be concerned of the emotional affect on them, even if they don't show distress at the time.

Wolfiefan · 03/04/2017 20:43

@user1471521456
Read the thread. OP leaves the door open once the adults go to bed.

splendide · 03/04/2017 20:43

No one should be locked in a room, don't treat your children like that.

Do you feel the same way about stair gates? I'm asking genuinely. The layout of my upstairs is such that (once DS is out his cot) I'm going to have to contain him in his room somehow. The stairs are bloody lethal.

Honeybee79 · 03/04/2017 20:43

We used to lock DS in his room when we went to bed because he once attempted to get out the house - he could reach to open the front door and I was terrified of him disappearing off into the street. However, we had to stop doing it when he came out of pull-ups at night (aged about 3.5) because obviously he needed to be able to leave the room to take himself to the toilet. By that age he also new not to go wandering.

Tbh, I felt a bit funny about doing it and some of our friends were shocked, but frankly I would rather have locked him in than risk him wandering.

Trifleorbust · 03/04/2017 20:43

I don't think there being a lock on the door is a big issue in terms of parenting if it is literally to stop night-time wandering, i.e. it is for safety and not just for your own convenience. I'm sure many others would disagree. I wouldn't do it myself in case of a fire. I would have a safety gate up on the stairs that they wouldn't be able to get across, but at least they could get out of one room and to another window, if necessary.

PrincessJasmin · 03/04/2017 20:43

Sub-optimal parenting. Ouch.

NotStoppedAllDay · 03/04/2017 20:44

Can you approach homestart or some other parenting organisation? You don't sound like you are coping

This is wrong. Talking over monitors? Taking locks off ... maybe.... when they become old enough to ask??

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Honeybee79 · 03/04/2017 20:45

knew .

I suspect there will be much more to this case than has been reported in the press.

FireSquirrel · 03/04/2017 20:45

You wouldn't have your kids taken off you just for having a lock on your door, but social services would likely take a very dim view of it. Plus as pp have said, it's a potential fire risk. I wouldn't use one.

trappedinsuburbia · 03/04/2017 20:46

I've got a baby gate in case of night time wanderings/fall down the stairs, to be fair once she's in bed she doesn't usually get out but the door is wide open as it can't be shut with the gate on it, she just shouts me in the morning and I let her out and she comes in for cuddles.
DD is a little minx though and I think theres a good chance she could wander or come to harm without it.
There's no way I wouldn't hear her if anything were to happen, I can hear her turning in bed.

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