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AIBU?

Fed up and probably making a mountain out of a molehill

62 replies

TweedAddict · 03/04/2017 11:08

I've had a really crap few years. It seems like everything that we have planned for, worked towards or looked forward too has fallen though. I'm at the end of my tether with it.

So my (our) lastest row is about getting a new car. I've just had some bad news about one of dogs so a little sensitive- daft I know but she's my baby. I've wanted a new car for the past year. Me and DH take it in turns getting a new car, it's been my turn for past year. I brought it up again at the weekend asking when are we going to get a new one. He said he doesn't want to get rid of mine- yes well I do, it's not big enough for my needs.

A little info for you, my current car is a small 4x4, but we have 3 dogs and I can't take them all for a walk at once as I can't them in the boot. When we got our last dog DH said we will upgrade car soon. So I have too either walk the same walk all the time or do multiple trips. Having enough money isn't an issue. The problem is DH really likes my car- it's lovely and rare version of a common one, still not big enough though. He can't have my car as he does 1000+ miles for work each week so would cost a boom.

I've been looking forward to getting a upgrade, and feel just so disappointed that it hasn't yet nor will it as DH loves my current one.

Sorry just one more disappointment and fed up.

OP posts:

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Bottlesoflove · 03/04/2017 11:12

First world problem. Just buy a new car. Why do you need his permission?

BrieAndChilli · 03/04/2017 11:13

Can't the dogs go on the back seat too??

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 03/04/2017 11:14

Does he always treat you like a second rate partner?

Asmoto · 03/04/2017 11:16

If he likes it so much, why doesn't he keep it and accept the extra running costs (you say money isn't an issue for you)? His existing car can then be traded in for the upgrade of your choice.

PinkHeart59156816 · 03/04/2017 11:17

Assuming you are paying for the new car? Don't ask him, tell him! Say "dh next week I am ungrading the car" and that's an end to it.

When I want a new car, I am paying for my car so I tell dh I'm getting a new one I certainly don't ask him.

Jennsdiaries · 03/04/2017 11:19

I would get another dog then you definitely got to much for one car and you can get another.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 03/04/2017 11:23

Good lord. Just tell him the car no longer meets your needs and you will be trading it in. Do you always need his permission? Dogs come first!

Naicehamshop · 03/04/2017 11:24

Why does he get to make the decisions about the car that YOU drive?

You need to be more assertive here, op.

TweedAddict · 03/04/2017 11:24

Bottles everything is supposed to be a joint decision in a marriage, well so I thought anyway.

Brie: I don't like the dogs on the back seat, only one of ours would be comfortable in the bad, but would scratch it- we have black gloss on the doors. Plus I like dogs to be dogs and get muddy, so okay on the way there not on the way back. We have a boot protector, could get a seat protector but then it's a pain putting it in and out twice a day when picking up son and friends.

Asmoto: he feels he would ruin it, it's a rare car so he wants to look after it. Adding on thousands of miles would make it less valuable.

I know it's a first world issue but I'm starting to think it's more down to principal know

OP posts:

Asmoto · 03/04/2017 11:28

If it's a rare car that he wants to preserve, could he just take it off road? If you're using it day to day at the moment, it's always going to be at risk of damage even if the mileage is minimal.

TiredMumToTwo · 03/04/2017 11:28

I would make it happen, find one you like then ask DH if he'd like to come with you when you test drive it. I sometimes find, if I don't make things happen we just end up talking about it & no action is taken grrrr!

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 03/04/2017 11:29

Nope. I wouldn't be fannying around with seat protectors. It's your car, it isn't suitable, you need a bigger one. It's a shame if he likes it but it's not his car so I'm afraid it's none of his business. Yes it's nice if these things are a joint decision but as he's being a dick he loses the right to have an opinion. If he wants to keep it fair enough but you'll be buying a new one outright without the trade in and he'll have to run two cars.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 03/04/2017 11:30

You weren't planning on keeping it forever surely? It would be traded in at some point?

TheWhiteRoseOfYork · 03/04/2017 11:33

First world problem
That's a bit unkind. The majority of all of AIBU posts are first world problems. The OP has said she has had a difficult few years, and this is something that is bothering her .

mumgointhroughtorture · 03/04/2017 11:34

How is this a joint decision though? He isn't accepting of your opinion so why are you accepting his ? Just tell him you are getting a new car .

caz323 · 03/04/2017 11:38

Buy the bigger car you need, then trade your DH in for another lovely dog. At least their love is unconditional.

Sorry to hear one of your beloved dogs is poorly. It's always such a worry, OP.

TweedAddict · 03/04/2017 11:39

Ms: yes we were planning on trading it in, as we have all our other cars. It wasn't brought to be kept of life. (Unlike DH brand new defender, which he only had 6months-grr!)
Current one would be needed to trade in- money isn't an issue as in the value in current car will pay 3/4 of car I like so a little bit would need to be Pcp, we can afford this no issues, but I earn next to nothing, DH is big earner so needs to be in his name.

OP posts:

Megatherium · 03/04/2017 11:43

Pretty simple really. He gives you whatever you would have got as trade-in value and gets to keep his toy. He can decide to drive it as his regular vehicle or keep it as a third car. You get the car you want. Sorted.

TweedAddict · 03/04/2017 11:45

Caz thank you, she's got a liver issue. She was brought as a new hobby-showing. Something that she can't do now; but yet another disappointment. I love her endlessly but struggling to find myself as previous hobbies/lifestyle I can't do due to ill health.

OP posts:

Chloe84 · 03/04/2017 11:48

What Megatherium said ^

Did you have 3 dogs when you bought the car? Was it mainly DH who wanted you to get that car? The car has to be practical fro your needs, just as his car is practical for his needs.

TweedAddict · 03/04/2017 11:55

Chole we had 2 dogs when we got it, but when getting new puppy, upgrading was mentioned, and he said yes. He always said yes but then when the time comes it's we will wait and see! Wait and see on what?! Then when I push, it turns into a no.
I wouldn't of got the puppy if I knew this was going to be issue

OP posts:

Vegansnake · 03/04/2017 11:58

Why don't you buy a cheep car just for the dogs.a really cheep one old and battered that you just use for driving the dogs around in?

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Idefix · 03/04/2017 12:05

Why can't you get a crate to go on the backseat? One of the folding mesh types? Then the car door panels would be protected. If it's the foot plate that highly polished cover with a towel?

On a more serious note you say decisions in marriage should be made together but I am not getting how this is a joint/mutual decision. Or does that only ring true when it is what your dh chooses what to do...

caz323 · 03/04/2017 12:05

Ah, Tweed, I'm so sorry to hear that. You have my total empathy - it's heartbreaking when they get sick. I lost my beautiful 'girl' to cirrhosis a few years ago. I hope you have a good vet. X

lazytuesday · 03/04/2017 12:06

'everything is supposed to be a joint decision in a marriage' well no because in the end someone has to make the decision dont they, and whats happening here is that your DH is making the decision and you are letting him. Hes decided you dont need a new car because he likes the old one... even though you will be the one driving it and it doesnt suit your needs.
That does not sound like a compromise to me. That sounds like him making the decision for you. Id be pretty angry about this to be honest.

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