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DS doesn't want to lend clothes to friend

(81 Posts)
Welshgirl2008 Sun 02-Apr-17 22:20:36

DS's friend has asked to borrow a too he has got for a party- it's a personalised hoodie that DS had for Xmas off his grandad so pretty new.
I asked DS and he doesn't want to lend it. We teach our kids to share so I feel in a difficult situation as DS really feelS strongly.
Aibu to let him not share on this occasion? I feel in a tricky position confused

timeforheroes Sun 02-Apr-17 22:22:08

I think it's his top so it is his decision. I appreciate that you like them to share, but I feel clothing is a bit different to toys/games.
Especially as it is something personal to him.

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface Sun 02-Apr-17 22:22:33

Really? It's his hoody and up to him who wears it.

It was a present. For him. Not for anyone else to 'share'.

Imaginingdragonsagain Sun 02-Apr-17 22:22:49

I wouldn't make ds share, its special to him. Sharing of toys yes, when friends were over, and any extra special ones were put out of the way.

AnathemaPulsifer Sun 02-Apr-17 22:23:39

It's a personalised recent gift. Your son has every right not to share it!!

Sharing is a dodgy concept. Yes, in general it's a nice idea but if kids have special things they don't want to share they have every right to keep them safe. Can your DS's friend's mum borrow your brand new car for her kids to picnic in as they go through the chimp cage at a safari park? Why not? It's nice to share!

Imaginingdragonsagain Sun 02-Apr-17 22:24:00

And sharing is different from lending. I wouldn't expect dc to lend toys.

Fishface77 Sun 02-Apr-17 22:24:53

Nope not if he feels that strongly about it!

Welshgirl2008 Sun 02-Apr-17 22:25:17

Yea, I feel like it's reasonable to say no to the friend too. I'd be worried that it would get lost. The friend has hassled him a bit.

Kittykatclaws Sun 02-Apr-17 22:25:32

When it comes back ruined is it ok because it's nice to share?

Chocolateteabag Sun 02-Apr-17 22:26:05

What happens if the top gets damaged? Sounds like it's not easy to replace so YABU to make DS lend it

BastardBloodAndSand Sun 02-Apr-17 22:26:08

I wouldn't lend out my clothes either. Who the hell does ??!

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 02-Apr-17 22:26:17

We teach our kids to share so I feel in a difficult situation as DS really feels strongly. It's his and he doesn't have to lend it. Do you lend your phone, car, clothes and house to people? Just because they ask?

I teach DD to take turns. If she doesn't want to share something she doesn't have to. But she can't play with it in front of someone. Just as I wouldn't sit using my phone in front of a friend I was with.

GeillisTheWitch Sun 02-Apr-17 22:26:31

Never lend anything that you wouldn't be prepared to not get back.

Floggingmolly Sun 02-Apr-17 22:26:39

You've misunderstood the concept of "sharing". Why would the friend want to wear a hoodie personalised with someone else's name anyway?

TheMythOfFingerprints Sun 02-Apr-17 22:27:03

How old is your ds?
Young enough that you can have a word with the other boy?

Awwlookatmybabyspider Sun 02-Apr-17 22:27:04

YANBU not to make him share his top. That's his property.

DaisyBlameless Sun 02-Apr-17 22:27:18

WTF? Who shares clothes with their friends? Do you?

Wolfiefan Sun 02-Apr-17 22:27:32

It's his. His choice. It was also a present and clearly has sentimental value. How old is he?
Sharing sweets or turns on a swing is very different. I would say no to friend.

limon Sun 02-Apr-17 22:27:52

His top his choice. We don't share all our worldly possessions as adults why should he share his clothes?

RamGoatLiver Sun 02-Apr-17 22:29:00

Sharing is generally good thing BUT it should be voluntary - you don't have to share stuff all the time and it really SUCKS when you are "made" to share something.

Maybe you son has an inkling there's a high probability his hoodie will get lost or damaged.

Why not let him keep a treasured personalised item to himself just for once, even though it's going against your principles. He may decide to lend something else but it should come from him, not forced by you.

Also bear in mind, some people end up sharing stuff but it's never reciprocated.

witsender Sun 02-Apr-17 22:29:20

I don't force sharing,and certainly wouldn't here. It is his!

gleam Sun 02-Apr-17 22:32:08

Did the friend ask you to intervene? confused

I think the friend's got a bloody cheek asking!

llangennith Sun 02-Apr-17 22:37:45

Nice to share??? Are you real???

Welshgirl2008 Sun 02-Apr-17 22:48:37

I was just worried it was mixed messages but actually in hindsight, it's a no. I think the said friend has put DS under pressure tbh. Am pissed off about the whole thing

Huldra Sun 02-Apr-17 22:48:59

Sharing is:
Taking fair turns.
Making sure you don't hog all the crisps or crayons.
When you've invited a friend over you are including them and playing with them, not sat on the play station whilst they watch. Or you have all the cars but your friend can't touch them.
When thinking up a game or activity everyone gets their opinion taken into acount.

Sharing is not handing over your belongings to anyone that demands them.

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