Im not BU. I'm genuinely not a nice person.
I want to be, but I'm not.
I'm hoping someone can advise me on how to change.
I'm not headed and quick to bite back if I perceve that someone is rude to me. I get huffy. I have to have the last word, especially with my family. I work really hard to stop and bite my tongue. I can be really blunt and a bit too honest. I don't think before I speak and then I regret it and dwell on things for days.
I occasionally say things that I know will hurt people or make them feel stupid and then I hate myself for being nasty.
I sometimes judge people and think I'm... I don't know... better than them? Cleverer than them? That's not ok.
And I'm selfish. When my dad's best friend dies I was gutted because I loved him but I also worried about the impact of would have on my dad and his mental state, and by default what effect that would have on me and my family.
I feel like I don't love like other people. My great Aunt died a few weeks ago and although I was sad for an hour or so I reasoned that she was old and had a wonderful life which she loved and that she had no regrets- that it was 'her time'. That kind of cold logic scared me.
I have a decent amount of good friends and a lovely family but I often feel disconnected from them- even when I'm out or at home with poeple or if I'm at work I often feel like I'm on the outside looking in.
I do feel things on behalf of others- I feel emotinal if friends or family are unhappy so I hope that's my one good point. But I'm often in my own head. Even at work (a skilled profession) I feel a lot of the time like a total fraud- like I don't know what I'm doing, like I haven't progressed or really learned anything over the course of my first year- and I think that's because I just don't concentrate.
I'm also really lazy but that's a whole other thread.
I desparatly want to stop being so unpleasant and selfish. I'd appreciate any advice- or even a flaming.
Thank you for reading this far- I've done this on a whim, I didn't intend the full on stream of consciousness.
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AIBU?
To think that I'm not a nice person.
65 replies
CherryBlossomBurlap · 02/04/2017 21:19
OP posts:
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