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No Mother's Day

(37 Posts)
kickstart57 Sun 02-Apr-17 19:42:45

Am I wrong to be so upset. I have one grown up married son who lives with his wife and mother in law at the moment. In the 7 years they have been together, not once have I had a Mother's Day lunch with him as he calls for an hour and then goes of to have " A family lunch" with his wifes family and mum. I look after his child 2 days a week and feel used and unloved. Is it just me?

ellencherry Sun 02-Apr-17 19:44:10

7 years? He sounds horrible but you haven't said anything in 7 years?

kickstart57 Sun 02-Apr-17 19:46:38

If I say anything he shouts at me and tells me I am neurotic. I feel very left out as everything is about his wifes mum

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 02-Apr-17 19:47:03

We don't do Mother's Day lunch in our house. Do you get a card? Flowers?

A call for an hour sounds nice, though. I hope DD calls for an hour and chats when she's all grown up. smile

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 02-Apr-17 19:47:25

x-post. Shouting at you isn't OK.

ProudBadMum Sun 02-Apr-17 19:47:25

Stop watching his kid and take yourself out

kickstart57 Sun 02-Apr-17 19:49:04

Yes an hours call is ok but his wife has a sister and brother who all meet at her house for lunch. I have only one child and he can not even spend that special day with me.

wannabestressfree Sun 02-Apr-17 19:52:02

I think you know that you need to stand up to him. No crocodile tears or emotional blackmail though. Just give it to him straight.

PurpleMinionMummy Sun 02-Apr-17 19:52:07

Yanbu. If my mil lived that close we'd take out/invite over both mums for mothers day.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe Sun 02-Apr-17 19:54:19

If you're neurotic why is he leaving his kids with you? Cheeky bastard.

kickstart57 Sun 02-Apr-17 19:54:39

If I give it to him straight, he will just not bother coming at all and maybe keep my grandchildren from me.

kickstart57 Sun 02-Apr-17 19:55:50

Hi is a cheeky bastard, he thinks more of his in laws than he does me. Its a bit like when your kids are in school and the teacher knows best and you know nothing.

Underthemoonlight Sun 02-Apr-17 19:57:56

TBH it seems to be more to this I would imagine he has some ill feelings towards you that he hasn't disclosed maybe during his childhood and therefore sees his wife's family as family it's rare for someone to make zero effort for no reason the fact he used the term neurotic suggests he sees your relationship in a different light to what you do.

Stickerrocks Sun 02-Apr-17 19:59:20

Have you actually said that you would like to spend the day with him & his family? He may think that you're OK with the situation as you've let it go on for 7 years. There does seem to be an assumption that dad's should spend mothering Sunday with the mother of their child, but it seems a bit rude to exclude you if his MIL gets included each year.

PollytheDolly Sun 02-Apr-17 19:59:23

Well he sounds peachy hmm

Sorry OP you are not being unreasonable. He is being very unthinking and he shouldn't shout at you. What's his problem? I'd tell him straight.

Hope next Mother's Day is better for you.

ellencherry Sun 02-Apr-17 19:59:23

But if he has ill feelings about his childhood he'd still leave his children with his mother?

kickstart57 Sun 02-Apr-17 19:59:25

Hi Dad and I could not have done more for him all through his life. He resents the fact that he is an only child but other than that?

kickstart57 Sun 02-Apr-17 20:00:10

Thanks everyone.

chastenedButStillSmiling Sun 02-Apr-17 20:02:07

What's your relationship like with your DiL?

Could that be your way forward?

Underthemoonlight Sun 02-Apr-17 20:02:26

Judging by several threads on mn people only go low contact or non contact because of an underlining issue. I would try and think if you may have said something or done something to cause offence either to him or his DW.

user1489677782 Sun 02-Apr-17 20:05:53

There is so much of this today. I thought it was just me but a friend recently told me she was fed up with her DC talking about how wonderful the MIL. I am so sick of having 1 of my DC and her OH going on about how wonderful his Mother is while I am the one expected to get out of bed in the middle of the night and go do stuff for DC. Now I fond there are people here too with the same problem. It is Rife! You would think we had raised them without any idea of decent behaviour

user1489677782 Sun 02-Apr-17 20:10:08

Underthemoonlight. Why would you jump to the conclusion that it might be something the OP did. She is looking after their child and if she is a bad person she should not be looking after a child! Do you not think that some of the young parents are treating parents like banks for money and a free nursery for childcare. At best it might be that they are so stressed working to achieve the things they see as necessary and they forget that the OP is a human being with feelings

Underthemoonlight Sun 02-Apr-17 20:20:37

I'm merely putting suggestion why they are low contact and if op can think of anything that has triggered this it's rather odd to suddenly make zero effort without a valid reason, it could be the DW. We recently gone LC with inlaws because the lack of effort towards their gdc particularly towards the youngest DS2 and their favourisms towards SIL child. We haven't discussed this with them but this has caused us to take a step right back. We tend to do more stuff with my dps.

Op if you can't think about him maybe suggest you go out together and see what he says?

kickstart57 Sun 02-Apr-17 20:34:51

We have lots of contact, he calls often and so does my daughter in law. Its just when it is such a special day I would like some time with my son and him not sit down to a family meal with his mother in law leaving me out of it.

Huldra Sun 02-Apr-17 20:40:10

Is it just Mothers day or other occasions? What did he see you and his Dad do on mothers and fathers day?

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