To ask if you liked children before you had your own?

[Sweetpea302]

My OH and I are in the midst of lots of conversations about when / if to start trying for a baby. We have a few topics that we always end up coming back to, namely money (we've just taken on a mortgage which is really stretching our finances) and my health (I have CFS and am permanently exhausted and had to give up my job about a year ago), which are big issues on their own. The other thing which I keep coming back to, but don't really know how to work around, is that I'm not all that sure that I like children! I really do think that I'd like our child (typical narcissist eh?) and love the thought of building a family with my lovely OH, but then I'll spend time with friends children and I find them exhausting and not easy to connect with. I certainly don't get broody whenever I see a baby! I'm approaching mid 30s though, so do feel like I need to make a decision soon, before it's made for me by my body.

I'm naturally an over thinker and hugely cautious, so I think I need a bit of outside advice to help get me out of my own cycles of thinking on this and actually make a decision!

So, AIBU to ask if you actually all liked children before you had your own? Or did you have faith that you would like your own, even if you weren't enamoured with children generally? If you didn't like other people's, did you then go on to like your own?

[robinia]

Nope! Certainly not babies.
But I knew I wanted my own and love them dearly.
Still not bothered about other people's

[Chasingsquirrels]

No I didn't. And I certainly wasn't a baby cuddler - I didn't want to hold them at all.

I love my own.

I'm still not very keen on others, although as they hit late primary and teens I'm finding them more acceptable!

I'll happily cuddle a baby now though.

[thistlescot]

Totally different with your own! Don't go by how other people's children make you feel. I like children, but now I've had one of my own the feeling is totally different to that anyway, so I don't think you should make your decision based on how you feel about other people's children.

[MimsyBorogroves]

Nope. Older primary school children and teens - fine (I work with those) but babies and toddlers not at all. I would be the one with "sniffles" if anyone brought a baby into work to hold - even when I was pregnant.

I was fine with my own though

[Mari50]

No. Couldn't stand them and found myself totally unable to relate to them.
Love my own with overwhelming intensity.
Other people's kids are bearable now. Haha

[Iamastonished]

No, not really. I loved looking after my niece and nephew, but they were family..
The CFS is concerning because babies and toddlers don't sleep when you want them to. I think, unless you can hire a nanny, you will find the exhaustion overwhelming.

[neonrainbow]

No i have no time for strangers children. I say the right things but i definitely don't want to hold other peoples babies. I'm utterly obsessed with my own though. I had some similar thoughts when I was considering whether to have children and in the end just decided to go for it and trust everything will be ok. I always knew I wanted children at some point. And it's all worked out great because I love mine to pieces.

[Katedotness1963]

Not really. Mine are lovely, but still not fond of other people's...

[luckylucky24]

I have always liked children but DH doesn't. He obviously likes ours but still has no interest in other peoples children.

[DaisyBlameless]

Nope

[SharkBastard]

No I dislike children, never wanted children but fell pregnant at 27 and thought it was time to grow up. I adore my daughter, I had never held a baby before having her, or changed a nappy etc.

I'm now pregnant with a son with my husband, I know I'll adore him too, but I still dislike children

[VikingLady]

Nope, couldn't stand them. Still don't like most kids. Mine are different though 😆

I honestly worried I wouldn't like or bond with my own kids, but I do. It took a lot of adjustment to my new life, and bonding wasn't immediate, but they are the centre of my world now. I was a 30 something career woman.

I quite like some kids I know well now, but kids en masse still leave me cold, and I still can't see what other people see in their kid!

[ChipIn]

Not really. The only children I was ever interested in were nephews and nieces, but found them exhausting so preferred short time frames, as much as I love them. Now we have dd I love seeing children play together. I'm still not keen on children I don't know but no longer avoid them completely.

[Ragwort]

Interesting question - I deliberately did not have a child until my early 40s but I spent many, many years doing voluntary work with children which I loved - all that time I never felt I wanted my 'own' child as I enjoyed the 'structure' and organisation involved in running childrens' activities (Scouting). Doing something like that is totally different to having your own child - when I did have one of my own I frequently said it was easier to run a scout camp of 20+ children than deal with one of your own .

[kohl]

No, I really wasn't at all interested in children before having my own and I think they're the best thing ever!

The early years are exhausting, so with your CFS I would get some advice from someone who's been through it and also make sure you have a good support network around you etc.

[chemenger]

No, I had no interest in babies and small children until I had my own. Now that mine have reached their late teens I have reverted to that position . I am more tolerant of small children now than before but would not seek out their company.

[SallyGinnamon]

Yes. Loved them!

Much to DM's disappointment the only thing I ever knew I wanted to be was a mum.

DC are now 17 and 14 and they're still the best thing I've ever done (as well as marrying DH obviously).

[IHaveBrilloHair]

No, and I still don't other than my own

[TillyTheTiger]

I didn't like children or have any interest in them before I had my own, I used to avoid them where possible. Now I have DS, not only do I love him with a kind of love I never imagined before, but I really like him too. I love spending time with him and seeing his personality develop and he brings me so much joy and laughter and pride every day. I also like other people's children more now too because I have a better idea of how to interact with them. However, they are exhausting so if you have CFS it's important you have a good support network so you can get a regular break and some rest, otherwise your health could suffer. Financially I'm not sure there's ever a perfect time, but if you really want a family you'll find ways to cut back and budget where necessary.

[NotAPuffin]

No, not at all. Now I have two and I like other people's if they're younger than mine.

[BettyOBarley]

No definitely not!! I always said I didn't want kids until I met DH.
I like babies until they start talking and then I think I just don't know how to interact with them very well as I didnt grow up around other kids in the family.
Your own are totally different and hopefully I'll be a bit better now with others as I've had my own!! Still not overly fussed for other people's though and I'm sure people feel the same about mine!

[SquatBetty]

No I had very little interest in children but DH and I were getting very close to 40 so we decided to go for having our own and I'm so glad we did. I've still got very little interest in anyone else's kids (I fake it well that I do though) but I love my own child like nothing on Earth.

[SallyGinnamon]

On the timing thing, there's rarely a 'right' time. Always something else to get sorted first etc. So maybe best to dive in and go for it!

[BikeRunSki]

I've never been bothered about other people's children, nor babies, but I quite like mine.

[MortalEnemy]

OP, think about it. Do you like all adults? No, well, then....