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IHBVU but I'm so cross

(33 Posts)
SleepFreeZone Sat 01-Apr-17 21:00:21

I have basically gone NC with family over something so incredibly petty and yet I'm so hurt and pissed off that I've just blocked the lot of them.

This is outing so I shall be slightly vague. Family member and myself have always had a tricky relationship. We had a period of time where we didn't talk at all (years) but once children arrived we became friendly again as life is just too short.

FM has leant us lots of second hand clothes for the children over the last four years which we have graciously accepted and used, cared for and passed back. Now FM is selling a lot of things we have passed back and specifically asked for an item that we admitted had large sentimental value to us and asked if we could buy (assuming it was to be sold). We were told that it also had a large amount of sentimental value to them also and they would be keeping it (absolutely respected that and immediately gave it back). I asked if they went on to sell it in time could we please have first refusal.

Today I find out through another family member that this item was sold just 10 or so days after our conversation to a complete stranger for a pretty meagre amount of money. I am honestly so fucking hurt. We were desperate to keep it, would have given that amount of money in a heartbeat and it feels spiteful that FM chose to do that ( even though it was there's to do with whatever they liked).

Another FM has no got involved and pretty much told me how pathetic I am, that my DP needs to butt out of 'family stuff' and that I had no right to expect to be allowed to buy the item in the first place and pretty much to grow up.

What do you reckon? AIBU or would you also be annoyed?

Sweets101 Sat 01-Apr-17 21:03:09

I think it sounds like a very odd thing to have done!

TisMeTheLadFromTheBar Sat 01-Apr-17 21:04:14

It depends on what the item was and why it was of sentimental value. It all sounds like a bit of an over reaction. Have you asked the family member why they sold the item?

BeachyKeen Sat 01-Apr-17 21:05:03

I can't imagine smashing apart a family over a baby item that you can replace.
How and they hell are you going to explain that to your DC?

DrowningSeas Sat 01-Apr-17 21:05:04

YANBU

They are very disrespectful

scrivette Sat 01-Apr-17 21:05:38

I would be annoyed too.

neonrainbow Sat 01-Apr-17 21:07:56

I think they've been deliberately horrible and clearly you don't mean that much to them!

SleepFreeZone Sat 01-Apr-17 21:07:58

My family is pretty dysfunctional anyway and small so I guess it's not that dramatic to just say to hell with you all. The item was really important to both my kids and we would have kept it until they were older if we could have. It would have been an heirloom of sorts I guess.

ChaosTrulyReigns Sat 01-Apr-17 21:08:26

I understand it was sentimental, but I think you need to accept its loss.

Can you try to convince yourself that sentiment is just an emotion? The memories attached to the physical item still exist. Try to move on from the actual item. The Thing doesn't really matter now.

It's serving no purpose for you to dwell on it.

Take care.

FairytalesAreBullshit Sat 01-Apr-17 21:09:35

So you've fallen out with them because they asked for something back, citing sentimental value, but went on to sell it. You really wanted to keep it, or buy it, but wasn't given the opportunity, so feel it was malice. Even though they provided clothes for your DC?

DP has intervened, telling them you're upset and annoyed. They have said DP needs to butt out?

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Sat 01-Apr-17 21:10:23

I would assume that family means fuck all to them and keep my distance.

SleepFreeZone Sat 01-Apr-17 21:11:08

I do feel it was pretty malicious yes and my DP has been told to butt out as he felt particularly fond of the item as was the main person who would have liked to have kept it.

hesterton Sat 01-Apr-17 21:11:39

Maybe fm can't bear to think it is still around but not with them. And they can't keep it for some reason. Anyway, it's theirs and there isn't anything you can do. Don't trust this person to care for your feelings and they won't be able.to hurt you again. Detach and carry on. It's stuff and ultimately no stuff is that important.

Instasista Sat 01-Apr-17 21:12:13

What did you say to family member about it that made the rest of the family get involved?

TBH you owe them a favour for all the lending of clothes so i don't see how you can complain about them. The item can't be that important

Trb17 Sat 01-Apr-17 21:13:52

This would have hurt me too as despite it being an item that belonged to them it feels spiteful that they would lie (saying they were not going to sell it) and then lie again (said they would give you first refusal but didn't). It's as if they didn't want you to have it even though they wanted to sell it which all just seems mean considering they're family.

SleepFreeZone Sat 01-Apr-17 21:15:13

I haven't said anything to the FM who's item it is (was). I was told it had been sold by another FM and I told that person I felt really hurt and sad and said it was heartless. They then pretty much said what instasista said and I then threw my toys out the pram and told them all to get to fuck 😕

SleepFreeZone Sat 01-Apr-17 21:16:52

Just to add whenever needed any of the second hand items were we leant. We were very grateful and thankful and have taken care of everything and given it back, but we didn't need any of it IFYSWIM.

Bantanddec Sat 01-Apr-17 21:18:46

How strange! I can't understand why they wouldn't sell it to you?!

SleepFreeZone Sat 01-Apr-17 21:20:45

I don't know either Bant 🙁
The sale wasn't random or impromptu either. It was specifically taken to a place where stuff sells for very little and pretty much given away to a total stranger.

LilQueenie Sat 01-Apr-17 21:24:55

curious as to what the item was and they are in the wrong for selling to someone else. Obviously didn't mean as much to them as they said.

highinthesky Sat 01-Apr-17 21:30:07

How is it possible to get attached to any material item, let alone one that was never actually yours?

BonnyScotland Sat 01-Apr-17 21:30:23

the ITEM is not relevant... the ACTION is very relevant...

you are not being unreasonable x

neonrainbow Sat 01-Apr-17 21:43:44

Highinthesky don't be stupid its perfectly normal for most functioning humans to get attached to stuff especially baby stuff.

highinthesky Sat 01-Apr-17 21:53:46

neonrainbow people that matter to me, not stuff. That's not in anyway stupid.

Blazedandconfused Sat 01-Apr-17 21:56:31

I'd feel very upset. My family are somewhat dysfunctional so I can try and put myself in your shoes. Disorganisation, lack of communication , and thoughtlessness rather than malice could genuinely be the reason behind the action.

Speak to the family member involved, directly. Life is too short to fall out, there may be an explanation that you feel you can accept.

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