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Wedding drama- advice?

(67 Posts)
Thewanderer03 Sat 01-Apr-17 19:22:46

I'm getting married in June in Greece. My df passed away last year and as we didn't want a big wedding or much fuss my dh to be and I decided to go away and do it whilst there. It's been booked for a couple of months and we're both really looking forward to it. Dm is fine with it as she is unable to fly., fil has voiced his opinion that he is upset with decision. We booked the wedding in any event deciding it was best for us. Now dh to be is saying he wants family there, dm suffers very severe anxiety especially when travelling so unlikely to come, db may be able to make it though not sure with finances after got himself into bit of a mess. In which case it would just be me and dh and his parents and possibly 2 brothers. AIBU not liking this idea? I have suggested party once home for all family and friends or getting married here to have people there but dh is not happy with either idea. Any advice?

usernoidea Sat 01-Apr-17 19:26:03

Hi. Why didn't your husband to be mention that he wanted his family there when you booked it?! It leaves you in a bit of a sticky situation and now you're doing it the way you didn't want to do it! X

ragz134 Sat 01-Apr-17 19:26:52

If you can't resolve this issue between you, it doesn't bode well for the marriage. Do what makes you both happy, as long as it isn't one of you compromising and the other getting it all their own way.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Sat 01-Apr-17 19:28:36

How financially committed to the Greek Wedding are you? Wondering if you would rather be married here, than in Greece with the new set of circumstances?

Thewanderer03 Sat 01-Apr-17 19:38:41

Originally dh to be wanted to just go away and then mentioned it once prior to booking though when I mentioned staying here he said he would rather go away and do it without all the fuss so we went ahead and booked. I think no fil had voiced his opinion this may have swayed dh? Dh has obviously said he wouldn't have them there if I didn't want to/ didn't have anyone but now feel it's me stopping them coming to their ds wedding when it was all decided?

Thewanderer03 Sat 01-Apr-17 19:40:23

Personally I'd rather stick with original idea and it sounds as though dh would to. When I mentioned after party/ changing to marrying here he said that is not what he wants. Wants to get married abroad as he chose the place in any event but now brought the issue up about his df and I feel in the wrong?

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Sat 01-Apr-17 20:02:26

Hmm. Did fil have chance to express his wish to be at the wedding earlier, or did he find out when the wedding was already planned? I'm wondering if it's him or your intended who has moved the goalposts first. How bothered is your mum about not being there? How bothered are you? Would someone else from your side be able to come if db can't?

Thewanderer03 Sat 01-Apr-17 20:15:19

Fil did comment initially but dh decided he wanted to go away still as decided and we booked. Don't think if db couldn't make it that anyone else could. Very small family and have moved away so 2 close friends one from home who is pregnant and will be due very shortly after and one who is unable to fly for medical reasons. AIBU to dh to just want it as we had planned and not want just dh family and not mine?

Thewanderer03 Sat 01-Apr-17 20:17:54

Also dm is fine with decision. I am happy with decision though less happy if it's one side of family. However feel in wrong as if I am not stopping dh family from coming but otherwise would be to just go ahead with it and potentially have no one my side given that dh does not want to move the wedding home?

KC225 Sat 01-Apr-17 20:25:58

Is there a way you can absorb the cost of your brother's ticket and he try to bring your Mother. With enough time maybe she can come to terms with the journey. This would even out things a little

Thewanderer03 Sat 01-Apr-17 20:33:53

I'm going to ask dm if she could come but I expect she will be unable to as we knew at the time of booking. We have said we will absorb cost/help db if he will accept but not mentioned anything to him yet. AIBU if dm cannot make it and I still feel as though I don't want to do it that way? If db could come would certainly be great, though we live far apart and not overly close anymore so would still feel bit out of place in dm was not there. Don't want dh to resent in anyway not having his family there on basis dm/db could not make it but when I suggest moving wedding here for all family or doing something when home dh seems not wanting to. Also I think I might be a bit upset on day with formality of 'normal' wedding without df to walk me down the aisle especially if dm can't make it which is one of the reasons we decided to do it informally whilst we were away in any event.

ImperialBlether Sat 01-Apr-17 20:42:23

I wouldn't like that. I think I'd get married here, with your mum and brother and his family, then have a lovely meal and go off to Greece for a honeymoon. I'd sooner do that than just have his family there.

Sunshinegirl82 Sat 01-Apr-17 20:48:48

I think it has to be family for both or neither so you either continue with the plan to marry in Greece and have no family or use the Greece trip as a honeymoon and marry in a place where your family can also attend. It wouldn't have to be a big wedding still. I don't think that stance is unreasonable. Could you have small wedding here with family and then a blessing in Greece just the two of you?

Sunshinegirl82 Sat 01-Apr-17 20:50:51

www.lustyglaze.co.uk/intimate-weddings/

Dozer Sat 01-Apr-17 20:55:22

Not OK just to have your H's family IMO, and your fiance is putting you in a very difficult position.

Either marry in UK before the trip, or do it with no one there as originally planned. He should deal with FiL.

happypoobum Sat 01-Apr-17 21:07:27

YANBU

Tell DP that you either stick to the original plan of having nobody there or the whole thing gets cancelled postponed

neonrainbow Sat 01-Apr-17 21:14:17

Either stick to the original plan or have a very small wedding here then use greece as a honeymoon with a blessing or some kind of ceremony there. I would not get married where only one half of the family would be there.

Thewanderer03 Sat 01-Apr-17 21:47:03

Thanks all. Personally would prefer to keep to original plan we have worked towards and have suggested moving wedding here but dp has said he does not want this so seems as though he has back tracked an it. Guessing it might be because fil has made another comment but puts me in very awkward position and either I tell dp we stick to original plan and worry about him wanting them there or go against what I would prefer if dp would even agree to have the wedding here?!

Headofthehive55 Sat 01-Apr-17 22:13:34

It's very hard and hurtful to gave to tel your father (DPs) that you are not wanted at the wedding.
I think your families absence would be felt by you.
I think you would be better marrying here and going straigh off on honeymoon.

ImperialBlether Sat 01-Apr-17 22:16:04

The thing is that originally you were saying "We're going to have a quiet wedding on our own, abroad." Now you are forced by your FIL into adding, "And we don't want you with us."

You're in a really bad situation now, OP!

Thewanderer03 Sat 01-Apr-17 22:22:37

Well fil was aware we were going to get married whilst away. We explained our reasons about df passing, just wanting to be away and having some us time etc after having a tough few years and not having a holiday in a good while. He has not been problematic as such and understands our reasons he's just said given the choice he would be there.

HeddaGarbled Sat 01-Apr-17 22:54:35

I completely understand how you feel and I think that your partner is being unreasonable. I would say to him, choose one of these:

1. Stick to original plan
2. Small wedding at home with immediate family followed by honeymoon in Greece

His option of wedding in Greece with his parents but not yours is not acceptable. But if you present him with the two acceptable options and making him choose, you avoid being made to take responsibility for excluding his parents (if that's what he decides).

Thewanderer03 Sat 01-Apr-17 23:02:04

Thanks. I have thought of that and am going to say that. I did mention to him earlier when the convo was broached about him inviting his dp's and said that regardless of what happens with my side he can invite his so he can be responsible for inviting them or no rather than me. As I've said I want to stick to he original plan I would rather not get married with just one side of course and i would rather have our wedding as we had planned whilst away but I agree I think he is being an but unreasonable now bringing this up 6 weeks before. I understand why he is doing it but he was happy enough to go ahead at the beginning knowing his df's opinion. To not want to change the wedding to accommodate them and then say they cant come anyway because we can't just have one side and then seem as though it's my decision only is a bit unfair I think.

Dozer Sat 01-Apr-17 23:08:00

I don't understand your last post.

Nanny0gg Sat 01-Apr-17 23:11:27

* He has not been problematic as such and understands our reasons he's just said given the choice he would be there.*

Which is probably how most parents would feel (I would) so it's not unusual and you must have known that before you booked.

So I think you should just go ahead and have what you originally wanted on your own and you'll have to accept parents being upset.

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