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AIBU Not to have announced my DF passed away

(70 Posts)
TheCatsWhiskers Sat 01-Apr-17 19:15:19

My DF passed away a few months ago.

He was never on Facebook and would have hated his death to have been announced on it.

A friend recently told me that I was a cold and unfeeling person for not posting about his illness and passing.

Apparently, according to her, I have issues as I didn't let my Facebook community know. So I have denied them helping my family and I.

This is bonkers, right?

My family and friends all know what happened. I just didn't have the time or i inclination to post on my fathers rapid decline.

She has also got said that I have avoidance issues as I never took a picture of my DF when he was in his last days.

Mrsglitterfairy Sat 01-Apr-17 19:18:02

And this is what's wrong with the world! Anyone that you and your family were close to would have known about your DF, why should you have to post it on Facebook?
Absolute nuts.. Not you, her....

FrizzBombDelight Sat 01-Apr-17 19:18:02

Of course it is completely bonkers!

I would ignore the opinion of someone who is making your DFather's death about herself.

Sorry for your lossflowers

NSEA Sat 01-Apr-17 19:20:39

I would certainly say its the opposite of unfeeling and cold to keep such sad news to personal friends and family and not broadcast it like it is some kind of attention seeking drama.

Redglitter Sat 01-Apr-17 19:21:03

She needs to get out more. I think photos taken of people who are seriously ill/dying and are posted on FB are horrendous. People cope in different ways and maybe they want the photos for themselves but making them public is totally un necessary. I can think of nothing worse than having photos of my dad in the days leading to his death.

As for announcing it on FB you didn't feel the need so quite rightly didn't. You denied your FB the chance to support you? Ffs you clearly got the support you wanted and needed for rl friends.

I'd ignore her completely

NSEA Sat 01-Apr-17 19:21:28

Also, who kicks someone when their down over a death. Some people should just be ignored.

Rainydayspending Sat 01-Apr-17 19:21:43

Sorry you've had your loss (and then had it compounded by such a thoughtless nutter).
I think the only "avoidance issue" you're faced with - is avoiding her!

Arkhamasylum Sat 01-Apr-17 19:23:51

I didn't post on FB when my DF died either. It just didn't feel right. I see others doing this and it's fine, it just felt wrong for me. As for the photograph, surely people have the right to privacy when very ill and unless I was asked, I'd never do this either.

Your feelings regarding your DF are more important than that of your 'FB Community'. Your friend's comments are extremely inappropriate and bizarrely insensitive. None of the issues she raised are any of her business.

Watto1 Sat 01-Apr-17 19:27:44

It would have felt all kinds of wrong to announce Sam's death on Facebook. I messaged a couple of close friends to let them know. Everyone else who i wanted to know already knew.

Watto1 Sat 01-Apr-17 19:28:26

Dm's not Sam's. Sorry

ohfourfoxache Sat 01-Apr-17 19:29:38

She doesn't sound like a friend

I'm so sorry about your dad thanks

Joinourclub Sat 01-Apr-17 19:31:43

Yes bonkers. Fb is not real life.

Nicotina Sat 01-Apr-17 19:31:50

You don't announce that on FB. Your close friends and family know. Any others who are acquaintances will find out in the fullness of time.
If they were a regular FB user then I get it. Otherwise, why would you?

abbey44 Sat 01-Apr-17 19:34:13

So sorry about your dad flowers

When my DF died, Facebook was the last thing on my mind. Family and friends were told in the usual way - broadcasting it on social media seems rather crass, in my opinion.

annandale Sat 01-Apr-17 19:36:01

An unpleasant way to find out that she is not a friend to you. Sorry for your loss, it's a hard time.

EyeStye Sat 01-Apr-17 19:36:55

I was too deeply upset when my DM to post to Facebook. My friends and family were told privately
Yuck - your friend is no friend

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom Sat 01-Apr-17 19:47:50

She needs to fuck off, self centred twat. FB is a pile of shite, why people feel the need to post everything on it is beyond me.

Molehillfromamountain Sat 01-Apr-17 19:48:24

Your friend sounds like a loon. Totally bonkers. You have handled your loss with dignity and kept is from the fake world that is Facebook.
I'm sorry for your loss.

ArriettyClock1 Sat 01-Apr-17 19:48:45

The world has gone mad if people 'expect' death announcements on Facebook.

Never in a million years would I share something of this nature on there.

Love51 Sat 01-Apr-17 19:49:43

Your friend appears not to have enough empathy to realise that people grieve in different ways.
The people who need to know get told of a passing away get told in an appropriate manner at an appropriate time. Even pre Facebook, some families would put it in the paper, others would choose not to.
I've known someone who was a Facebook user to pass away, and his Facebook page / contact list be used to organise a memorial event. That was the right thing for his family and friends. It doesn't mean they felt his death any more or less deeply than those who choose a different way to communicate about their loss.

People say odd things when someone dies. If your friend is otherwise lovely, I'd put it down to a stupid error / verbal diarrhoea. But if it is in character, I'd create some distance.

DJBaggySmalls Sat 01-Apr-17 19:49:50

Calling you cold for this is a nasty thing to say. Making it about her is just awful.
Sincere condolences for your loss flowers

Violetcharlotte Sat 01-Apr-17 19:51:21

How awful. I would never post on Facebook about the death of one of my family or friends. What a way for someone to find out!

SabineUndine Sat 01-Apr-17 19:53:31

I would tell her to fuck off as it's none of her business. People deal with grief in different ways and the last thing you need is someone sticking their oar in.

Moussemoose Sat 01-Apr-17 19:53:38

The pain of having to tell people is awful. Announcing a death on FB would have been beyond me.

My pain was private. It would have felt like eviscerating myself in public.
Awful, awful person for saying this to you.

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