Long so as not to drip feed.
MIL lives just over 150 miles away and has invited DD(8) to stay with her for a whole week in the summer holidays.
They have a good relationship and saw each other frequently before MIL moved away, and even since she moved has made sure to visit us most school holidays. However they have not spent a lot of time together just the two of them, this has always been MIL's choice, she refused to babysit every time we asked before she moved and whenever she takes DD out she asks DH to go to (I think this is because she wants to see him rather than because she doesn't want to be alone with DD). She has had DD for a weekend once, when DD was 4, when DD got home she said MIL wouldn't let her call me when she got homesick and wouldn't bring her home early, she only lived 10 miles away at the time, that is literally the only time they have ever been alone together. MIL said she had decided trying to distract DD was better than calling me and upsetting her more and then it was late so she didn't want to disturb me, I have used distraction myself when on sleepovers with my Rainbows so i can see that bit, but I would always call if it wasn't working/the child was really upset.
DD has been away without us quite a few times, to my parents for a night or two and for Rainbows and Brownies, but that's always been relatively local, not a week long and with people who she's spent lots of time with without me or DH there.
What's worrying me is:
a) not letting DD call me/come home when she wanted last time
b) its 150 miles away and neither DH or I drive (I can't due to medical reasons, DH hasn't learned)
c) a week is a long time.
Upsides:
a) I want DD and MIL to have nice memories together, I went on some fantastic trips with my Nanna.
b) DD loves MIL
c) MIL lives at a popular holiday destination abundant in things DD would love to do/places DD would love to go.
DD was really excited when MIL suggested it yesterday morning but then at bedtime said she was a bit worried about being so far away and does she have to go, so I'm not really sure what she wants to do.
I should add in all fairness that I don't like MIL and this may be clouding my judgement (she's annoying, very full on and at constant risk of choking on her judgy pants, criticises me and my parenting constantly and has said quite a few times that she doesn't think I'm good enough for DH) and I am also pretty pissed off she invited DD in front of me then said 'that's alright isn't it Sparkly?' rather than talking to DH or I about it first. We are civil with each other now and she did ask when my birthday is to add it to her card list yesterday and have a normal conversation but as DH and I have been together 10 years and this level of interaction is an achievement you can see how bad our relationship used to be.
MIL is pissed off because I've said DH and i need to discuss it and told her she really should have spoken to us first. DH wants DD to go. I think I would be ok with it if either DH went with DD (DD breaks up a week before the school I work in do, its that week, which DH has already booked off to look after her, him and MIL are really close so she'd probably like that too) or if DD went for a few days this time and then if she had fun we could look at her going for a week in the future.
DH thinks suggesting either option will upset MIL, it probably will but then me existing upsets her some days so you know, whatever i say will probably upset her.
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To not want DD(8) to spend a week at MIL's without me or DH
37 replies
SparklyUnicornPoo · 01/04/2017 15:16
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