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AIBU re. smoking?

(16 Posts)
RosieLig Sat 01-Apr-17 12:44:52

Will try to keep this brief but I am so pissed off and wonder if iBU?

Visiting my ILs which we haven't done for a few years. We've seen them at ours and at a holiday house they own instead. I really don't like coming here due to the smoking. My MIL has mental health issues and depression and uses smoking as a crutch.

The condition of us coming was for my DH to ask her to be considerate about the smoking. I am an ex smoker myself and am now very conscious about the damage I may have done to myself. A good friend has lung issues as has my dad all due to previous smoking.

I literally can't stand it, the smoke makes me feel nauseous. She's smoking away in the kitchen where they're all sitting. She had 2 in there by 10am and smoked last night too. Last night I sat whilst she had one and then when she lit another I went to bed (this was 11pm so not anti social)

AIBU to be annoyed? My DH is very protective of her due to her depression and won't say anything unless I make a huge issue out of it. I think he's also less sympathetic than he could be as I used to smoke so he thinks I'm being hypocritical.

Why can't she at least open a window or have one out of the back door! 😬

We normally get on fine, it's just this smoking issue.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius Sat 01-Apr-17 13:28:27

I can understand how you feel - my mum smokes like a chimney, and it makes me feel ill too. When she visits us, she only smokes outside - but when we are at her house, she smokes wherever and whenever she wants, without opening a window or door - and I have to accept that, because it is her house.

So, whilst I absolutely sympathise with you, you are being a bit unreasonable, I'm afraid.

Universitychallenging Sat 01-Apr-17 13:30:05

It's her house unfortunately. I think YAB-a bit - U

Universitychallenging Sat 01-Apr-17 13:31:20

And I do think you are being a bit hypocritical. Unless you never ever smoked inside ever and always went out the back ?

outofmydepth45 Sat 01-Apr-17 13:31:53

I agree but you a still unreasonable as it is her house

TasLondon Sat 01-Apr-17 15:25:21

It's grim, but it is her house.

kittybiscuits Sat 01-Apr-17 15:27:19

You can't dictate. It's her house. But I would leave.

RortyCrankle Sat 01-Apr-17 17:41:09

It's her house -go home if you can't cope or move into a hotel for the duration of your visit.

Billben Sat 01-Apr-17 17:45:11

I hate cigarette smoke but since it's her house the only thing you can do is stay away and don't visit anymore. I wouldn't and I would also say the reason why I won't be visiting anymore. It might be her house but fortunately you don't have to put up with it.

CreamCheez Sat 01-Apr-17 17:46:21

MIL is the same. I'll just stand at the back door, now I'm pregnant. Don't care if she doesn't like it.
But I don't expect her to move from her own chair in her own house, or stop smoking. So, YABU.

JustMyLuckUnfortubately Sat 01-Apr-17 17:46:27

Sorry OP but as it's her house YABU. I would instead invite them to visit you (with rule of smoking outside) or meet in public places where she legally has to smoke outside restaurants etc

JustMyLuckUnfortubately Sat 01-Apr-17 17:46:44

PS I'm a non-smoker

isadoradancing123 Sat 01-Apr-17 17:57:15

You ate so totally unreasonable and hypocritical

Iamastonished Sat 01-Apr-17 18:06:24

I loathe cigarette smoke so much I wouldn't go and stay with someone who smokes in the house. I wouldn't dictate to the smoker because it is their house, but I would either stay in a B & B or just not visit at all.

For the record my mother died a long, slow, horrible death from COPD. It is a horrible disease to witness.

So, YANBU to want your MIL not to smoke, but a little unreasonable to expect her not to.

PennyPickle Sat 01-Apr-17 18:23:26

Its her house. You cannot dictate the rules. Don't like it? You don't have to stay there. Non smoker here. I hate people smoking around me but I wouldn't tell someone what to do in their own home. You have the choice to stay or leave.

Babyroobs Sat 01-Apr-17 18:31:19

YANBU- My mil was a heavy smoker and she would never go outside to smoke when we visited her even when my children ( her grandchildren )were little. The odd time she came to stay with us she stayed in our bedroom and my dh let her smoke in there with a small window open !!
My dh has bad uncontrolled asthma and I see how he suffers everyday and wonder whether it was the result of being brought up in a house full of smoke although her smoking did seem to get worse as she got older.
In my work I have seen hundreds of people die horrible deaths from lung cancer, copd, and terrible head and neck and oesophageal cancers. I understand it's an addiction and really think there should be more help for eople to quit.

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