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To go out with friends when I had plans with my partner?

(69 Posts)
Emboo19 Sat 01-Apr-17 11:41:33

Firstly I know I'm being a bit unreasonable, but not sure how much so.
Me and my boyfriend got keys to a house on Wednesday and he's been there every day until late, get stuff sorted so we can stay there for the first time tonight.
My best friends are home from uni for Easter holidays and we've not been able to arrange a get together the three of us, due to holidays work etc! Got a group whatsapp last night to say they could do tonight now, if I could.

So a bit of a row with my bf followed, him not happy I'm planning on meeting friends when we are supposed to be moving in tonight! Me not happy he used the term babysitting for his own daughter!

He left early this morning to go to the house, saying 'just do what you want' I think he mumbled 'you always do'. My mum doesn't think I'm being unreasonable to do just that and we can just move in on Sunday, my friends obviously don't think I am.

I was inclined to agree and do what I want, which is see my friends.
But, he's now just sent a message, saying he's sorry, he was just upset as he's looking forward to us moving in. He knows I don't see A&B often and I should go. That's made me feel bad though and I wonder if I'm being more unreasonable than I originally thought.

Worth adding, he's never in our 3 years together, not been ok with me going out/changing plans or anything. And he's not sulky or moody so him saying go won't mean he'll then be funny with me, he's not like that!!

So AIBU to go out with friends instead of staying in with him? Please be brutally honest!

Wibblywobblyfoo Sat 01-Apr-17 11:43:14

In his position I would be really pissed off with you.

Catdogcat Sat 01-Apr-17 11:43:55


He's probably been looking forward to the first night in your new home for ages.

He's probably quite hurt you've chosen to go out with friends.

Msqueen33 Sat 01-Apr-17 11:43:59

I can understand him being upset. But if you're not changing plans all the time and your friends aren't home that much he should be flexible. He might just be tired from sorting all the stuff for the house and that's why he's being a bit snappy.

SharkBastard Sat 01-Apr-17 11:44:56

YABU. I'd be pissed at you too. You had plans and now you are dumping them for other plans

StillDrivingMeBonkers Sat 01-Apr-17 11:45:28

TBH, I'd be annoyed with you too.

You have no sense of priorities.

Katedotness1963 Sat 01-Apr-17 11:46:00

He's been working hard so you can get into your new house and then you decide to go out with your mates instead? I'd not be happy.

Ollycat Sat 01-Apr-17 11:46:06

You are being unreasonable- you were supposed to be moving into your new house together today but you appear to have made the decision that you're not doing that! I'd be pissed off with you!

Sirzy Sat 01-Apr-17 11:46:44

Moving into a new place together is a big thing I can understand why he is pissed off

DearMrDilkington Sat 01-Apr-17 11:50:48

Your being really U. Apologise to him and see your friends another night.

PizzaPlease Sat 01-Apr-17 11:51:25

I'd be annoyed at you too. This was your first night. It's a big deal, and he wanted to spend it with his family.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Sat 01-Apr-17 11:52:38

Reverse it - how pissed off would you be??

scaryteacher Sat 01-Apr-17 11:52:44

YABU. This is a big step for you and your partner. It says quite a lot about how you regard him and your relationship if you can't see that and would rather go out with friends.

GinasGirl Sat 01-Apr-17 11:53:34

If I was him I'd be feeling a little deflated and upset after getting the place ready and getting all excited about the first night there, and I'd probably end up getting a bit arsey and snappy, so I can see his point of view.
However it's kind of done now, and the shine might be off trying to go back to the original plans.

PinkHeart59156816 Sat 01-Apr-17 11:54:19

Yes you are being unreasonable. Your plans with your partner were arranged for tonight, why would you drop that at late notice? Surely as an adult you say to your friends " sorry can't come tonight as you know I am moving in to my new home"

Your partner has been at the house late everyday getting it ready and you decide you want to go out with friends instead of moving in? confused

Moving in togtherer is a huge thing and if dh had fucked off out with his friends instead I would of been annoyed too.

BillSykesDog Sat 01-Apr-17 11:54:32

YABVU. Apologise and cancel. I presume his daughter will be with you too and it is VVU to criticise his choice of words when you're dumping them both to go out.

gamerwidow Sat 01-Apr-17 11:55:46

I'd be annoyed too in his position. He has worked really hard this week so you can move in together on this date and now it must feel like he has wasted his time.

ThePiglet59 Sat 01-Apr-17 11:56:13

Sounds to me like he had better get used to it.
You are acting like a teenager. "My mum says it's OK"

Good luck to him for the future.

Bottlesoflove Sat 01-Apr-17 11:56:26

I would be mega pissed off if my dp made plans on moving in day - moving often is more complicated/takes longer than you think. I moved recently. How would you feel if the tables were turned? And wtf has your mum got to do with it?!

user1471517900 Sat 01-Apr-17 11:56:38

I would go out but make the moving in on Sunday a big thing. I think he's reacted well here as he was understandably upset, but then he's figured the moving in day is still there and you can enjoy your night out. Maybe you treat the first meal in house or whatever, but all is good here.

mumeeee Sat 01-Apr-17 11:57:42


HicDraconis Sat 01-Apr-17 11:59:37

Brutal honesty? YABVU. Your bf has been getting this house ready for you to spend the first night together in it, you're moving in to your own place which is a huge thing and you seem not to care.

If I were your bf I would be rethinking the whole moving in thing to be honest, that comment of "you do what you want, you always do" speaks volumes about how he thinks you see him. His follow up message explaining that he was upset because he has been looking forward to it is lovely.

You would be very unreasonable to go out with your friends now - I would be moving heaven and earth to let your bf know how appreciated he is. Would you really be able to enjoy yourself, going out with them, knowing that in doing so you have left him alone at home on what was meant to be your first night together in a new place, and knowing that he is upset about it?

However I expect you will go out. You want to, he has been very adult about his disappointment and told you that he's OK with it, and in spite of many people here telling you that it would be unreasonable I can't imagine you'll take any notice of anyone else's opinion.

user1471441955 Sat 01-Apr-17 12:01:37


VenusOfWillendorf Sat 01-Apr-17 12:01:51

YABU. He's clearly been looking forward to it and you're giving the impression it's not that big a deal to you. You weren't available, you had plans ... until something better came along. I'd be upset too.

OnionKnight Sat 01-Apr-17 12:02:09

I'd be pissed off if I was him and I think it's telling that you're using your mum says it's okay to try to justify it.

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