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to be pissed off at DP dictating the household rules?

(33 Posts)
Hoptastic53 Sat 01-Apr-17 11:13:58

I have always had dogs and they have always been allowed on the sofa. I put a throw on one side they're allowed on and I alternate and wash it every few days. The DC love snuggling with the dogs to read, draw or watch TV - as do I. This morning DP decided he doesn't want dogs on the sofa anymore (the sofa I bought, I should add) and threw their throw out saying they are making it smell. Obviously the dogs are still going on the sofa but without the throw now, so they actually will make the sofa smell. He keeps moaning at the DC and I to tell the dogs to get off if we see them on there but didn't actually consult us on this new rule. Downstairs is open plan so the room can't be closed off and unless he's going to watch the sofa 24/7, his rule is impossible to enforce. One of the DC got annoyed at him shouting at the dogs and said we'll just buy a new throw when he's working away next week and he's made it clear he expects me to enforce his rule hmm

This may all be a bit more acceptable if he backed my rules up, but he doesn't. Our youngest is 2 and when I brush her teeth, I just do it and tell her she can't walk around with the toothbrush like she usually asks to do. She accepts this. However, when he brushes her teeth he let's her walk around with it which means she brushes it on the walls/floor/toilet which means her teeth can't actually be brushed because it needs to be thrown away and it's then up to me to replace it. Then next time she asks me to walk with it and I say no, it causes upset but he still keeps doing it. He says me asking him to just brush her teeth is dictating to him and he'll do it how he sees fit.

AIBU to think he shouldn't be dictating rules that aren't working for the rest of the household and then expecting me to deal with the aftermath?

fuzzywuzzy Sat 01-Apr-17 11:16:22

Yanbu, especially as he's not even around to enforce his new rule!

Does he have any eandearing qualities?

happypoobum Sat 01-Apr-17 11:16:43

YANBU - who made him the boss of everyone?

Why do you have to wait until he goes away to get a new throw? Get one now and tell him he can pay for it as he threw the old one away. If he doesn't like it he can fuck off and live somewhere else.

peeriebear Sat 01-Apr-17 11:18:07

Buy a new throw. Give 'D'P a dog bed on the floor.
Really though everybody seems happy with the way things are/were apart from him. Why did he not have a discussion about it instead of laying down the law? Does he always expect to be deferred to?
He sounds like a bit of a jackass tbh.

HermioneJeanGranger Sat 01-Apr-17 11:18:53

Tell him to get off the sofa and let the dogs stay there!

HecateAntaia Sat 01-Apr-17 11:19:37

point out his hypocrisy.
plus the fact that a dog on a sofa is unlikely to injure anyone whereas a toddler with a toothbrush? .. kid wanders off with toothbrush in mouth... kid falls over forward... kid in hospital.

OttoChocoLab Sat 01-Apr-17 11:20:43

He says me asking him to just brush her teeth is dictating to him and he'll do it how he sees fit.

Tell him that his telling you to keep the dogs of of the sofa is dictating to you and you'll do as you see fit.

What's good for the Goose...

QueenArseClangers Sat 01-Apr-17 11:26:31

Well he sounds a right dick.

peeriebear Sat 01-Apr-17 11:27:54

Are things otherwise a partnership? Are you happy with him?
In all the years I was with exDH (amicable split) not once did he, or I, decide on something without discussing it and present it as a fait accompli to the other. Families and relationships can't work like that.

Chloe84 Sat 01-Apr-17 11:28:00

Ugh, he sounds horrible. Sounds like he just wants to throw his weight around.

Why did you buy the sofa? Does he contribute to the house?

SpreadYourHappiness Sat 01-Apr-17 11:28:33

YABU. Dogs on furniture is disgusting and it does make it smell, throw or not.

StillDrivingMeBonkers Sat 01-Apr-17 11:35:59

Dogs on the furniture? Minging.

People have to sit there without some hound licking its bollocks and dribbling all over the place.

>misses the point<

I agree with your partner.

And supervise your child in the bathroom whilst she cleans her teeth.

Zaphodsotherhead Sat 01-Apr-17 11:36:55

If the dogs have always been allowed on the sofa you're going to have the devil's own job telling them that they aren't any more - and they are going to get really confused if you allow them up and then he shouts at them that they aren't...

Dogs are part of the family. If you want them on the sofa, they why shouldn't they be alllowed? Maybe you could compromise by not letting them up if they are wet/mucky (dry dogs don't, IMO, smell at all).

JonesyAndTheSalad Sat 01-Apr-17 11:38:40

How old are the poor dogs? They can't be expected to suddenly change like that!

How long have you been with this man?

peeriebear Sat 01-Apr-17 11:44:17

Regardless of whether other people let dogs on their sofas (my mum does, Hector lays on a throw which is regularly changed and her house does not smell even a tiny bit of dog), the OP is happy to have the dogs on her sofa and the dogs are used to it. Even if her DP thought it was the worst thing he had ever seen in his life he should have DISCUSSED IT. Not dropped a new rule on everyone and said "Live with it."

happypoobum Sat 01-Apr-17 11:49:32

Yes I can see this thread getting derailed with people saying whether or not they think dogs should be on sofas - it isn't the point of OPs question She wants to know whether it is OK for her to be pissed off with DH making unilateral and unenforceable decisions.

Zhan Sat 01-Apr-17 12:06:34

Your DH can't just suddenly decide a new rule for the house and expect everyone to abide by it! Tell him the dogs ARE allowed on the sofa and he doesn't get to dictate otherwise without discussion with the other adult in the house!

HerBluebiro Sat 01-Apr-17 12:16:31

When there are two adults in a house one cannot unilaterally change a rule. There was an accepted rule. He did not like it. But he accepted it when he moved in with you, your dogs and your sofa.

If/when these dogs die. Then you can both decide new rules. And it is reasonable for him to say 'no dogs on the sofa' then and if you can't agree for him to object to getting a new dog. You may at that point disagree further and decide a new dog (on the sofa) is more important than the old dp.

But unilateral rule changing is unfair and this one is unenforceable

floraeasy Sat 01-Apr-17 12:20:30


I have always had dogs and they have always been allowed on the sofa. I put a throw on one side they're allowed on and I alternate and wash it every few days

Sounds like a good arrangement and you have considered hygiene with the throws.

Why has this suddenly become a bone of contention with your DH, I wonder? Have you asked him where it came from?

This may all be a bit more acceptable if he backed my rules up, but he doesn't

Definitely unfair. Can't he see this?

However, when he brushes her teeth he let's her walk around with it which means she brushes it on the walls/floor/toilet which means her teeth can't actually be brushed

This is far more serious than dogs with their own throw on the sofa IMO. Your child's health is at stake. Why doesn't he seem to care about her teeth being brushed properly?

He says me asking him to just brush her teeth is dictating to him and he'll do it how he sees fit

Again, making sure your daughter has good mouth hygiene is hardly dictating to him. It's also unfair that he is the only one allowed to make rules in your home.

What's your DH like in general, OP? Is there anything else happening around this time that would explain his behaviour?

alfagirl73 Sat 01-Apr-17 12:30:00

Your dogs, your sofa, your throw... how come he suddenly gets to dictate the rules?! He's not your boss!

If he doesn't like it then he can buy his own sofa that he can insist on being dog-free!

Alternatively, if he is increasingly behaving like a dictator and insisting on you obeying HIS rules, then I'd be telling him to find himself another house that he can run as he sees fit... but that's just me. A partner should be that - a PARTNER - not your boss or someone you "obey" whenever they decide on a whim to unilaterally introduce some arbitrary "rule" that may not work for everyone else.

notangelinajolie Sat 01-Apr-17 12:33:03

I don't really think this is about dogs on sofas, it sounds like you both need to talk about this and the all the rules that you both seem to want to live your life by. He needs to compromise and you need to not let the dog on the sofa when he is around wink

If you both share your lives together then I don't think your argument of whoever bought the sofa has the final say is a good one. Your sofa, his rules, your rules, it all sounds a bit territorial. If you are wanting to stay a couple you need to start thinking that way.

Jux Sat 01-Apr-17 12:40:10

Just get a new throw. Do it today.

Btw, your marriage is a battlefield, you both have to stop it. If he expects consultation and agreement over your rules then he needs to show you the same courtesy and respect. You both need to agree how you are going to resolve conflict whether it be small things or large.

Hoptastic53 Sat 01-Apr-17 23:40:30

We don't generally argue, it's just irritating me more often than he keeps making unilateral decisions that he expects me to abide by - that isn't a partnership in my book.

The dogs are 3 and 12. They aren't allowed on the sofa if they're wet or muddy but other than that I don't mind and I don't understand why he suddenly does. They've been on and off it all day with the throw so his little strop this morning actually achieved precisely nothing. I didn't have a chance to buy a new throw today but will do tomorrow. While also telling him that he can buy five toothbrushes next time we're shopping as I'm fed up of replacing them for him grin

Wando1986 Sun 02-Apr-17 01:07:22

To those saying dogs being on the sofa is disgusting, I can assure you most dog owners wash their sofa covers and throws much more often than you probably change your bed linen - get over yourself. Your couch is covered in filth and feces particles, regardless. There are more important things to worry about than a bit of dog spit on a cushion for a few hours.

ColouringMandalas Sun 02-Apr-17 01:22:16

The unilateral dictating would worry me.

The imposed hierarchy with himself at the top would worry me.

Him shouting at the dogs would worry me.

Neglecting child hygiene would worry me.

Next he'll be shouting at the kids and telling you what you can wear.


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