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To think this is not rude?

(145 Posts)
Lulabell1979 Sat 01-Apr-17 09:48:01

Would you consider the phrase"have you got the hump today?" to be rude?

Context - business meeting, someone senior from other organisation being very rude, not listening, interrupting aggressively pushing an idea, having a go at junior member of team, then starts having a go at my organisation saying we don't do anything. (We provide thousands of pounds of support and man hours to his organisation that is a charity). He is normally quite jovial but is bossy. I was getting so annoyed by him my options were to end the meeting or cut him dead somehow. I said the hump comment because I believed he had a sense of humour. Clearly not! I recognise it's not the most professional thing to say but when someone is being incessantly aggressive towards you I don't think it is the worst I could have said? Whilst he presents as being friendly/ jokey he is also very "boys club" and my boss has now told me off about this. Can't help feeling he just didn't like a woman telling him to back off and am v pissed off that I have been called over it. AIBU?

TaliDiNozzo Sat 01-Apr-17 09:49:29

It is rude but in that context it was by far the lesser of two evils as it sounds like the man was being awful.

booloobalooloo Sat 01-Apr-17 09:51:09

Yes, I'd consider that very rude. And more likely to wind things up more than create a more productive atmosphere.

Lulabell1979 Sat 01-Apr-17 09:51:47

So what would you have said?

harderandharder2breathe Sat 01-Apr-17 09:53:23

Yes it was rude and pointless as if someone is in a strop they don't want it pointing out and doing so will make them stroppier

peachgreen Sat 01-Apr-17 09:53:39

So from your description he's essentially your customer? Yeah, I'm afraid that it was rude and incredibly unprofessional in that context.

Birdsgottaf1y Sat 01-Apr-17 09:53:50

If it was a close working relationship, I'd say it's fine.

It was an expression that one of my Managers used, regularly and it used to make people rethink how they were coming across, without making it a serious issue.

If your Boss has an issue, then he should have stepped in sooner.

Would he have rather you pulled him on his "Unprofessional conduct and lack of mutual respect"? Because that's what you were dealing with.

VeryButchyRestingFace Sat 01-Apr-17 09:53:56

It's a bit too casual/direct/matey for the circumstances described and I wouldn't be surprised to hear that it may have inflamed things.

He does sound like an arse though.

SharkBastard Sat 01-Apr-17 09:54:52

Yes it was rude and exacerbated the situation. It's not professional, and I'd be pissed if a man said that to me

Bluntness100 Sat 01-Apr-17 09:54:53

Yes, it's rude to say that to someone in a professional context, to a friend fine, but not in a business meeting. The fact your boss told you off would indicate it was inappropriate. It's nothing to do with the fact youre female, please do not try to make it about sexism. It would be equally rude coming from a man.

He may well have been behaving badly, but two wrongs don't make a right.

booloobalooloo Sat 01-Apr-17 09:54:55

It does sound like he was being awful and unprofessional btw. But I'm not sure that you being unprofessional and rude back helps the situation. Especially if it would be a major issue to lose the work if he looks elsewhere.

blackteasplease Sat 01-Apr-17 09:55:03

I think it was fine. Sounds like he needed telling.

Lulabell1979 Sat 01-Apr-17 09:55:06

He's not our customer. They are a nominated charity. They get an awful lot from us and sat there accusing us of doing nothing. I have charities asking daily to take their place.

Universitychallenging Sat 01-Apr-17 09:55:53

Rude and unprofessional. Sorry.

Lulabell1979 Sat 01-Apr-17 09:56:17

Also sorry to drop feed boss not in meeting, she spoke to him after to say wasn't happy with how he treated us. That was the one tagging he picked up on after his atrocious behaviour for over an hour where we had barely got a word in.

stonecircle Sat 01-Apr-17 09:56:20

Hmm - sounds like you misjudged the situation. I wouldn't have used that phrase as I do think it sounds rude, but might have said something less flippant or designed to calm things.

But I agree, there's nothing worse than the jovial, one-of-the-team type people who then pull rank when they're feeling bolshy.

booloobalooloo Sat 01-Apr-17 09:57:22

I would have closed the meeting. Saying something about how you are not proving productive today and maybe you both need to go away and think about the issues raised and come together to resolve them at a later date.

coolaschmoola Sat 01-Apr-17 09:58:19

Yep, rude and unprofessional. I would have said something along the lines of, 'I think we've reached a point where we should stop for now as this is not constructive. Let's take some time to consider the points raised and reconvene on xx xx.'

Or, tbh, ANYTHING that was politer and more appropriate than what actually came out of your mouth.

Bluntness100 Sat 01-Apr-17 09:58:42

So what would you have said?

Well your boss was there and he didn't feel the need to say it. You don't call someone up on their behaviour like that in a meeting, especially a senior person from another organisation, you simply maintain a professional front and handle the situation with polite dignity.

If it's a direct report you handle it discreetly outwith the meeting.

Lulabell1979 Sat 01-Apr-17 09:59:20

@Bluntness100 boss wasn't there

LiviaDrusillaAugusta Sat 01-Apr-17 09:59:47

It's incredibly rude! However badly he was behaving, a comment like that will just add fuel to the fire!

booloobalooloo Sat 01-Apr-17 10:00:25

So, you were both rude and unprofessional. And were both pulled up for it by your boss...

pictish Sat 01-Apr-17 10:00:28

I think he sounds like a self-important arse. I don't think what you said was the worst...particularly if he was being aggressive and rude first. I agree that he didn't like being confronted, even mildly.

Trifleorbust Sat 01-Apr-17 10:02:14

The test is probably whether you would say it to a client with the power to get you fired. If not, it is usually not polite and possibly unprofessional. 'The hump' is suggestive of him being childish, petty and personal - that is not professional.

Bluntness100 Sat 01-Apr-17 10:02:43

Ok boss wasn't there, either handle it politely or close the meeting, but the comment was overly familiar and rude. You write like you're personally doing them a big favour as they are a charity so he should just be grateful. I'm not convinced that's how your company sees it.

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