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to ask my 11 year old to be responsible for her own sports kit?

(23 Posts)
nigelforgotthepassword Sat 01-Apr-17 09:11:19

Both my DD's play football for a girls team.This involves matches every Saturday and training twice a week.
They have a training kit and match kits (home and away). After they have played I ask them to either return the kit to the bags or put it in the laundry-which I do.9 times out of 10 dd1 just leaves her stuff wherever she has taken it off-I thought she was getting a bit better, but apparently not.
DD's are at their Dads last night and are playing this morning.Their dad has just messaged to say 'can I look for dd1s shirt as its not in the bag'. I was out having an early coffee (luxury!) at the time but went home, looked and found it screwed up under some other clothes (that she was meant to put away) in the bottom of her cupboard.
The coach is very strict and expects everyone to turn up in full kit looking professional. Would it be unreasonable to tell her she has to go and explain to him that she doesn't have it and take whatever telling off she gets? At age 11 she should surely be capable of putting it back in a bag, and I've asked her to do this and explained she needs to be responsible hundreds of times. What does everyone else's 11 year old do re this sort of stuff?

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sat 01-Apr-17 09:13:33

I think that's fair enough. She's not had to learn to look after her stuff until now because you'll do it for her.

ForalltheSaints Sat 01-Apr-17 09:18:31

Have you forgotten that personal responsibility was abolished in 1999?

WateryTart Sat 01-Apr-17 09:21:41

I wouldn't have left the coffee shop.

Let her take the flack.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sat 01-Apr-17 09:24:08

DD1 has to learn if she can't be bothered to look after her stuff eventually this will backfire. Today's that day.

Universitychallenging Sat 01-Apr-17 09:26:12

Yip and I would be making her wash it too (sayz me who has just hosed rugby training kit out the back before putting it in the wash for DS who is a lot older than 11!)

ThouShallNotPass Sat 01-Apr-17 09:30:27

YANBU. At 11 she is more than capable of looking after her own things. My DD(10) currently under the threat of having no clothes or underwear after DH and I keep finding random dirty socks and knickers shoved down the back of her headboard, on the floor, under the bed etc. Other clothes too. I'm getting a hamper (or a bin) and will be either locking up everything I find or binning it. It won't be long until all she has left is pyjamas and she'll be screaming the house down when that's all she can go out and play in.

Your DD needs to learn to be responsible for her stuff. Teach her the hard way, let her deal with her coach when she doesn't have the correct uniform.

MrsTwix Sat 01-Apr-17 09:36:46

I think the coach telling her may be a lot more effective than you telling her. Can you speak to DD dad to make sure he understands why you are taking this position and that you have told her to put it back several times?

specialsubject Sat 01-Apr-17 09:38:43

No consequences, no learning. Time for consequences. No one will die.

Rainydayspending Sat 01-Apr-17 09:42:31

11? Absolutely. She could probably start taking on the responsibility of laundering it all too.

LegoCaltrops Sat 01-Apr-17 09:44:55

Hopefully next time she will actually do as you've asked her to. Excellent learning experience.

Millipedewithherfeetup Sat 01-Apr-17 09:50:25

She is 11 years old, not a responsible adult, she is not at home and can't sort it herself, give her some slack, you've already found it for her anyway.

AuntieStella Sat 01-Apr-17 09:55:35

11 - in year 6 or 7?

I would expect it of a secondary age DC for sure (though my scatty one has still not got the hang of it, but it's more effort for her because of her SpLD). Primary I'd expect need more help - so even though the mantra of 'habe you checked your footie kit?' can really wear you down, I think you probably need to do it.

Only go for the 'take the consequences' approach once you are sure it's the right thing for the level of competency. If you're asking, it might not yet be the time.

nigelforgotthepassword Sat 01-Apr-17 12:06:14

Year 6.
I think what annoyed me most was that it's surely the same effort to stash a football top in the bottom of the wardrobe as it is to put it back in a bag? I'd asked if it was in the bag, she said yes- and its more that she can't be bothered than about competency.
I take the point that 11 is quite young which is why I posted-but at some stage she is going to need to learn this stuff. At the equivalent age I was packing all my stuff for my hobby myself.My parents are aghast at the way they come in and just drop everything everywhere, but then they were quite strict so I can't gage what's normal.

I took it for her this morning but I've told her it's absolutely the last time-next time she will have to tell the coach herself and face whatever happens as a result.

HorridHenryrule Sat 01-Apr-17 12:15:32

She is 11 and you do need to help organise her. You are her mother and it's up to you to help her.

BackforGood Sat 01-Apr-17 12:31:58

YWBU to have left the coffee shop.
I would have replied that you'd asked her if she'd got it and she said she had. Today would have been the time to learn by getting told off by the coach.
She'd still be able to play, but she might remember next time.

Although she probably wouldn't, I STILL have to ask dd - who is 15- for her kit when I go to do the wash on a Sunday. Some dc are more organisationally challenged than others.

MrsTwix Sat 01-Apr-17 12:57:15

She did help to organise her HorridHenry. She found and washed her top and she told her to put it in the bag. She followed up and asked if she had put it in the bag. The child lied to her mum and said she put it in the bag.

I think telling her today is the final time is a very fair compromise. She will be starting secondary school later this year and needs to be able to organise herself. No one wants to teach a class of year 7s that didn't bring the right book to school and blame mummy.

MrsTwix Sat 01-Apr-17 12:58:40

It's the lying and can't be bothered but expecting you to run round that would bother me. As I said I think it's fair to warn her today, but do follow through on that warning if there is a next time.

nigelforgotthepassword Sat 01-Apr-17 13:40:20

Horrid Henry-I washed the kit, gave it to her, asked her to put it back in her bag which is in her room-along with hanging up a top that was on the floor.She put both top and Football kit in the bottom of the cupboard and when asked (by me, to check that it was in there) said she had put it in her bag.
I pack their bag to go to their Dads.I ask them what they need for school the next day and make sure they put it in their bags.I generally do most of the organising to be fair.But at some point they are going to need to learn to do it themselves...

What age is appropriate for them to start to do some of this stuff?

SuperRainbows Sat 01-Apr-17 13:49:40

Every child is different. Your dd sounds like she still needs support with this type of thing. I've had 4 dcs and they've all been different and I've helped them if they're struggling.

I find some posters quite harsh on here.

HorridHenryrule Sat 01-Apr-17 14:15:53

I was told up to the age of 11 they should be wrapped in cotton wool. Then when she got to year 7 I should help organise her I did tell her everyday to make sure she had everything packed. It was her reading book she left behind a lot of the time. I would say year 8 onwards they should be doing their own organising. They are more likely to get detention if they forget that's when they start to learn.

LemonBreeland Sat 01-Apr-17 14:22:30

The people who think you are harsh are the ones who probably do every little thing dor their DC and will be waking up 18 year olds to go to work.

YANBU to make sure it's the last time. You shouldn't have done it this time. You did help organise her by asking if she had the top in her bag. She told you she did. That should be the end of your involvement.

IJustWantABrew Sat 01-Apr-17 14:35:26

You sound like you've gone to the effort of reminding her she needs to include her top. She's either been forgetful or has packed the wrong top by mistake.
Make t clear to her the next time she forgets her kit she will have to explain to her coach what has happened.
Think of this as good preparation for year 7. Are you going to be packing her school bag every day?, I was expected to do that myself as well as remember to take p.e kit.
I would also make sure she puts her dirty kit either in the laundry basket or by the washing machine, if it's dirty for practice she will quickly learn. No one likes a smelly kit.

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