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AIBU?

to ask for a gentle boot up the hole?

49 replies

myoriginal3 · 01/04/2017 00:04

It's coming up to 7 years now that I have been with my partner.

He beat me black and blue on Valentines Day about a year in.

I've done the whole court thing (further incident) and I didn't pursue it past the first court appearance.

He has beaten me and almost strangled me to death on one occasion. I moved country along with him the day of his court appearance.

Last night we had a row and I threw him out. He spat at me. He hasn't hit me in about 2 years.

So he came back today and I let him in. Then the anger was just building inside me so I've thrown him out again.

He's out. But I need to keep him out.

Please be gentle with me. My mental health isn't the strongest, so I'm not sure I could handle a mn bollockin, but I need something. Something to just stop me taking him back.

Of course I will tell you that he's lovely etc., but.......

I have my own problems (alcohol). I'm not a saintly victim. But I keep fucking taking him back and I need the strength to not do it anymore. Please help?

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fruitbats · 01/04/2017 00:09

my I have often seen you post on other threads and you always seem so strong.
You know what I am going to say - get rid of him. I will to believe anything you say about him being lovely. Lovely people don't hurt those they love. Especially not physically hurt them.
Get rid of him then you will be more able to deal with your own issues. Good luck

myoriginal3 · 01/04/2017 00:11

Thank you fruitbats. I guess that's the thing that I need to compute.

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fruitbats · 01/04/2017 00:11

And can I also say - being spat on is almost worse than being punched imho. It shows a complete disrespect for the other person.

Friendofsadgirl · 01/04/2017 00:12

He's really the least lovely human being you have ever had the misfortune to know. Beating you up, strangulation and spitting on you
You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. This creature will never show you any such compassion.
Well done for kicking him out. Can I suggest you do the Freedom Programme

fruitbats · 01/04/2017 00:13

that should say 'I won't believe anything you say about him being lovely

angelikacpickles · 01/04/2017 00:17

He's not lovely. He's just not. Lovely people don't beat other people black and blue, especially not those they claim to love.

myoriginal3 · 01/04/2017 00:17

For some reason the spitting has just unleashed something in me. It is the most disgusting disrespectful ignorant thing to do.
I asked him to apologise today and he wouldn't because it was my fault.
I've read so many god-damned threads on here with the exact same shite.
I don't want to be another gobshite who is too weak to get away.
That said, I'm quite vulnerable in that I've no friends here.
I know I can do it though. I just need a little help I suppose.

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myoriginal3 · 01/04/2017 00:19

I have been meaning to look up the Freedom Programme as I see it mentioned here frequently. I'll look at the link tomorrow. Thank you for taking the time to post.

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haveacupoftea · 01/04/2017 00:19

If you don't take him back he might end up killing you. Dont let that evil man near you again

Deadsouls · 01/04/2017 00:19

This man doesn't love you. He might say he does but he doesn't. He's an abuser. It won't get better, whatever he says, it will get worse if you let him back. I hope that you can find strength to shut the door on him forever. Do you have children together?
If not, go no contact. It'll be hard but close down all communication. Do not leave an gaps for him to reach you. It's the only way for you to recover from this. You are most probably suffering from trauma. Have you got support for yourself?

If you do have children together then you may have to have minimal communication but not until you are stronger. You can do it. Please access whatever resources you can to get help. Try to get help from a domestic violence charity like women's aid. (.I'm assuming you're in the U.K., I could be wrong).
It might seem impossible now but you can break this addiction to a violent man and recover. What you've been through is a horrific ordeal. Don't go back.

haveacupoftea · 01/04/2017 00:20

If you do take him back that should read. FS

fruitbats · 01/04/2017 00:21

my I spend most of my evenings reading dozens of threads. I don't post on them but I recognise the names of many posters. You are one of them. I know it is far easier to give advice on other people's problems than it is to deal with our own. Why do you think you have stayed with such a loser?

cordeliavorkosigan · 01/04/2017 00:22

do not take him back. imagine us as a crowd of strength behind you every step of the way. he's an abusive shit and not worth a minute more of your time.

myoriginal3 · 01/04/2017 00:24

No children together. I have a daughter who lives in Ireland. He is not her Dad but she is very fond of him god bless us. Another hurdle. I know she'd be grand once she knew I was doing well. She hasn't a clue about any of this so wouldn't understand a break-up.

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twattymctwatterson · 01/04/2017 00:24

You say you're not a saint and have your own issues- do you think not being with someone who beats you and spits on you would help your issues? I'm betting it would

fruitbats · 01/04/2017 00:25

And you know that it was not your fault.
I once spoke to a women who had been involved in a disturbance in a nightclub. The doorman threw her out and whilst she was laid on the floor, he pissed on her. Literally pissed on her. I felt sick just hearing about it. I would rather he punched her in the face than degrade her in that way. I feel exactly the same way about spitting. it is so degrading. You are worth so much more.

fruitbats · 01/04/2017 00:26

*woman

myoriginal3 · 01/04/2017 00:27

Thank you Cordelia. It's why I posted. I just know you'll all be behind me to do the difficult thing.

Sweet Jesus I used to be the life and soul of every party. Apparently I was the finest looking woman in the town pmsl (I'm of that vintage).

I now have a pain across my shoulders from stress and a rash on my face. I look like a heroin addict ffs.

I know it has to be done. Today is the fucking day. I'm not taking any more.

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cordeliavorkosigan · 01/04/2017 00:29

you go! you'll be awesome.
I agree, whatever issues you think you have, maybe you do, but losing this dirtbag has got to help!

myoriginal3 · 01/04/2017 00:31

Certainly, I do believe that I will address the ISSUE easier when on my own.
My life reads like some sort of daily mail article.
I'm resolute tonight. Please keep me resolute.

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fruitbats · 01/04/2017 00:32

We are here with you my. Get rid of him and then you can assess if you still have your 'own problems with alcohol'. We can be here to support you with that as well

OurFlo · 01/04/2017 00:33

myoriginal
You know what you've got to do. I know it's hard to break the cycle and easier to have him back but you are worth so much more than that. He is not worthy of you.

Don't excuse his behaviour, none of us are saints and we each have our own problems, your's will be so much easier to deal with without him. Your issues are not an excuse or a reason for him to be violent or treat you with such utter disrespect and don't let anyone tell you different.

If the spitting has unleashed something in you then hold on to that and don't forget how it feels. You've taken the first step, now take one day at a time and be kind to yourself.
You can do this and life will be better without him

AcrossthePond55 · 01/04/2017 00:35

Do you have support IRL? Sometimes it helps to have friends or family knowing what's going on, knowing that they're watching and expecting you to be strong can help keep you strong.

myoriginal3 · 01/04/2017 00:35

fruitbats - I stayed with him mainly due to emotional attachment and also financial vulnerability. General vulnerability in a lot of areas really.
I'm on a stronger footing now financially. I'm not sure that I'm stronger emotionally, but I feel I am a little bit.

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fruitbats · 01/04/2017 00:35

I would recommend that you tell your DD what has been going on. It may be an initial shock but she will be able to support you as well. You can't hide it from her forever if you are determined to get rid of this shit.

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