Looking for some impartial advice really. We have a 7mo DD who is our whole world, multiple mc whilst ttc, and most of my friends know all about our struggle.
A few months ago myself and said friends went out for a ladies day of lunch and a (good) few drinks. Met in a coffee shop, friend A arrives and ask how's motherhood and how's it all going? General chit chat. (I might add that friend A is a friend of a friend who I rarely see but get along with when we do meet in our social circle) Friends B,C & D arrive shortly afterwards whilst myself and friend A are still chatting about my DD, from the look on their faces it's clear to me that they have no interest in listening to this or asking after my DD, these women are supposed to be my good friends (one was my maid of honour). Lots of turning away from the conversation and talking about the menu in the coffee shop. So I ask each one in turn about them and what's been happening since I saw them last? Friend B (maid of honour) saw the weekend previous for a cuppa at my house, I asked if their summer holiday was all booked? Friend C hadn't seen since DD was around 5 weeks old, I asked about her new job offer and about her weight loss (she'd posted on FB the previous night ) and also asked Friend D how her holiday down under was and inquired about all the places she'd visited. So as a Friend I'm showing an interest in their lives and asking about things important to them, so AIBU by thinking at least one of them could ask after my DD and me seeing as it's such a life changing event, messaged my DH later to ask if I was right to be pissed off they hadn't mentioned DD the whole day we were out together, DH being a reasonable man also couldn't understand this. The day finished after quite a few drinks with me quietly seething that these were my good friends and only a friend of a friend had the decency to ask about my DD.
A week or so later DH of Friend C text my DH to arrange a get together, my DH answered with "shit was kind of upset after the other day as none of the girls asked after DD like she didn't exist, not sure what that was all about, so I'll let you know" DH didn't text friend back however they met up this week for a catch up and DH said again "Why do you think that B,C & D behaved that way?" Friend DH agreed it was a crappy thing to do, later that day I receive a message from Friend C asking if we could maybe get together to build some bridges! I asked why they all decided not to mention my DD that day and she got quite defensive and said she was just offering an olive branch and to let her know if I wanted to meet for a drink to talk.
Message then arrives from Friend B saying C is upset and now she's upset too as I have accused them of behaving maliciously, and I should change my recollection of the day out as thats not what happened! So now it's 3 against me trying to say that they joined in the original conversation between me and A.....no they fucking didn't!
To add B,C & D don't have DC's nor do they claim to want them. Friend A does have 2 DD and there was a discussion about her DC's eating habits during the day so it's not like it was a child free day in that sense.
Sorry for the ridiculously long post but need some perspective here, I know I sound all PFB but what type of friends don't ask about something so massive?
Is this a case of friendship going bad after children or are they just mean
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AIBU?
AIBU or were my friends just being mean?
209 replies
Shitgotreal16 · 31/03/2017 22:37
OP posts:
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