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AIBU To ask you to help me sort my shit out.

(6 Posts)
User12456788899999999 Fri 31-Mar-17 21:55:37

Namechange incase you're someone I went to school with (including DHs baby sister, or my cousin Julia.)

I know I Aibu to feel like such a jealous bitch, but could you help?

I'll try not to dripfeed or make this too long.

But I hate everyone and their accidental babies.

Today three women who I went to school with have announced their pregnancies.

Whilst another dozen friends acquaintances and colleagues are also pregnant too.

But what gets me is that all the women I've spoken to speak of accidents

ACCIDENTAL PREGNANCIES.

"We are just as shocked as you are but we're having a baby"

"It wasn't what we planned..."

HOW THE FUCKING HELL DO THESE PEOPLE GET ACCIDENTAL PREGNANCIES?!

I'm not a horrible person I swear.

(And I do know some could be lying about accidents because it's easier than coping with a fertility struggle)

I'm so fucking pleased, I really am. they're all going to be amazing and I love them so much.

It just doesn't seem fair

I can't stop crying, most evenings. My gp is a twat. And I can't see it ever, ever happening to me.

I haven't told anyone I feel like this, because I really don't want to bring the mood down.
I have been for coffee with three pregnant friends this afternoon, and am currently writing this from a reasturant loo, as I'm out with my cousin and SiL who are both pregnant too.

What can I do to get rid of my green eyed monster!

I want to cry. Right. This. Second.
My nose is running and my eyes sting.

There are babies and pregnant ladies everywhere

I don't want to be the person who tells them how shit feel or be the person who lowers the celebratory tone and makes them feel like they can't enjoy their beautiful babies. I just don't know how I can enjoy with them. But believe me I really want to.

(Just incase anyone is wondering! DH is being a delight. But he is not an envious man, his frustration manifests much more calmly and logically, whilst I just want to explode.

Please give me advice on how to get through the god knows how many pictures of Scans, prams and babygrows I'm going to get, whilst I am being told on a loop how hard it is to put on a boot at seven months pregnant, and how lucky teetotal me is that she can have a coctail when no one else in the group can drink.

I love these women. They are beautiful and brave and strong and courageous and intelligent all rolled into one. So any advice on how I can give them the love and support they truly deserve would be gratefully received

Cheers

Casschops Sat 01-Apr-17 01:07:35

Been there OP and it's the hardest thing in the world, you are happy but at the same time aching as to why it isn't you, then you think that you are being irrational and the whole thing starts again like some awful roller coaster. I got through it by having plans such as working on the house or going on holiday.I tried to see it all as preparation for being a parent. I also have myself a break from pregnant friends and family and hung out with my friends who didn't have kids. I feel so strongly that it is important to see yourself not just as a baby making machine but see that there are other ways to define yourself as a woman such as by your job or your hobbies life is quit good without kids too. In all honesty we have now become parents through adoption and a gig that is hard too it beats the month to month heartache. Importantly but VERY hard is keep your heart soft and open don't let. I have my faith but give yourself some headspace. My heart goes out to you and I do hope you receive what your heart desiresflowers. Xx

MrsTwix Sat 01-Apr-17 02:01:35

Been there done that. I know it's not the done thing to give hugs on here but I think you need one. (Hug).

It's crap. It's a complete fucking nightmare to be congratulatory to them while it hurts inside.

What I can tell you is that I love everyone of those babies and somehow the pain of them being pregnant without trying when I wasn't eased when I cuddled them.

Meanwhile enjoy the cocktails and keep busy if you can. You could change GP maybe?

Is there anyone you can talk to about it IRL?

Darlink Sat 01-Apr-17 02:40:47

Yup. Accidentally pregnant .
What bullshit.
Hang in
Your turn soon x

LittleKiwi Sat 01-Apr-17 02:45:36

My heart goes out to you.

I thought I was going to struggle to get pregnant and miracle of miracles I didn't, but friends of mine did. I had been open about my worries/ problems and when they had miscarriages or just couldn't fall pregnant they were open too. Sometimes they politely excused themselves from events they would find too difficult and explained why - I was very sympathetic and while I couldn't understand exactly I tried to be a good friend by listening and allowing them to do whatever made it easiest for them. Because I knew of their problems, I could also be sensitive in what I said to them and how I acted around them.

So I can only echo Cass and say let your heart be soft - don't feel obliged to smile and put a brave face on it. Your heartbreak is real and awful and you need your friends. Best of luck.

flowers

feckingmarvellous Sat 01-Apr-17 02:50:54

Been there. Sending hugs and dartboards. It's OK to feel everything that you are feeling.

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