Ok, so will try and keep it brief,
So the background
A woman and her family moved into our street a couple of years back and have since then, become very good family friends. Our DHs get on well, kids in same school, help each other with childcare etc.
End of last year, DF had an affair, her DH knows since the new year and they have been trying to save their marriage. She is unsure she wants to stay in her marriage but her DH loves her and they are trying to fix things (she has told me this week she is still unhappy to I’m guessing the marriage will end). The OM is out of the picture now, from what she says.
DF claims that the stress of her unhappy marriage and the resulting affair have caused her to have a nervous breakdown. She is on anti-depressants. I have spent many an hour listening to her being upset with her life in general and do regard her as a good friend, who needs people to lean on.
And my problem –
My DH has his own business very close to our homes. I work from home quite a bit. Over the last couple of weeks, whenever I’ve popped in to see DH when on a lunch break etc, she has been there. I have even offered to drop her home when I leave and she has said, she’ll hang back for a bit. It sounds ridiculous, but my DH even has her preferred brand of beverage there for when she visits, but not mine!
I spoke to DH about it last week as I feel its crossing a line and am very uncomfortable about it. DH reassures me there is nothing to worry about. He then started to tell me about how she’s just going through a mental rough patch and how she’d msgd him the other morning that she was struggling to get out of bed!
Everytime I pop in to visit, which is max twice a week and only for 10mins at a time, he makes out he is really busy and doesn’t really speak to me but just gets on with his work. So how can she always be there if he is ignoring her in the same way? So can only assume, when she’s there, he has time for her?
I get that she is having a hard time at the moment. I also understand she needs support and friends. It may be that she is just using him as an emotional crutch like shes used me the last few months. But . . . . I still feel that they are crossing a line and I am unhappy about it. To know they are spending so much time together (& that’s just the ones I know about) and now to know that they are PMing each other rather than the group chat with the 2 wives and 2 husbands on it, doesn’t sit well with me . . .
I love my DH and do trust him, but still feel very uncomfortable about the whole situation. DH and I have since fallen out since the start of this week because of this and are barely on speaking terms.
Im sure his reason would be I haven’t done anything wrong, I’m just supporting DF and DW is blowing it into something bigger.
But AIBU to feel this way? What do I do?
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AIBU?
to feel uncomfortable with what's going on?
12 replies
Girlonatubetrain · 31/03/2017 13:33
OP posts:
SpongeBobJudgeyPants ·
31/03/2017 13:45
I wouldn't be happy either. Too much experience of this sort of thing not ending well in my larger social circle. Not sure what I would do. Ultimatums only work if you are prepared to carry them through IMHO. Sorry Girl 
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