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AIBU to ask this of someone I haven't spoken to for years?

(9 Posts)
user1490950440 Fri 31-Mar-17 10:12:08

NC and have not given specific details for this as it is potentially quite outing.

I'm currently in my 20's and before I was born one of my grandparents remarried after the death of their partner. I grew up seeing their 'new' partner as a grandparent.

After the death of my biological grandparent (when I was in my early teens), their 'new' partner made it clear that they didn't want to be in my life anymore - this was very upsetting for me and I couldn't understand why this person didn't love me/wanted to abandon me. Not only did this person cut contact with my family immediately after the death of my grandparent, they also made things really difficult for us, meaning we were not able to attend the funeral or access any family objects with sentimental value (eg. photos).

I have recently seen that this person is selling the house which they lived in throughout my childhood. I only found this out as I had a sudden urge to search their address, which showed the property listing.
Would it be unreasonable to email them asking whether they would be willing to share any photos they might have found throughout the sale process?

I'm worried emailing them will only end badly (and also have no idea how I would even write such an email), however I would also love to see some photos of my grandparent which I'm sure this person has.

I should add that my parents always tried to shelter me from this behaviour, however I have come to know most of the story as I have gotten older.

dowhatnow Fri 31-Mar-17 10:15:44

You can't be rejected anymore than you have already been so as long as you expect a sod off, then it can't hurt to ask them can it? Just expect the worst and hope for the best.
good luck.

FauxFox Fri 31-Mar-17 10:16:01

It's worth a try - good luck!

Oldraver Fri 31-Mar-17 10:17:47

I would. The week before my Grandma died she showed me photos of myself I had never seen. My parents divorced when I was 5, my Mum left with nothing at all so we had no photos from when younger

I hadn't seen my father for 20 odd years and he ignored me at the funeral. I regret not asking for the photos

Rainydayspending Fri 31-Mar-17 10:18:32

If you can do it without hope for a positive outcome then do it. But be very prepared for the possibility that they have ditched the photos (or that they don't own it after all).
Just be very polite and distant:
Hello, wonder if you can help. I am searching for photos of (grandparent) my relative. I would be very grateful if I could take copies you might have. I would of course be prepared to fund the process of having copies made.
Don't get drawn in to anything of the history/ why. Focus on what you want.

KC225 Fri 31-Mar-17 10:25:09

20 years is a long time and maybe they have mellowed and maybe they have not. Either way, you will never know unless you contact them. Photographs are hugely personal and come with lots of sentiment but have little monetary value. Contact them - as you are emailing, it enables a bit of distance.

Good luck OP let us know how you get on

user1490950440 Fri 31-Mar-17 10:27:46

Sorry, just to be clear, it hasn't been 20 years. I am currently in my early 20s and this happened when I was a teen.

Sunnyshores Fri 31-Mar-17 10:39:38

I think youd always regret not asking. Its certianly not rude to ask, so yes go ahead.

GreenPeppers Fri 31-Mar-17 10:52:18

Yep go ahead.
Be ready that you might have a NO as an answer (and some nasty things throw in the middle)
BUT It clearly means a lot to you and it certainly worth trying. Feelings might not be running so high now than they were at the time of the death of your grand parent.

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