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... to wonder if it might be my fault?

(5 Posts)
boddtm Thu 30-Mar-17 21:49:17

I'll be as brief as possible.
DD1 has Aspergers, we had coped pretty badly with this as a family and got very little support, but are getting on somewhat of an even keel. She's now 14 and is turning into a lovely young woman with big dreams.
Her sister however is suffering with extreme anxiety and I can't help but think I may not have paid enough attention to her whilst we were going through DD1s diagnosis procedure a few years ago and wonder whether I should have sought more help earlier- we did have a few sessions with CAHMS a few years ago but she got stressed by missing school and opted to work on distraction techniques at home. She cries a LOT for a child her age (She's in her last year of primary school at the moment) and although she's doing extremely well in class, we've been told this past few weeks she's crying almost every day in school. Her anxiety spikes on all the standard stuff for a kid her age (SATS high school places and friends) but also includes things like thinking someone will kidnap her, one of her family will get ill, someone will come in her room, poor people don't have enough to eat..
Am I being unreasonable to feel like I've failed her by not making her see the CAHMS sessions through at the time. I feel awful that this may be the case.

QuiteLikely5 Thu 30-Mar-17 21:58:09

Do you suffer with anxiety? Or someone else in the household?

It's unusual for a young child to be so anxious without the thoughts coming from somewhere external

Has there been a stressful event recently

boddtm Thu 30-Mar-17 22:03:30

No stressful event and no one in the family suffers with anxiety. My gran suffered with anxiety but she sadly died before DD was born.

cushiemoy Thu 30-Mar-17 22:27:49

It is not your fault but you are not alone. Our dd1 (15) has ASD and DD2 (13) is suffering from increasing anxiety. She has gone from a fairly sociable, sporty kid at primary school to withdrawn and worried high school kid who spends all her spare time watching Netflix and never leaves the house apart from organised activities.

DD2 has had to cope with so much in the last few years, and like you we did not manage DD1s ASD well at first. Ironically DD1 is now doing really well and coping better than we could ever have expected. I find myself wondering if DD2 has ASD as well although she is completely different to her sister. Whenever I've mentioned it to anyone in the past they have assured me that her other activities will help develop confidence etc but I wonder if it's the reverse, as others become more confident and relaxed it's just more obvious that she's different/struggling?

Sorry I don't have any answers but your post really hit home. It may just be the environment, I know I find DD1 stressful so I imagine that could be very difficult for a younger sibling to cope with.

boddtm Thu 30-Mar-17 23:00:38

@cushimoy thanks for posting and so sorry you're going through this too. I too wondered if DD2 was on the spectrum but people seem to think she's 'just a born worrier' - a phrase I'm not keen on. Sending hugs to you and hope in time it gets better.

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