Child maintenance

[Coulditbeme]

Hi, I am constantly told by my ex dp that I am being unreasonable so am interested to hear the honest opinions of ladies on here.
We are separated and have a child aged 2.
She lives with me and he has contact - one full weekend a fortnight and one midweek sleepover on alternate weeks.

The issue is how much he should be paying me in maintenance.

The CSA calculator said £56 a week.

I suggested £50 a week.

He thinks that both are ridiculously high and at first just wanted to go halves on everything that needs to be bought for her.

I said it won't work like that and would rather a regular weekly amount.

He suggested £20 a week.

Am I being unreasonable?

[Wishiwasmoiradingle2017]

Suggest you stick to the official amount.
£56.
He is a chancer. .

[SookiesSocks]

YANBU

[2410ang]

Err no you are not! Does he forget that she needs a home, feeding, clothing etc. Is he planning on paying half of all your bills?!

[Wando1986]

Tell him it's £56 if he argues or £50 if he wants to take the offer. The alternative is give him equal contact so he shares all costs equally?

[ThePiglet59]

How is £20 a week half of what she needs?
Does he think that you can raise a child for £40 a week?
Is he insane?

[m0therofdragons]

Give him a breakdown of going halves - her part of rent/mortgage heating, water, TV licence, council tax, food, clothes etc and I'm sure it'll be more than £50 a week! Ffs he's being a shit. (Not aimed at you op I just hate parents who think the occasional sleep over matches the full time care the rest of the time).

[Willyoujustbequiet]

Yanbu

The CSA figure is the bare legal minimum. It goes nowhere near the actual cost of raising a child if the NRP is on a lower salary.

You wouldn't be going halves as your dc lives with you and you feed her and put a roof over her head.

Do not back down

[ohidoliketobebesidethecoast]

What an arse ! I'd tell him to pay up or you'll refer him to the CSA, and apply to have it taken out of his pay or benefits (not an expert, but think they can do that?)

[Carolinesbeanies]

The CMS calculator is based on his income and circumstances only. Nothing to do with actual costs of a child.

If youve entered his correct income and circumstances correctly, then thats the amount. Its not a question of reasonable or not. The 'reasonable' bit has already been decided by the CMS, if he disagrees, hes plenty of opportunity to take it up with them.

[Justanothernameonthepage]

Well taking the average cost of raising a child, that would be £210 a week. But you could offer to be generous and agree to half that....

[EffinElle]

Yanbu

[Underthemoonlight]

I get 35quid a week it's doesn't go very far let alone 20quid. I would go through cm.

[QuiteLikely5]

Give him an example of her costs

Clothes
Shoes
Food
Nappies
Outings
Toiletries
As she is with you 25 days per month include some rent and utilities.

Include that you can't work because of childcare or if you do work include your childcare costs

Then ask him for half

[Coulditbeme]

I do workfull time. I get help with her childcare costs through universal credit.
£20 a week would pretty much cover the remainder of the childcare and nothing else.

[Allthebestnamesareused]

Just go through the CMS asap as he is already being a dick and I can't see how he is going to suddenly agree!

[JaniceBattersby]

£56 per week and nothing less. What a bellend.

[megletthesecond]

Yanbu. She needs a roof over her head, heating, water, food, travel etc. That's more than twenty quid a week.

[Coulditbeme]

I suggested less than the amount shown on the CSA calculator to do him a favour!
This is the thanks I get.
Now I am "threatening him" and being a money grabber.

I'd have gone with the CSA from the start if I just wanted as much as I could get but oh no, try to be decent and this is the thanks you get!

He just does not get it.

[WatchingFromTheWings]

You've made an offer and he's still not happy. TBH I'd just ask CSA to deal with it.

[Coulditbeme]

He's not happy. Calling me names and complaining about the unfairness of it all.

Makes me wonder if I really am as horrible as he thinks I am.

This is why I wanted some other opinions.

Thanks x

[whatsfair]

Hes a dickhead - get some practice in not caring what he thinks or says, and if he sends you abusive text messages then tell him you'll have to reduce contact to essential communications only via email so he can't harass you via your phone.

I'll say it again - dick!

[RainbowsAndUnicorn]

It should cover childcare (not covered elsewhere) food and clothes.

Rent and bills both parents have so not child related.

£200 from him plus the same from you is easily enough to cover a child's costs unless childcare is horrendous.

[ShowMePotatoSalad]

You don't need to suggest £50 a week. You don't need to placate him or try to keep him happy. He needs to fulfill his obligations. Get CMS to chase the statutory payment. YANBU.

[donners312]

Please can you tell me how you are raising your child on £448 a month?

Seriously is he fucking joking? Just another pathetic dead beat scumbag twat!!

[ForTheSakeOfFuck]

If he pays £20, for three meals a day, seven days a week, that's 95p per meal. That's before any other expense whatsoever - clothing, heating, nappies, shoes, sundries, medicine, petrol, childcare, etc. Tell him if he wants to prove that's enough, he can live on that for a month to show you how it's done.

He's a joke. Go the CSA route and be done with it.