Urgh I don't want to go to this wedding

[pinkskyatnight]

Our friends are getting married this Sunday. They are old friends we met them 14 years ago. They moved 6 years ago and we haven't seen the since but keep in touch.

We knew they were getting married as we saw the countdown to the wedding on Facebook. Assumed we weren't invited as we obviously aren't that close anymore. So bought them a card and voucher to send off today.

We were invited to joint stag & hen do but declined because it was a boozey week in Spain and really not our cup of tea.

Yesterday I found out that we have in fact been invited to the wedding. The invitation was sent to our old address by mistake. They do have our new address as we received a card at Xmas.
Obviously we didn't RSVP as we didn't get a invite.

The bride has been in contact yesterday re parking arrangements for their big day. I replied to her that I was confused as we have not been invited.

Despite us not RSVPing they have paid for our meal and are "expecting us to be their" and they will be "disappointed if we don't show up"

I have explained that my husband will be working on Sunday and that it's very short notice. Plus a 2-2.5 hour drive away.

I should of said no we couldn't make it but instead I said I would see what I could do, as she was getting quite upset that we were not going to be there.

I had absolutely no intention of going but told DH late last night what had happened and assumed he would say no way. He doesn't want to go but he thinks we should if we can so is trying to get Sunday off, but won't know until tomorrow.

I bloody well should of kept my mouth closed.
If he can get the day off I'm going to have to arrange child care (it's a child free wedding apart from the bride & grooms children) Dog care and I will have to go into town and get a outfit for myself as I have nothing. Literally nothing apart from jeans (that are bursting at them seems as I have gained weight)

Oh FFS please tell me I am not being unreasonable for not wanting to go.

[Hoppinggreen]

I wouldn't go
Why did the bride assume you were going when you hadn't rsvp'd?
Nope, I would just send a card saying that due to the address mix up it's too short notice for your DH to get the day off work and for you to organise child care

[Emily7708]

I don't believe for one minute that she sent an invitation to your old address. More likely she has had lots of last minute drop outs and is trying to guilt trip you into filling a couple of seats. I wouldn't go.

[Bantanddec]

What Emily said. There's no way shed have paid for meals without an rsvp!!

[redexpat]

What emily said. Use hoppings response.

Its rare that a thread is cracked by the first 2 replies.

[Mulberry72]

Emily has it spot on!

I wouldn't be going.

[ThePiglet59]

It sounds like too much bother for people that you are unlikely to see much of in the future.

[mumofthemonsters808]

I agree with Emily too, I wouldn't be going.

[Sonders]

They didn't pay for 'your' meals they paid for 2 meals for 2 of their guests. You never confirmed you'd be guests so there's no reason to feel any guilt :)

[JustMyLuckUnfortubately]

I also agree with Emily. Sounds like too far away to have given you an evening invite & they now have availability.

When people don't RSVP by the deadline the norm is to contact them to check they got the invite & then accept their response verbally. We had a couple of non-responses when we got married and when we chased them they had forgotten to reply, it had went missing or they had presumed we knew they wouldn't attend.

I would wish them a happy day & explain your husband cannot get off work/arrange childcare at such short notice.

If you still all consider each other friends perhaps arrange to visit or meet halfway later in the year

[greenlipstick]

And even if it is the truth, wouldn't have got in touch when you didn't RSVP?

Just say no!

[fiveohclockandallswell]

You haven't seen them for 6 years and you are being (rudely) ordered to their wedding? Pfff.

YADNBU and you have not obligation to go. I don't believe the address confusion either.

[RuggerHug]

Another one saying Emily has it in one! I wouldn't go.

[VivienneWestwoodsKnickers]

Don't go! I'm getting married in August and I'd be mortified if I found that anyone I invited was coming under a sense of obligation.

Is an invite, it a command.

Why the couple didn't check you were coming before their final payments is beyond me.

[stephenisjustcoming]

For once the child-free wedding is your get out of jail free card - it's unfortunately too short notice to arrange a sitter. Perfectly reasonable to have family commitments at the weekend which can't be cancelled!

[Apairofsparklingeyes]

I would tell the bride that you have no childcare or dog sitter so unless kids and dog can come you won't be able to be there. Sometimes children give you the perfect excuse to get out of things!

YANBU

[Hissy]

Someone else has dropped out.

don't go, it's way too much inconvenience for people you really aren't close to

[TheCraicDealer]

Nah, I wouldn't be going. If they've paid for meals without checking who was actually attending then that's their lookout. Too much running about and hassle for you when a phone call from them weeks ago would've sorted it out.

I dunno if they are shoring up numbers though- who would think it was worth giving headspace to contacting other people who "might" go at short notice when you've got loads else to be worrying about?

[EssentialHummus]

Nope, don't go. And what emily said.

[JonesyAndTheSalad]

Oooh Emily's right! You havent even seen them op...dont bother!

[dwpanxt]

Dont go.
Send the card as planned and wish them well but sadly its impossible to do at short notice.

Instead of driving 2.5 hours each way , arranging a hotel for the night and paying for new clothes and drinks etc why not buy yourselves something with the money 'saved'

If DH manages to get time off spend it together rather than splashing all that cash on people you arent even close to.

I would guess thats at the very least £200 for your family to have a lovely time doing something really special next weekend

[eddielizzard]

no. don't go.

[weatherbomb]

another vote for No - dont go. They shouldn't be trying to bully you into it. It's short notice & causes you massive disruption. YANBU

[sonyaya]

If someone doesn't RSVP you chase them, not put them down as a yes and pay for their meal. She's using you to fill spots as someone else has dropped out. This might be fine if she were honest about it but as it is I'd tell her to go fuck herself.

[pinkskyatnight]

It had totally crossed my mind that a few others had dropped out.

I had to chase up a few RSVPs for our wedding and surely that's the norm before paying.

We had a couple of spare meals going at ours thinking about it as 2 family members wouldn't commit as they were traveling we book and paid just incase.

DH thinks I'm being unreasonable as they came to ours and I always see the bad in people.

They did come to ours but they lived here at the time. It does seem more of a demand rather than "it would be great to see you"