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WIBU to drug my husband???

(79 Posts)
P1nkSparkles Thu 30-Mar-17 08:42:17

Ok I know it's an OTT title, but I'm a woman on the edge due to lack of sleep here...

Husband has hayfever & has always had ridiculous explosive sneezing bouts. Historically this has occasionally been a minor irritation but not too much of an issue.

But now we have a 5 month old baby who absolutely loses it whenever he has one of these bouts - I mean complete meltdown, screaming, hyperventilating, won't go anywhere near him loses it.

Again - I can cope with this, with the exception of at night... he's waking her up - she's hysterical and then he curls up and goes back to sleep while I'm left with a mess of a kid to soothe & I'm getting maybe 3hrs (total and broken) sleep a night.

I totally get it's involuntary & he can't help it, but I've asked him to pick up some anti-histamines incase they help. He's just point blank said they don't. I know for him they don't totally solve the problem - but I really want him to try them just to see if it takes the edge off a bit...

AIBU here?? He does have a hatred of medication and would rather lie in bed feeling sorry for himself than take a paracetamol, but I feel like I need him to suck it up this time. If the antihistamines don't work then fine.... but I kind of feel like he can see how much this is affecting me and I resent his reluctance to at least try them.

DancingLedge Thu 30-Mar-17 08:47:52

Spare room?

Okay he can't help it, but why the the hell is he choosing to disrupt the sleep of you and your baby?

OctoberMarch Thu 30-Mar-17 08:49:57


I don't see the harm in him trying them for yours and your DD sake.

I hope your nights get better soon. Sleep deprivation is the worst.

HairsprayBabe Thu 30-Mar-17 08:50:56

Sneek them into his food, like you would with pet worming tablets HIBVVU to not medicate himself when there is a simple solution. Especially if he knows it is disturbing you and the baby.

Universitychallenging Thu 30-Mar-17 08:52:52

He needs to take the antihistamines !

Universitychallenging Thu 30-Mar-17 08:54:23

He should go to the gp and get proper advice though, not just pick some up from the chemist. There are various types and the gp may be able to point him to one type that will work better than others and then he can buy them if they're available over the counter after that.

The ones I take are prescription only.

NoParticularPattern Thu 30-Mar-17 08:54:49

Oh good grief. Antihistamines don't really help me when I'm bad (I'm just about allergic to fresh air from March-November hmm) but they definitely take the edge off and stop me wanting to kill everyone. Tell him to get some antihistamines and a nasal spray (Pirinase is the best) and think about his actions whilst he's there.

YADNBU- I have a very explosive sneeze but I can control it if the need should arise. It may not be as satisfying, but then again neither is having no eyeballs because you've gouged them out after the 4 millionth time he's the woken the baby. He needs to at least TRY

PurpleDaisies Thu 30-Mar-17 08:55:55

Sneak them into his food, like you would with pet worming tablets

Don't drug him against his knowledge. That would be an absolutely awful thing to do-a complete violation of his right to choose what he puts into his body.

I can see why you're annoyed and I agree he should try them. Why don't you buy some and get them out before bedtime. He could at least agree to give them a go for a week. If he won't, is there somewhere he could sleep that wouldn't wake the baby? Maybe downstairs on the sofa?

Blackbird82 Thu 30-Mar-17 08:57:11

Surely an antihistamine would solve this problem? Can they be ineffective or is he just making excuses?

My husband does really loud sneezes and it riles me beyond belief! However he only sneezes a normal amount. I couldn't cope if he was having explosive episodes, I'd have kicked him out of the room long ago.

He's being very selfish.

MrsKoala Thu 30-Mar-17 08:58:39

I have similar with DH. But it's snoring. He isn't even registered with a gp despite me continually getting the registration forms for him and filling them out - he wont sign them. So we don't sleep together. He knows that till he sorts it this wont change. He doesn't care tho, he thinks I'm being mean. His snoring wakes the children and me.

HairsprayBabe Thu 30-Mar-17 08:58:42

Purple It was pretty clear that was a joke hmm you really have no sense of humor at all....

NerrSnerr Thu 30-Mar-17 08:58:48

Antihistamines makes me really drowsy and make driving dangerous. I cannot drive when taking them. What if that happened to him and he caused an accident after you drugged him?

He's might be being an arse for not trying to sort this but two wrongs don't make a right. You cannot drug someone covertly.

PurpleDaisies Thu 30-Mar-17 08:59:34

It wasn't clear it was a joke hairspray. You forget that tone gets lost when you type.

justmatureenough2bdad Thu 30-Mar-17 09:01:08

you absolutely cannot force/coerce/secretly administer a drug to someone. that's a ridiculous idea. he doesn't have to justify why he is uncomfortable self-administering in the same way that women are not obliged to do so if they don't want to take the contraceptive pill...

what you can do is talk about alternative solutions such as sleeping elsewhere, assessing the root-cause of night-time histamine reactions or (jointly) have a go at trying to normalise the scenario with your child to mitigate the extreme reaction (because it does seem an unusually excessive response to sneezing)

PaperdollCartoon Thu 30-Mar-17 09:01:23

Tell him to go to the doctor and take whatever they give him. I have a tree pollen allergy and the only thing that helps is super prescription antihistamines coupled with a nasal spray that needs to be used often to get a a build up. Even if he doesn't think it will work he should be willing to try everything.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys Thu 30-Mar-17 09:02:07

When did he last try anti histamines?
The newer ones are much better than old drowsy type.

My husband is an explosive sneezer and would definitely frighten any baby!

HairsprayBabe Thu 30-Mar-17 09:03:11

I don't think any sensible person would assume I was serious... and you never ever seem to be able to pick up on my tone, as you frequently piss all over my posts, so perhaps learn recognise the poster before thinking I am some sort of irresponsible maniac...

If antihistamines don't work you could always try chloroform OP

P.S Purple That was a joke...

Gallavich Thu 30-Mar-17 09:03:41

You can't drug him without his permission but you can tell him he needs to sleep far away from you and the baby while he's afflicted. That's obvious surely?

BumWad Thu 30-Mar-17 09:03:45

He needs a nasal steroid spray

PurpleDaisies Thu 30-Mar-17 09:05:33

hairspray it's a massive site. I don't even recognise your name. I don't know why on earth you would think I had some sort if personal vendetta against you.

I would have taken issue with anyone who had written your post. Seriously, read it back. Where are the cues that you are joking?

MycatsaPirate Thu 30-Mar-17 09:07:43

I second going to the GP. Dp has horrendous hayfever and the GP prescribed anti-histamines you can't buy over the counter and they work!! He also has a nasal spray which helps.

He's being very selfish for refusing to take medication which is now impacting on your sleep,

Rescuepuppydaft2 Thu 30-Mar-17 09:08:39

Op your dh needs to see his g.p, I am on high doses of an anti allergy medication as hayfever and other allergies badly affect my breathing. Over the counter medication didn't work for me, but seeing the g.p and having the high dose anti allergy meds has been life changing for me! In hayfever season I sometimes have to double my normal dose and take piriton. I would have zero sympathy with your dh, he is refusing to seek treatment! I would tell him if he doesn't try to help himself he can either sleep on the sofa or at his Mothers!

My brother is like your dh and it drives me crazy, despite knowing that stronger antihistamines are available he refuses to ask his g.p for them! Despite having severe allergies! He is a bloody martyr! His eyes swell so badly that he cannot see out of them and piriton does not touch it, yet he still refuses to ask for stronger meds. For that reason he gets none of my sympathy either!

P1nkSparkles Thu 30-Mar-17 09:08:45

Ok I was actually joking about drugging him confused

I'm glad that the general consensus seems to be (so far) that asking him to try them is not unreasonable. I wasn't sure if I was just being grumpy and sleep-deprived.

In our naive pre-parenting state we always said that for the sake of our marriage we would always go to the same bed - even if we didn't end up staying in it all night, so it would be quite a big thing for me to ask him to sleep in another room. But then maybe actually that's what he needs to make him realise the impact this is having.

I'm thinking I might pop to our local friendly chemist and get some advice/medication & if he refuses to take it then he has to go in the spare room - but try to find a way to word it that's not about punishing him, but about protecting my own sanity...

He needs to see GP anyway about another health issue he has been steadfastly ignoring - but I might try and persuade him to make an appointment (although our appointments are running about a month in advance - so we need a short term solution)

MDFalco Thu 30-Mar-17 09:08:49

If he's that bad, he needs to consider desensitisation treatment. It can really help.

Additionally, something specific in his environment may be making it worse. When I was a student I lived in rental accommodation with a duck down comforter. It exacerbated my hay fever to a new level, and I didn't even think of it for several months as my parents had always automatically kept any sort of down away from me, and it took a while for me to realise.

HairsprayBabe Thu 30-Mar-17 09:09:15

Whatever Purple you just do it to me a lot...

I thought the likening her husband to a pet was pretty funny on it's own, and I LOATHE to put "Lighthearted" on anything, which I am pretty sure the OP's original suggestion of "Drugging my DH" was in the first place hmm

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