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to think my office pot plant is openly mocking me?

(24 Posts)
Morphene Wed 29-Mar-17 17:14:37

I am trying to have important, grown up, serious discussions, and it has gratuitously grown a penis.

I thought the whole point of small cactus like plants in pretty pots was that they just sit on your desk, not dying, even if you forget about them for weeks on end. But apparently their actual plan is to surreptitiously send up a penis which you won't notice till half way through a meeting, and then won't really be able to look away from.

Don't tell me it's some kind of flowering body, because it is definitely a penis. It has been drooping slowly over the last hours and now I have to decide whether to risk a post watering erection or not.

JennyOnAPlate Wed 29-Mar-17 17:16:53

I think we need a photo op

OhtoblazeswithElvira Wed 29-Mar-17 17:16:58

grin Thanks OP that made me laugh.

We are considering getting a plant in the office. Could we see a picture of your Saucy Cactus for erm research purposes?


LordRothermereBlackshirtCunt Wed 29-Mar-17 17:17:42

I don't know what to say, OP, or whether I should grin or blush at Penis Plant.

However, I am excellent at killing pot plants, and happy to offer my services.

Morphene Wed 29-Mar-17 17:18:18

I really wish I could give you a picture, but I am totally without a device that could do that at work. I'll try typing penis cactus into google though....wish me look.

Missrubyring Wed 29-Mar-17 17:18:30

Yeah ...we're going to need a photo I'm afraid op grin

Morphene Wed 29-Mar-17 17:18:39

wish me luck...

OlennasWimple Wed 29-Mar-17 17:19:24

Dont' type that into a work computer!!!!

Morphene Wed 29-Mar-17 17:20:53


okay so it isn't a cactus....its a succulent. I am not typing in penis succulent flower into google at work.

its one of the standard Sainsburys small succulents - I mean who knew Sainsbo's sold such pornographic material?

Morphene Wed 29-Mar-17 17:33:18

So its a bit like this....but lighter green, only one penis, a shorter stem and the head is still closed making it look like...well.... a penis.

coldcanary Wed 29-Mar-17 17:36:36

I know which one you mean, DS once came back from a trip to the garden centre with a well meaning relative with one as a gift. He was 7 I think at the time.
It wouldn't die either. I tried...

CrazyCatLady13 Wed 29-Mar-17 18:50:14

It's flowering!

MimsyFluff Wed 29-Mar-17 19:08:58

My DD has a cactus it's nice she loves it so much she drew a picture and showed me whilst i was working by putting the paper over the pc screen. I burst out laughing she then looked at the picture, she noticed what it looked like and ran away crying an put said picture in the toilet. Had to​ wait ages so it wouldn't block the toilet

TwinsetBeck Wed 29-Mar-17 20:02:24

What about this cactus!

Morphene Wed 29-Mar-17 20:44:52

oh I know....there are many worse examples out there...but they weren't poking up all full of the joys of spring in my face all afternoon.

previously1474etc Thu 30-Mar-17 01:24:10

I saved this one from a watery death at a garden centre. It was small and round.

It rewarded me by growing an appendage.

hellokittymania Thu 30-Mar-17 01:29:27

Thank you, this made my day! grin

steff13 Thu 30-Mar-17 01:34:42

So, I guess you all don't call marijuana "pot?" I was very surprised reading the thread title that you were allowed to grow that type of plant at your office. shock

Here we'd say potted plant, not pot plant.

WallToWallBastards Thu 30-Mar-17 01:55:47

steff you just reminded me of the time my neighbour found some cannabis plants dumped in her garden, she phoned the police to say someone had thrown some weed in her garden and they told her to phone the council. So she told them she meant pot plants, they said council again. I was sat in the kitchen listening to her shout "No! Pot plants like pot plants, not pot plants!" repeatedly down the phone grin she was furious when she found out what the street value was though.

WallToWallBastards Thu 30-Mar-17 01:57:36

Is this what you mean OP? I just got the shock of my life when I checked my spiky children to find one was swearing at me.

Out2pasture Thu 30-Mar-17 02:05:01

Yup, another person chucking about a pot plant in your office and maintaining professionalism ;)

Morphene Thu 30-Mar-17 12:33:49

steff ooops...yes that would be a whole lower level of professionalism altogether.

I wouldn't mind so much, but I am the diversity and equality rep, and I just can't be having penile potted plants on my desk.

Happily the offending appendage has grown another inch or two over night so it looks massively less suggestive today.

Morphene Thu 30-Mar-17 12:34:15

Wall, that is awesome!

Morphene Thu 30-Mar-17 12:35:01

previously that looks very like a statue that's just been installed in the next building to mine. I don't know what they were thinking!

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