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AIBU?

to think my office pot plant is openly mocking me?

23 replies

Morphene · 29/03/2017 17:14

I am trying to have important, grown up, serious discussions, and it has gratuitously grown a penis.

I thought the whole point of small cactus like plants in pretty pots was that they just sit on your desk, not dying, even if you forget about them for weeks on end. But apparently their actual plan is to surreptitiously send up a penis which you won't notice till half way through a meeting, and then won't really be able to look away from.

Don't tell me it's some kind of flowering body, because it is definitely a penis. It has been drooping slowly over the last hours and now I have to decide whether to risk a post watering erection or not.

OP posts:
JennyOnAPlate · 29/03/2017 17:16

I think we need a photo op

OhtoblazeswithElvira · 29/03/2017 17:16

Grin Thanks OP that made me laugh.

We are considering getting a plant in the office. Could we see a picture of your Saucy Cactus for erm research purposes?

TIA

LordRothermereBlackshirtCunt · 29/03/2017 17:17

I don't know what to say, OP, or whether I should Grin or Blush at Penis Plant.

However, I am excellent at killing pot plants, and happy to offer my services.

Morphene · 29/03/2017 17:18

I really wish I could give you a picture, but I am totally without a device that could do that at work. I'll try typing penis cactus into google though....wish me look.

OP posts:
Missrubyring · 29/03/2017 17:18

Yeah ...we're going to need a photo I'm afraid op Grin

Morphene · 29/03/2017 17:18

wish me luck...

OP posts:
OlennasWimple · 29/03/2017 17:19

Dont' type that into a work computer!!!!

Morphene · 29/03/2017 17:20

Oh GOD MY EYES

okay so it isn't a cactus....its a succulent. I am not typing in penis succulent flower into google at work.

its one of the standard Sainsburys small succulents - I mean who knew Sainsbo's sold such pornographic material?

OP posts:
Morphene · 29/03/2017 17:33

So its a bit like this....but lighter green, only one penis, a shorter stem and the head is still closed making it look like...well.... a penis.

to think my office pot plant is openly mocking me?
OP posts:
coldcanary · 29/03/2017 17:36

I know which one you mean, DS once came back from a trip to the garden centre with a well meaning relative with one as a gift. He was 7 I think at the time.
It wouldn't die either. I tried...

CrazyCatLady13 · 29/03/2017 18:50

It's flowering!

MimsyFluff · 29/03/2017 19:08

My DD has a cactus it's nice she loves it so much she drew a picture and showed me whilst i was working by putting the paper over the pc screen. I burst out laughing she then looked at the picture, she noticed what it looked like and ran away crying an put said picture in the toilet. Had to​ wait ages so it wouldn't block the toilet

to think my office pot plant is openly mocking me?
TwinsetBeck · 29/03/2017 20:02

What about this cactus!

to think my office pot plant is openly mocking me?
Morphene · 29/03/2017 20:44

oh I know....there are many worse examples out there...but they weren't poking up all full of the joys of spring in my face all afternoon.

OP posts:
previously1474etc · 30/03/2017 01:24

I saved this one from a watery death at a garden centre. It was small and round.

It rewarded me by growing an appendage.

to think my office pot plant is openly mocking me?
hellokittymania · 30/03/2017 01:29

Thank you, this made my day! Grin

steff13 · 30/03/2017 01:34

So, I guess you all don't call marijuana "pot?" I was very surprised reading the thread title that you were allowed to grow that type of plant at your office. Shock

Here we'd say potted plant, not pot plant.

WallToWallBastards · 30/03/2017 01:55

steff you just reminded me of the time my neighbour found some cannabis plants dumped in her garden, she phoned the police to say someone had thrown some weed in her garden and they told her to phone the council. So she told them she meant pot plants, they said council again. I was sat in the kitchen listening to her shout "No! Pot plants like pot plants, not pot plants!" repeatedly down the phone Grin she was furious when she found out what the street value was though.

WallToWallBastards · 30/03/2017 01:57

Is this what you mean OP? I just got the shock of my life when I checked my spiky children to find one was swearing at me.

to think my office pot plant is openly mocking me?
Out2pasture · 30/03/2017 02:05

Yup, another person chucking about a pot plant in your office and maintaining professionalism ;)

Morphene · 30/03/2017 12:33

steff ooops...yes that would be a whole lower level of professionalism altogether.

I wouldn't mind so much, but I am the diversity and equality rep, and I just can't be having penile potted plants on my desk.

Happily the offending appendage has grown another inch or two over night so it looks massively less suggestive today.

OP posts:
Morphene · 30/03/2017 12:34

Wall, that is awesome!

OP posts:

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Morphene · 30/03/2017 12:35

previously that looks very like a statue that's just been installed in the next building to mine. I don't know what they were thinking!

OP posts:
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