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For mil to turn up when she says

(14 Posts)
gahhhhhhhh Wed 29-Mar-17 09:33:29

Mil is lovely. Mil is very helpful. Mil has asked to take dc today and so I've arranged a work meeting the other side of town (I'm de, wahp). Mil agreed with me to collect dc at 9:30am. Told mil I have meeting across town at 11am.

Mil has just phoned me as she's "just nipping to the shops" and will be with me "ooh probably 10:15... latest will be 10:45. Oh don't worry. You'll be able to leave the house for your meeting at 11"

DH has the car today and I now have to shell out for a taxi to hopefully get me there on time.

Sob I want to be cross but she's doing me a favour. 😫

CaseyAtTheBat Wed 29-Mar-17 09:36:18

So why didn't you just tell her on the phone that she agreed to 9.30 and 10.45 is over an hour late and of no use to you?

tigermoll Wed 29-Mar-17 09:38:52

What did you say to her when she called to tell you? Did you tell her that you would need to leave at 9.30 to your meeting?

tigermoll Wed 29-Mar-17 09:39:39

But no, YANBU to want her to come at the time she agreed -- it drives me crazy when people do this

gahhhhhhh Wed 29-Mar-17 09:54:12

I did reiterate that I'd made plans that required me to be there at 11, not leave the house at 11 but she just declared "oh no! It'll be fine you'll be there in time" and put the phone down. She doesn't drive so I think she thinks it's easier to get across town than it is in actuality.

Thankfully I've spoken to my client (who is also a friend) and explained I may be a touch late. Serves me right for planning it though.

Just a disclaimer she was already taking dc and I then decided to use the time for work stuff. It wasn't specifically organised for the meeting, if that makes sense?

CaseyAtTheBat Wed 29-Mar-17 09:56:19

When she arrives you need to be very clear that you are now very late, and how long it takes you to get there. She's taking the piss but you're letting her do it.

sooperdooper Wed 29-Mar-17 09:58:31

How bloody annoying but you need to tell her when she does turn up (so she can't put the phone down!) tell her again that you needed to be there at 11 - don't tell her the client is a friend and was ok about it, that's irrelevant, it wasn't essential for her to go to the shops first!

gahhhhhhh Wed 29-Mar-17 09:59:41

@CaseyAtTheBat I think answering the door with my coat on should probably send a clear message. I'll have a word with her as well. The problem I've got (and dh is guilty of this to) as I work from home and run my own business, people seem to think the flexibility is limitless. It drives me mad when dh comes home and declares we need to do lots of things when I have a deadline or something to fulfil. He doesn't interfere but people think you can just drop everything and go "ahhhh bugger it" 🙈

xStefx Wed 29-Mar-17 10:02:16

I would have text back, Hi MIL, my bus comes at half past so could you please make it the latest 10.15 please x

Surely she would have been ok with that?

Thats not nice for her to do that though OP

FinallyHere Wed 29-Mar-17 10:23:29

My mother, who I love dearly, just cannot be 'trusted' to keep to a schedule. Pointing out that she is late sends the conversation down 'I'm sure you will get there in time, they won't mind if you are just a minute late' sort of nonsense.

I'm afraid I have learned to not include her in time critical activities. Hope you get to your meeting OK.

FinallyHere Wed 29-Mar-17 10:25:48

Oh, and if you are ever arranging meet up times, never, ever tell her the time of the meeting. Tell her only the time she needs to be here, while including some unspoken contingency.

That avoids her working round the time of your meeting, rather that the time she needs to be there.

xStefx Wed 29-Mar-17 10:33:14

Yes agree with Finallyhere, or you could always tell her every appointment that she babysits for is an hour before it really is. That way you get to have a nice coffee on your own too :-)

MrsTwix Wed 29-Mar-17 10:47:46

I agree with the lie about what time advice in future. She seems to think it takes 15 minutes to get anywhere, so I'd calculate telling her that meetings are at whatever time is 30 minutes before you need to leave to be on the safe side.

So if the meeting is at 11 and you actually need to leave at 10:15, I'd tell her your meeting is at 9:45 and could she be at yours for 9:00 . That should give her plenty of fannying about time. Then she will think she is going to come to yours at 9:30, and probably arrive at 10.

kelpeed Wed 29-Mar-17 22:27:15

it is odd, that as OP's MIL does not drive she does not have an strong appreciation of travel times.My I guess she does not use public transport but has someone on tap to chauffer her at whim?

it is just - in my own experience - people who use public transport are very devoted to time keeping due to all the missed buses/trains etc because of being one or two minutes late to the bus stop / train station.

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