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to be offended by this at work today?

(55 Posts)
Bleurghghghgh Tue 28-Mar-17 22:44:34

I generally look quite 'polished' - full makeup, hair and nails done etc. Today I decided I couldn't be arsed with the make up so I did my eyebrows and put mascara on and spent the rest of my 'makeup' time reading mumsnet and having breakfast. I arrived at work in clean clothes, hair done, just with less makeup on.

My manager (who I normally get on well with in a jokey 'banter' bleurgh kind of way) spent ALL DAY joking about me having a hangover.
I work in an office where it's not hugely frowned upon to come in hungover (almost all work drinking events are on weekdays) so as I said to him after the 5th joke at around 10AM - I would have admitted if I was. But the 'joke' continued to the point where I felt like he'd decided as soon as I arrived in the office that I was hungover and nothing would change that.

I was entirely up for the joking and gave no huge reaction as to how much it pissed me off but it did.. When I decided not to do my full face this morning I assumed it wouldn't be a big deal, but it was in an entirely different way than I'd considered.

My question (other than AIBU) is - should I go back to 'normal' full face tomorrow or continue my foundation boycott? I don't really want to deal with another day of 'jokes' but at the same time feel the need to prove myself with a naked face!

highinthesky Tue 28-Mar-17 22:47:14

Continue the foundation boycott. Colleagues need to know that you're serious, not an alcoholic.

BlondeBecky1983 Tue 28-Mar-17 22:47:45

If I go with minimal make up everyone thinks I'm ill, I suppose it's just a big difference so everyone assumes there must be something 'up'.

TheProblemOfSusan Tue 28-Mar-17 22:49:37

I think that is a little offensive, yes. But it happens when people are used to you looking a certain way. I'm naturally pasty and if I forget blusher I get a day of head tilts and "you look a bit pale, are you OK?", god knows what would happen if I forgot foundation.

Perhaps do make up on one half of your face tomorrow and point out the difference?

Screwinthetuna Tue 28-Mar-17 22:50:12

Wear even less ;) One day I forgot to put eye liner on and everyone was asking if I was high.

The worst is, 'you look tired' when you feel nice and NOT tired

2ndSopranos Tue 28-Mar-17 22:51:38

I'd do what you want. One day I simply couldn't be arsed to dry my hair and straighten it so it let it dry curly naturally. Oh my Lord the comments. By 11 I simply said "Yes it's natural and no I haven't straightened it today" to anyone who even looked like they might say something.

Bleurghghghgh Tue 28-Mar-17 23:03:07

Right. "Hungover" face it is then. I might go in actually hungover with 'out out' makeup on to hammer it home even further

Goldfishjane Tue 28-Mar-17 23:12:57

I think that's very rude
For all he knows, you could have had an upset of some sort rather than be hungover and that could apply to anyone he could be teasing about a hangover.
Also I think it's awful that people comment on personal appearance at work generally
I'd go with less makeup in future. I also think he's sexist saying that.

HappyFlappy Tue 28-Mar-17 23:15:13

A girl I used to work with always wore full slap unless she fancied a day off. She would then come in with no make-up (and because we were used to seeing her in her glory, everyone would think she was ill because she was pale and her eyes looked like wee-holes in the snow, and her mouth looked like her lips were about to crack with dryness etc) and would be off the following day and everyone would say "She looked really poorly yesterday."

She was quite brazen about it with me because we were mates and used to try to get me to pull the same stunt (I didn't). It did used to irritate me though, because I used to have to pick up a lot of her work.

5OBalesofHay Tue 28-Mar-17 23:17:00

Just point out how rude it is to make personal comments. Back it with grievance if needed. It's rude and sexist.

tiptoeingpixie Tue 28-Mar-17 23:19:32

I think you should just wear as much as you want to on any given day confused

My question (other than AIBU) is - should I go back to 'normal' full face tomorrow or continue my foundation boycott?

seriously OP - do whatever you feel comfortable with never ask what you should be doing!!

Bleurghghghgh Tue 28-Mar-17 23:20:07

HappyFlappy I'm not planning on taking any sick days, though. In fact I have a week booked off next week...

Goldfish that was my thought too. I suffer quite badly frojm anxiety and part of that used to involve basically having to throw myself out the door (with no routine - that'd make me worse) at the last minute. However, we're close enough that I think he might have assumed I'd have told him if that were the case, as I have before.
I agree with it being sexist, though - not helped by the fact that the rest of the team are all male. And asked me once he'd left if I was really hungover.

WorraLiberty Tue 28-Mar-17 23:23:12

I would do exactly as you please.

He needs to learn what 'overkill' means.

Having said that, I've known a few people over the years who are partial to wearing quite a bit of make-up and when they suddenly don't, the difference can be huge and they have tended to look ill.

In the same way that sometimes if you're used to seeing someone wearing glasses, they can look quite odd without them.

My Dad for example looks like a ghost with little piggy eyes grin

tiptoeingpixie Tue 28-Mar-17 23:25:07

A girl I used to work with always wore full slap

Nice confused

If that isn't negative commenting on a person's choice of how represent themselves I don't know what is. Maybe that 'full slap' afforded her confidence that without it she wouldn't have had. Maybe that 'full slap' covered a birth mark she was embarrassed about?

Maybe that full slap just meant she felt more attractive and confident wearing make up - wind your neck in ffs

MammaTJ Tue 28-Mar-17 23:28:42

Go in with Full make up, then remove it, full on, and see what the reaction is!

That would make them see it is not lack of function but a choice!

Bleurghghghgh Tue 28-Mar-17 23:29:11

tiptoe

Thanks - I agree. I also liked the unnecessary anecdote which was only related by the use of makeup ;)

BitOutOfPractice Tue 28-Mar-17 23:30:02

It's because you looked different

Bleurghghghgh Tue 28-Mar-17 23:31:58

Worra my dad does too.
And I know that I look different without makeup on but I don't wear it at the weekends and assumed that if I went in with a bit less on nobody at work would have the balls to comment on it. Even 'are you ok, you look tired' would have bothered me less than 'YOU'RE HUNGOVER, AREN'T YOU?!' every hour, on the hour.
I think it was the implication that I was lying about not being hungover that bothered me most, if I'm honest.

Bleurghghghgh Tue 28-Mar-17 23:34:35

BitOutOfPractice So if I'd (or a male colleague) dyed my hair it'd be ok for people to accuse me of being hungover?

At one point I actually thrust my fitbt app's sleep section at him as 'proof' I wasn't hungover - as it had taken me my standard 1.5 hours to fall asleep - which I argued wouldn't have happened if I was drunk. This was met with 'what if you weren't in bed alone...?'

Admittedly a dripfeed (has only just popped into my head) but all my fault for looking different.

WorraLiberty Tue 28-Mar-17 23:35:31

Yeah he sounds like a twat who doesn't know when to stop.

Ultimately though, I wouldn't let any comments stop you from doing exactly what you want.

It's your make-up and your face and if that's all they can think to talk about, the mind boggles.

scaryclown Tue 28-Mar-17 23:37:44

My last office was the opposite - the supervisor would have us all worrying something was wrong when she came in in full make-up. Her idea of ;'doing make-up properly' was coming in like she was in a pantomime. It was actually very scary in a sort of 'manic puppet' sort of way.

We were always worried she was having a massive breakdown, and its true that sometimes she did this it was when she had fought with her boyfriend, but it was because she wanted to 'flirt' (talk loudly about sex) in the smoking area.

On reflection, she probably wasn't very OK at all...

WorraLiberty Tue 28-Mar-17 23:38:32

Having read your other update though, I'm guessing showing your Fitbit as 'proof' etc, just spurred them on to continue.

I know it's difficult not to rise to crap like that, but a simple 'Oh do piss off mate', repeated with an eye-roll would probably have meant they got bored much quicker than they did.

scaryclown Tue 28-Mar-17 23:38:41

Oh yes, sorry I forgot to agree that said guy is a nobber!
grin

Goldfishjane Tue 28-Mar-17 23:39:46

Bit, we know that!! But wtf is a work colleague doing commenting on appearance?

Op, so what if you were lying. I mean for all he knows you might have had nightmares or insomnia or whatever. I have anxiety too so I know what you mean. I've had panic attacks at 3 am and then worried about throwing up en route to work. I'm sure my boss thinks I am ill or possibly hungover sometimes but she wouldn't dream of commenting.

Bleurghghghgh Tue 28-Mar-17 23:41:33

I did go with that approach to start with, Worra, but it went nowhere! My 'proof' was batted away with "I'm only joking!" and it then continued for the afternoon.

I think it was just joking -and he played on my annoyance - but it has still pissed me off, if I'm honest. Mostly because a male coming in unshaven/with unstyled hair wouldn't have elicited the same response. Maybe once or twice but not all day

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