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How to explain to your kids that you need a break sometimes?

(11 Posts)
malificent7 Tue 28-Mar-17 22:07:19

Dd is 8 and dosnt like being babysat.. even by her much lived grandad.
I don't go out much bit im going out form my bday. Dd asks why i dont want to spend the whole day and evening with her.

The truth is that i want a break from it to be with my friends for a few evenings. ( because im finding parenting bloody hard work atm. )

How can i rephrase this?!

malificent7 Tue 28-Mar-17 22:08:17

And she is coming out for part of tge evening for the meal anyway.

Im just fed up of the guilt trips tbh!

Rainydayspending Tue 28-Mar-17 22:11:12

She has more than one friend i take it? That's one angle . That it's after her bedtime and she needs her sleep is another. That you and your friend want to talk about grown up things etc.
Be honest as well. Tell her you need to relax and this is something you have done as an adult to relax (from before she was born etc)

Rainydayspending Tue 28-Mar-17 22:13:00

Also tell her it's like Christmas. If it's every day it wouldn't be special. Time apart/ with others helps us all appreciate the ones we care about.

StripyHorse Tue 28-Mar-17 22:13:38

Does DD like spending time with her friends without you? Can you explain to her that you like to see your friends on your own and it does not mean you love her any less? Rather than say that you need a break from her perhaps (although as a parent I completely understand what you mean).

Toffeelatteplease Tue 28-Mar-17 22:16:51

Because even grown ups need time sometimes to do grown up things. Now if there is a really big reason why you can't go I need to know but otherwise you need to be fair about this.

Flumpernickel Tue 28-Mar-17 22:18:44

"Mummy is going out, love you!" There, fixed it for you OP grin

thatorchidmoment Tue 28-Mar-17 22:22:01

Did you say she is 8? My 8yo DD is definitely capable of understanding that I need some occasional 'alone' or adult time.

"I'm going out for some grown up time, like you get with your friends on a play date."

Would you consider suggesting a mum/daughter treat another time? Even going out together to choose new clothes and have a coffee would be very much appreciated by my DD, especially if no little brothers were in tow.

malificent7 Tue 28-Mar-17 22:24:03

Cool... thanks all. I made the mistake of teĺling her a week in advance. Mind you... last time i sprang it on her she still got upset.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe Tue 28-Mar-17 22:29:13

Some good advice here Op but Flumpernickel has it spot on.

You're saying "explain" but you could just as easily use "justify" or even "get permission"! DD is 8. Unless there's a massive drip feed coming there's no reason you have to explain this to her it's simply a case of (nicely) telling her what's happening.

You're going out with friends, it's not a big deal, there's no need for detailed explanations, she won't be traumatised if her mother occasionally has some adult time.

YodaBest Tue 28-Mar-17 23:49:26

Get a different babysitter. Maybe she really doesn't like her grandad. Just an idea.

Let her go places with her friends so she appreciates time away from you.

Maybe have a sleepover at her friends for that night? She may come back tired and grumpy and just like to chill out watching films on the sofa while you nurse your hangover. Get pizza in.

Maybe try and have a few of your own friends round so she sees how it is to "be with friends" . Let her have her friends around too so she looks after them at the same time (in a different room, without wine).

Maybe you'll have to take a hit this birthday, and build up her ideas about her own friendships and how important they are for her and you over a few months before you can go on a night out?

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