to ask you for some good relationship stories please?(24 Posts)
had a nasty break up with exDP who upped and left with no warning, in retrospect was probably using me for my money. My trust is completely shattered and have that floppy, hopeless break up feeling!
Unfortunately, misery loves company and since DP abandoned me, everyone seems to have come forward with their own tales of rejection, betrayal and how so-and-sos husband was sleeping with prostitutes etc etc. I've also been lurking on MNs Relationships topic, which can be quite heavy.
I know that good, healthy, loving relationships must be out there and would feel so much better with a little bit of hope.
I'd be so so grateful if anyone could tell me about their experiences of good relationships, bonus points if you managed to recover from being screwed over by someone else in the past!
For you OP
I came out of a 10 year, physically, mentally, (gaslighting) financially and sexually abusive relationship in 1999. I was completely & utterly broken.
In 2002 I met an amazing man through a mutual friend. He put me back together and we married in 2005, had our wonderful DS in 2006.
I firmly believe that there is somebody for everybody and you have to kiss a few frogs (or in my case be hospitalised by) before you find your prince
The thing is, you don't get stories of nice healthy relationships on these forums, so you will always find more negativity (if someone is happy what would they have to post about?).
My DH is brilliant. I was abused dreadfully by my ex and it took a long time to learn new reactions and that I didn't need to cower away if I said something vaguely controversial, and that I could trust DH implicitly. He has shown me how a real man treats a woman and I am happy every day. Maybe not all day every day, but I never daydream about life without him
apart from when he's snoring, then I fantasise about murder
They are out there, don't give up.
Me and DH celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary this year (can't quite believe it mind . It hasn't been easy by any means but we've got this far. He's walked out once and I tried to kick him out once but he wouldn't go.
Just remember no one is perfect and no relationship is perfect but there will be someone out there for you. Sorry for what you've gone through and good luck
In the last three years I have had a plethora of health problems, none of which are resolved.
My dh of 12 years has been incredible. Just amazing. And before the health problems he was equally wonderful.
I'd been royally fucked over by men before I met him.
I'm sorry for what you've gone through but there are wonderful men in the world.
Before dh my last relationship was a truly shit one. We lived in a single room together and he would lock me in, not let me go anywhere alone, expect me to work full time to pay rent when he worked about 12 hours a week.
I LTB and worked on my confidence, living with my mum, doing all my hobbies again and enjoying life.I met a girl a work who my grandparents knew her parents (they work together) she was lovely and as I have trouble making Friends it was awesome to have a friend, were both creative and crafty so did a few craft shows together.
Now I get a friend request from a random guy. I don't know who it is, but I accept anyway because why not. He then sends me messages saying "hey, I love your artwork, would you like to go out for a drink some time?"
I am througly weirded out. Who is this guy?!?! I literally message him back with a "hahaha thanks but no" because I don't generally go for drinks with a guy I've never met and he's nearly 10 years older than me.
I'm like what the he'll? I mention this to new friend. "Oh! He's a friend of mine! You should totally go out for a drink with him!"
I am thoroughly relieved. But I still don't say yes. We chat for a few days.
New friend says she and afew friends are going camping that weekend if I want to go? I was all up for it! Who is driving us all? Friend request. So we chat andhave a brilliant time,we really hit it off he's funny and flirty.
Time to put up the tents. New friend says "well I'm sharing with my boyfriend, m is sharing with her husband and my mum is sharing with her husband so, that just leaves friend request!! Have fun! ;) "
I'm.like. not suspicious at ALL. Alright. I had the best weekend ever.
We keep on texting and he's really keen to meet again, as am I. He says "where do you want to go?" I try and scare him off by suggesting "why don't we go climb this mountain??" Half joking half not. Waiting for a reaction.
"Sure! How about this weekend?"
Erm. Okay! Oh jesus what have I said.
Long story short and to my mum's disapproval we go to this mountain and there wasnt a single awkward silence in the car, up the mountain, in the hotel or anything. We reach the summit and it's magical. Some pretty awesome first date.
A few months later he tellsme he has arthritis in his kness and I'm.guessing the 6 hour walk was agony, but he didn't moan once
He also confided that new friend had encouraged him to send me a message "she's lovely, and single, show her your horses, she loves them, ask her for a drink!" And neglected to tell me who the heck.he was!!!! we laugh about it now.
We spent the next few months travelling around the country and exploring and now we live together with our little dog and new friend is now married and has a ds.
From there friend request has looked after me when I was diagnosed with schizophrenia, depression and anxiety, staying with me, taking me to appointments, researching how he can help, listening to my delusional waffling on at times. And I can happily say I'm doing so much better now I have a full time job and we're buy ing a house together
I am married to the most lovely man who has ever lived, not that I'm biased or anything! He is kind and lovely and generous and if I cloned him I'd be an obscenely rich woman. We have lived through some really really bad times and there are moments when I could happily throttle him but he is my comfy and (don't tell him I said this because I never say this ever) I love him.
I have had some bad relationships. Probably more psychologically abusive with one, and some where I have been a second mother!
My current relationship isn't perfect (who's is?). We have certainly drifted from being very in love, to too busy for time for each other due to DS. I would say that this is a relationship where I feel more of an equal than before though and it makes a real difference. When you meet the right person it will be there too. There is just a mutual respect and a feeling that someone is rooting for you. Because they aren't broken, they don't need to concentrate on fixing themselves, so are less selfish and want you to work as a couple, and are happy to talk things through to achieve this. They have the emotional intelligence to reflect on their behaviour, and admit when they are wrong, unreasonable, grumpy etc
Don't settle for less than that, and you'll be fine.
It took me 7 years to realise with an ex that putting up with his behaviour wasn't helping him or myself. Dumping him forced him to sort himself out and for me to reflect where I went wrong (I was awful too early on). We are both much happier now.
I met my husband when I was 17. Next year will be our 25th Wedding Anniversary, been together 31 years. I just couldn't imagine life without him, and we've just got to the stage that "similar" friends are divorcing after a similar amount of time together. I can't bear the thought of that, and even though I've always been happy it's made me re evaluate my relationship and how lucky we are. Of course there are days that he makes my blood boil, and I know I do the same to him, but, on the whole I consider myself blessed and extremely lucky.
Please don't give up hope.
My ExH, left when our kids were small - he wasn't a bad person, and in retrospect he probably did the right thing although it was never something I would have done. He didn't screw me over, but I was damaged.
I got together with late-DH a few years later, he'd been through a very difficult separation.
He was in no way perfect, and I'm certainly not. But our relationship was pretty damn close.
DH and I have been together since 2003. We have silly little rows from time to time but we are still in love with one another, he is my best friend, we have two beautiful girls and when we close the door on the world everything is good.
Sorry you've had such a bad relationship. Good ones are out there, but sometimes you just need to peek past small imperfections to see something worthwhile
DH was a smoker when we met, I always thought that would be a deal breaker for me
My DH is the most supportive, kind, gentle man you could wish to meet. He has never, in the 12 years we have been together (or the 7 years before that as friends) ever given me cause to question even for a fleeting moment his loyalty, his love, his commitment to our life together or his faith in me. I have developed some pretty serious health issues in that time, we have been through numerous redundancies and had 4DC and we are and always have been solid as a rock. We have never had to work at our relationship, its never been hard. Even when the shit was really flying around us (and good god have we had more than our fair share!) we have never faltered in our love for each other. I still get excited when he's on his way home from work. He is my rock and my safe place. I would do anything to make his life easier/happier and he would walk over hot coals for me. I am so proud to call him mine
Stark contrast to first DH - abusive, sexist, pathetic arsehole that he was!
My auntie was married to an abusive arsehole for 30+ years. She met someone lovely playing scrabble online, ditched her arsehole husband, married scrabble man and is in love for the first time in her 50's. It's lovely to see.
Oh thank you for the replies! This was lovely to come home to!
Would love to hear some more
Like many above I had some rotten relationships. My long ago ex was a sociopath and a thoroughly rotten blagger, how I put up with him I haven't a clue. I met my husband as a single mum kick arsing my way up the corporate ladder (it was amazing how much my confidence - life soared when ex was out of the picture). It's been 10 years, some up and downs, but DH is most definitely my best friend, and yep I love him to pieces. We have worked hard to make a good life as a team, a proper family.
The relationships topic can definitely make you lose all hope
My ex was a gaslighting guy who struggled with his temper and manipulative. He didn't believe me when I said I didn't want to marry him and take his name and gave me an ultimatum. 2 weeks after we split, he moved in with his ex. My DH was so happy to have me say yes, he wouldn't have cared what name I took. We've been married for 7 years (together 10), my DH pulls his weight around the house and we're a team. We're polite and straightforward with each other and don't really argue. But if one of us is being Mardy, we don't worry about telling them that. We often look at each other and say how lucky we are. Sometimes having a bad relationship, lets you work out what you really want/need
I knew my husband was the one from the moment I met him, and vice versa. It was love at first sight, something I really never believed in until I met him, but the first time he smiled at me I genuinely felt something click into place in my chest and it hasn't moved since. He has exceeded every single one of my expectations in the years we've been together. He's funny and kind and patient and generous. He loves to look after me - his perfect evening is to cook me a nice meal and run me a bath. He is loyal, honest and incredibly good. He sacrificed a great deal to be with me and tells me every day how worth it it was. He has supported me through some really difficult times including ongoing PTSD. I get excited to come home to him every day. He would give up anything to make me happy, and I'd do the same for him. As silly as it sounds, he is my life: all my energies go into doing things for him, but he does the same for me so it balances out. Meeting him taught me who I am and what my purpose in the world is. We are partners in the truest sense of the word and everything is easier because we do it together. I still get butterflies when I remember that I'm married to him - I honestly can't believe I got to marry the best person I ever met but I did and I'm grateful every day.
Another example: after 35 years of marriage, my dad is a full time carer for my mum and he is endlessly patient and loving. Looking after her has been his life's work and changed him into a better person. He loves it, and he truly loves her unconditionally.
I was in a dreadfully unhappy relationship for 9 years which ended very badly. I was left a shell of a person. I got back in touch with someone who I used to work with, we became closer, fell in love, moved in together and are currently planning our family and life together. He is the dearest, kindest, most thoughtful human I have ever known. He just doesn't get grumpy or angry. I am always his priority. He cooks, cleans, does DIY around the house, writes poetry, massages my feet, wakes me with a cup of tea every morning, is always interested in what I have to say, and supports me in everything I do. He tells me I'm intelligent, adorable, strong, beautiful. He is loving in his words and actions. And he just happens to be drop dead gorgeous! I have no idea what I could have done to deserve this happiness and it wasn't too long ago I felt resigned to a miserable half life. Have hope, life can suprise you in such wonderful ways.
MeekonSandwich lovely tale - and I'm so glad that The End is so not the end!
FlyingElbows go on, tell him. Just do it! If you don't, maybe we will
My DH has some habits that make me want to poke him with a very sharp stick, but oh my god I do Iove him to bits, and he makes me get all tingly, even after 37 years. It was a miracle we got through year one though....
I've been with my DH 12 years. I can't imagine life without him and our son. He's kind, thoughtful, funny, handsome and an amazing cook. I can be my absolute worst self with him and he thinks it's sweet or funny. He's made me a nicer person. I grew up with a mother in a shitty relationship and the one takeaway from that car crash was find someone where it isn't hard work. I held out and it was more than worth it. I'd sooner be alone for eternity than be with someone who makes me unhappy.
My husband was my first serious boyfriend. We met almost 11 years ago online. We got together on our first date. Six weeks later I moved in with him! We got married 7 years later, have a child and another on the way. We have been through hard times due to work, housing and bereavement, but we've pulled through. He is patient, kind, caring, reliable and affectionate. I read horrendous stories about abusive partners on here and feel so lucky to have my husband. I know he would never treat me like that. In all the time I've known him I have never witnessed or experienced any meanness or nastiness from him.
My DH is my best friend and my rock. I couldn't have survived HG without him. He's so supportive, calm, and generally 'steady'. We have a no-drama, secure, happy relationship. He's an amazing Dad to baby DS as well.
someone told me that every time someone makes you a cup of tea it's an act of love. I wake up every morning to a coffee beside my bed. Love is and life is the little things.
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