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To not tell him I want to have an abortion?

(70 Posts)
Idontknowhwhattodo Tue 28-Mar-17 13:35:13

I've just taken a pregnancy test, it's positive.
I've always known I don't want kids let alone now. My life isn't together, I'm young, this is not what I want.
I'm on the pill AND used condoms, I'm gutted.
I'm figured I was late and just picked one up by chance earlier genuinely thinking it would come back negative.
I know I need to have an abortion, I'm so certain this needs to happen but I am so terrified.
The guy I met for the first time only 6 weeks ago, it's pretty casual. We've only met up 3 times in all. The last time I saw him was 2 weeks ago and we knew we weren't going to see each other for around a month and a half due to various reasons. We had been speaking every day but the conversation has slowed down since the last time I saw him. Even though it was mostly sex we've also spent many hours just hanging out and talking and cuddling, but yeah I'm aware I still barely know him. I honestly don't know if I'm ever going to see him again though, I've decided to leave the ball in his court to message me or make plans next month, but he may not.
Morally I don't know what to do, I mean if he never contacts me again there's absolutley no reason to tell him is there? But if he does is there? The last time we spoke was 3 days ago. But even so I know we won't see each other for still at least a month anyway. And I'm pretty certain this is going to stay a casual thing.
Also I'm going to pick up another test when I finish work to make sure.

MrsELM21 Tue 28-Mar-17 13:37:53

I think that you should tell him. It sounds like in this situation abortion would be the best option but I think you have to let him know.

floraeasy Tue 28-Mar-17 13:40:45

If you want to get an abortion, start making plans and get pre-abortion counselling, etc.

If there is no future in this relationship, I wouldn't bother seeing the guy again or telling him about the pregnancy. Just find a way of putting it behind you.

If you got pregnant taking two methods of contraception, perhaps see your doctor and see if there isn't something more reliable you could be using.

I am sorry you are having to go through this, but you'll be okay flowers

MaudGonneMad Tue 28-Mar-17 13:41:15

No you don't have to tell him if you don't want to. It's your body, your choice, and your business.

upperlimit Tue 28-Mar-17 13:43:40

I don't think you owe him anything morally. I would have the abortion and move forward. There's no point drawing him into this conversation, it's your decision to make.

nannyplumandkingthistle Tue 28-Mar-17 13:44:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

deckoff Tue 28-Mar-17 13:44:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

xStefx Tue 28-Mar-17 13:44:48

I don't think you need to tell him , especially as you have only seen him 3 times.

Book your appointment hun , get it over with and try to move on

Try not to panic,you wont be the first or the last to decide you don't want a baby yet.

Take care

aginghippy Tue 28-Mar-17 13:45:25

I think you should tell him something. Either tell him you want to have an abortion or else tell him afterwards that you have had one.

OK you barely know him, but the pregnancy is a consequence of his actions as well as yours.

Ginkypig Tue 28-Mar-17 13:46:31

It is your body and your right to tell.

Focus on getting the appointment sorted etc for now then in the few days it'll take to get things in place you may have a clearer idea of what you want to do about telling him.

Morally it is difficult because depending on your view he may want to know he may have a right to know but ultimately he has no say and you must do what is best for you both in regards to telling him and choosing wether to abort.

Good luck flowers

andshewillbeloved Tue 28-Mar-17 13:47:05

Having been in your situation, I wouldn't tell him unless you think there is a future with him.

Noodoodle Tue 28-Mar-17 13:47:21

Morally I kind of think he should be told....but in all honesty, in this situation, if it were me I wouldn't. I would just do it. You're not sure if you'll see him again, it's super early days, you don't want kids.

flowers for you, hope you have someone irl to support. Good luck with whatever you choose.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta Tue 28-Mar-17 13:48:13

I got pregnant by a one night stand - I was the same way as you (never wanted kids). I didn't tell the man, I had the abortion and never felt any guilt or anything

Patriciathestripper1 Tue 28-Mar-17 13:48:17

Don't tell him.
It is your decision and as it's all so casual you don't need to have deep and meaningful conversations with him about it.

Ginkypig Tue 28-Mar-17 13:48:45

Sorry wanted to add.

If it was me in the situation you've described I'd not tell him unless I saw the relationship growing into something more.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta Tue 28-Mar-17 13:50:02

If you tell him he will either be fine about it (in which case it doesn't matter) or not want you to do it. Honestly, I would get it sorted without his input

alltouchedout Tue 28-Mar-17 13:52:44

You don't have to tell him anything.
It's entirely your choice to make and you owe him nothing.

namechange20050 Tue 28-Mar-17 13:53:30

You know you don't want a baby so I would say don't involve this man at all; it may really over complicate things at a time when you need things to be as straightforward as possible. Best of luck op.

TheProblemOfSusan Tue 28-Mar-17 13:53:48

I don't think you need to tell him - but if there's a chance this might grow into something more, then it would be a big secret to keep from him.

So if it ever looks like getting serious either now or in the future, maybe be prepared to let him know straight off?

Papafran Tue 28-Mar-17 14:02:43

Of course you don't need to tell him. You can't say on one hand that abortion is entirely the woman's choice and the man has no say BUT that women have a moral obligation to tell a man about the pregnancy. Why, when they have no right to influence her decision? The only time you do have a moral obligation to tell is if you decide to keep the baby, in which case a man should know that he is a dad (unless he is a rapist or similar).
Otherwise, I would say no obligation to tell, not even in a longer-term relationship.

Inertia Tue 28-Mar-17 14:05:53

You are not obliged to tell him. It's entirely your body and your decision.

YetAnotherSpartacus Tue 28-Mar-17 14:06:03

That was REALLY unlucky. You know what you want. Don't tell him. Just go ahead and do it. It's your body and your choice.

TheVeryThing Tue 28-Mar-17 14:06:28

Why would you have to tell him? If you were in a relationship, yes, but after 6 weeks?
I don't see why it's a moral issue at all.
The decision is entirely yours. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

expatinscotland Tue 28-Mar-17 14:07:48

I wouldn't tell him. Just go and do it.

dilapidated Tue 28-Mar-17 14:08:37

I wouldn't tell him either.

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