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To think this mum is being a tad PFB about prospective nurseries?

(84 Posts)
SamanthaBrique Tue 28-Mar-17 09:53:41

Met a mum at soft play recently who's due to go back to work in a few months and is looking at local nurseries to send her DS to. However she is concerned that there aren't many Ofsted Outstanding nurseries in our area and that her child might be scarred for life (her words, not mine) by going to one that's "only" rated Good.

AIBU to think this is a bit PFB? Outstanding nurseries are great if there's one nearby but in my experience, Good has been great for my kids and they've got no scars of any kind!

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Tue 28-Mar-17 09:54:41

Maybe she will open her own just for her special snowflake. .

OuchBollocks Tue 28-Mar-17 09:56:13

She sounds anxious about returning to work and her child's wellbeing. Either support her, reassure her or leave her alone. Don't sneer.

alwaysthepessimist Tue 28-Mar-17 09:57:19

what does PFB mean?

And yes she is being silly but for some women this is far more important, everyone has different priorities

SamanthaBrique Tue 28-Mar-17 10:01:48

PFB = Precious Firstborn.

Well I did suggest a couple of the local authority nurseries which are rated Outstanding but she said she wouldn't even consider them on the basis that they'd be "full of council estate kids".

Iwasjustabouttosaythat Tue 28-Mar-17 10:33:18

Ugh, mother cares about her child, always the first to get shot down on MN. Clearly the OP hasn't put as much thought or effort into finding a nice place for her kid and now she's feeling like an inadequate mother so she's come on here to bitch about someone who is trying their best so OP can feel better about herself.

A bad nursery can be a horrible place. You don't know this woman's background. Maybe she has good reason to be worried. Yes the others are supposedly "good" but what's wrong with wanting the best?

Now run along and complain about those awful mothers who dress their kids well, provide them with too many activities, and don't forget those cows not giving their kids sugar. Did I forget tv? Those PFBs are all doomed. 🙄

TimetohittheroadJack Tue 28-Mar-17 10:50:14

I'd give her a break, she is probably feeling guilty about going back to work and worried about how her baby will cope without her, and half hoping somehow she doesn't have to go back to work and leave the baby at all.

iwasjustabouttosaythat feel free to not give your child sugar/let them watch tv/dress them nicely. But try not insinuate that if I don't take my two year old to 10 different weekly activities that I am letting him down.

Essexgirlupnorth Tue 28-Mar-17 10:51:26

PFB = precious first born

I sent my daughter to a newly opened nursery which didn't have an ofsed rating it is now rated satisfactory but my daughter is happy there. Remember some mums at a baby class boasting they had there babies down for a super expensive nursery which did all these classes had a sensory etc.

Noodoodle Tue 28-Mar-17 10:58:25

Oh god, I thought "being a bit pfb" was "precious fucking bitch". or precious fucking baby I'd been using it in my head everywhere I saw pfb. It was a bit confusing.
*misses point

SamanthaBrique Tue 28-Mar-17 10:59:15

Erm, I'm quite happy about the decisions I've made with my kids iwant but yes, I do think the woman is being PFB, especially to reject outstanding nurseries on the basis that they'd be full of kids from the local estate.

Rainydayspending Tue 28-Mar-17 11:02:00

Gently explain that ofsted ratings are very unreliable and do not assure the safety or welfare of her child. She needs to judge for herself and step away from a paper based cursory assessment. Because otherwise she's fallen into a sucker trap, she needs to trust her parenting more.

coughsandsneezes Tue 28-Mar-17 11:06:08

Yes that mum's words to you were unreasonable, but so is your post.

I used to be that woman you describe. When DC was 6 months old I was only considering Ofsted outstanding nurseries. Yes I was being PFB about it. But to be fair, like everything else parent-related, it is a minefield when you have your first DC, trying to sift through the rubbish that people tell you and you irrationally hang on to anything that sounds like an objective measure of being good, because you know everyone would be really judgmental if you were spotted doing something "wrong" as a parent (OP I am looking at you)

I learned fast. DC is now in a preschool that is rated Good but that's irrelevant. The setting is small (which suits DC's personality), the staff are highly experienced, they got the measure of DC's personality very soon after starting and they've been nothing but supportive. Parenting is something you learn by doing, and the mum you mention will probably work it all out for herself soon enough.

Until then - try remembering what it was like being a new mum, and cutting her some slack.

KarmaKit Tue 28-Mar-17 11:10:27

One of my local schools is rated outstanding, in the top 5% of the country. It's still "full of kids from the local council estate" because of where it is located. Does she think that council estate kids aren't allowed in outstanding rated places?

WorraLiberty Tue 28-Mar-17 11:10:53

OFSTED ratings are not the be all and end all.

What may be rated 'outstanding' to OFSTED can often be rated shit by individual families, who the nursery doesn't suit.

That said, I agree with PPs who say she sounds very anxious.

Even with your 'council estate' drip feed, I don't really think you should be laughing at her.

AnoiseAnnoysanOyster Tue 28-Mar-17 11:17:02

I only looked at the local outstanding nurseries for my precious second child. It's great and he loves it so I'm very happy with my choice. Equally he goes to a 'good' preschool.

Maybe she's nervous about going back to work, seems a bit mean laughing at her. Choosing a nursery can be a minefield.

TinyTear Tue 28-Mar-17 11:21:10

Outstanding just means they are good at paperwork and playing the system... I'm very happy with my Good nurseries and primary School

Fruitcocktail6 Tue 28-Mar-17 11:21:18

OFSTED ratings don't mean much. They are there for one day and half of that is paperwork in the office.

I work for a nursery with two sites, one is outstanding, the other is good (because we didn't have enough books in the outside area - it was raining - on the day we were inspected).

I meet parents like this all the time in my job, so often focused on the wrong things.

WorraLiberty Tue 28-Mar-17 11:23:40

OFSTED wouldn't rate a nursery as good purely because they didn't have enough books in the outside area Fruit.

Have a look at the report in full.

itsonlysubterfuge Tue 28-Mar-17 11:23:56

My DD is 4 and I'm homeschooling her so she doesn't have to attend a school with the local kids confused. We can't afford to move, so we are keeping her home.

I just can't get my head around trusting her with a stranger, she is my PFB. I don't see the issue with being "PFB" about your child. All I am doing is being concerned that I give her the best I can. Isn't it more important that it comes from love and protective instinct? This world needs more love, not less, so why not support her in making what is a difficult choice rather than call her mental for thinking her child is precious and special.

user1476185294 Tue 28-Mar-17 11:24:16

I thought your point was going to be that OFSTED ratings aren't the 'golden ticket' everyone should be searching for, there are other far more important aspects than what some random adult has seen on a single day (or 3).

But I would rather my (non-existent) child go to a GOOD nursery in (what's a nice way of saying not posh but not scrotes?) a 'friendly' area than one near to (and with a high number of) rougher families. I'm not saying that all families on council estates are rough, just that typically there are more issues at home and almost a different set of issues for many kids from these areas.

highinthesky Tue 28-Mar-17 11:24:50

Isn't it natural to be anxious about parenting the first born? A combination if inexperience and idealism.

Its quickly replaced wth practical considerations by the time #2 comes along.

Absintheshots Tue 28-Mar-17 11:29:22

she is doing the best for her child and doesn't really understand what an "outstanding" nursery is, but she is trying hard. Who can fault her for that.

nothing wrong either to chose the area where your school is based. You want your kid to make friends, you invite them to parties and you go to theirs, I can't see what the problem is in trying to find parent from a similar background than yours.
Whilst it is not critical, I am still glad my kids had a few friends from preschool when they started reception. They would have been fine without, but it made their fist week that little bit easier. It only happened because we chose the nursery in the right catchment area.

AnnieAnoniMouse Tue 28-Mar-17 11:32:46

Are you trying to be goady or is it just your nature?

alltouchedout Tue 28-Mar-17 11:34:38

I think she's being a foul snob if she really thinks a nursery that takes children from -gasp- a council estate cannot possibly be good enough for her dc. Pandering to her will do her and her dc no long term good at all. Do I understand the acute anxiety many of us experience when looking for childcare for the very first (or every) time? Of course I do, I was ridiculously worried when I was looking for care for ds1. I dismissed childminders out of hand on the grounds that they'd have far more scope to mistreat my pfb with no other adults around. I looked at one nursery and decided against it because I thought it was too close to a busy road. I lived in a house at the time which was much closer to a busier road! I was daft! But I didn't base my thinking on my perceptions of the social class of other dc, or their families, at any prospective provider. Because that would have crossed the line from pfb to snobby twat.

differentnameforthis Tue 28-Mar-17 11:43:36

Sounds like she is making any excuse not to put him in a nursery as she doesn't want to back to work. I can understand that!

Perhaps a childminder would suit her better?

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