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AIBU to agree with rape victim RE:drunken women judge comments

(164 Posts)
FullTimeYummy Tue 28-Mar-17 09:52:16

This is the lady who eas the victim in the recent case where the judge made the controversial comments about drunken women.

I have to say i agree with the victims take on the comments: they are a warning to take care, nothing else

FullTimeYummy Tue 28-Mar-17 21:53:37

There is a longer video on the Telegraph site, possible trigger warnings for listening to her account obviously

Sirzy Tue 28-Mar-17 21:57:19

But the issue is, and I am not saying everyone shouldn't take care of themselves, but if someone is out to rape someone then they will find someone so although a "take care" approach may help stop you being a victim it doesn't stop a rapist raping someone else

Realistically the only person who can prevent a rape from happening is the rapist.

Dozer Tue 28-Mar-17 21:59:53

It's really sad that a victim of such a crime has internalised the victim blaming.

The reporting on this makes me angry: using one victim's opinion to write more victim blaming crap.

Rapists are the problem, not women doing or not doing things to "protect themselves".

FullTimeYummy Tue 28-Mar-17 22:00:48

Yes, but if you can't directly control the rapist.

Dozer Tue 28-Mar-17 22:02:37

It's like when people say "take care", "stay safe", "pay attention" as though that will help friends avoid dangerous criminals. Pointless.

Assume we do that. Avoid places, alcohol, certain clothes, friendships, family ties and relationships (since many rapists are known to women). Stay in a room all day long.

The criminals will still commit the crimes against someone.

SanBlas Tue 28-Mar-17 22:03:13

I found it strange that it was reported in the way it was, just because someone who was raped said that she agreed with the statement then she is correct confused and we were all wrong to think that it was a victim blaming statement which is highly damaging.

user1481140239 Tue 28-Mar-17 22:05:15

Why should we have to 'take care'? Why can't men just not to rape us? that's the bottom line.

FullTimeYummy Tue 28-Mar-17 22:05:58

In fairness the "advice" given by the judge and accepted by the victim pertains to a specific situation, rather than just a general "be careful, try not to get raped" soundbite.

limon Tue 28-Mar-17 22:07:40

Rapists cause rape. Drunkenness does not. This vile commentary sets us back. Yabvu.

FullTimeYummy Tue 28-Mar-17 22:08:20

Some men seemingly don't want to not rape, are difficult to prosecute when they do, so consequently don't fear the consequences to not do it.

Which only really leaves other mitigating options to lower the risk level.

QuiteLikely5 Tue 28-Mar-17 22:08:55

All people are highlighting is that there is a bloody correlation between alcohol and rape.

Why oh why do people have to take offence!???

It's true and should be taken on board

ClashCityRocker Tue 28-Mar-17 22:09:51

We left a small window on the latch and got burgled.

Not once did anyone suggest that an offence hadn't been committed as we hadn't taken the necessary precautions to ensure our home was secure.

The burglar was never caught, but had he been, I'm quite sure that 'but the window was open' wouldn't have made any difference to either the verdict or the sentence.

Yes, not putting yourself in risky situations is a good message. But once the crime happens it is due to the actions of the criminal, not the victim.

FullTimeYummy Tue 28-Mar-17 22:10:46


Has anybody suggested that drunkeness causes rape? I certainly didn't say that, nor did the victim, nor did the judge.

HoldBackTheRain Tue 28-Mar-17 22:13:02

Yes YABVVU. Agree with what dozer and others have said.

Dozer Tue 28-Mar-17 22:13:29

The judge was really saying "try to avoid you personally being the victim [but someone will be the victim] by not doing this"

I would rather she had talked about ideas for bringing more rapists to justice or to tackle "rape culture".

FullTimeYummy Tue 28-Mar-17 22:14:43


you've made my point for me. Closing the window is sound advice to prevent getting burgled. As you rightly point out, nobody would claim you weren't burgled if your window was open.

Just as nobody has claimed this lady wasn't raped. They have simple stated that avoiding certain behaviour mitigates the risk of being the victim of crime. Just like locking a windows reduces the risk of being burgled.

mynameiscalypso Tue 28-Mar-17 22:15:01

I know I've said this before on here but I find these kind of discussions ironic given I was told by the CPS that they wouldn't prosecute my rapist because I wasn't drunk enough...

wevegottobeathemdown Tue 28-Mar-17 22:16:05

Would you be happy for your drunk dressed up teenage daughter to walk home at home in the dark on account of it 'should make no difference'? Or would you discourage it?
The comments are simply discouraging such behaviour.

FullTimeYummy Tue 28-Mar-17 22:16:26

But yes Dozer, if you lock your windows and your neighbour doesn't, then they will get burgled.

limon Tue 28-Mar-17 22:17:02

yummy in am insidious manner, yes they have. We don't need this crap narrative. Where is the narrative that tells men how to avoid raping people?

Hoptastic53 Tue 28-Mar-17 22:17:07

I agree with the victim. If you're so drunk you don't have your wits about you, you're more likely to be a victim of any crime - not just rape. If an extremely drunk woman was stumbling about or half asleep on a night bus and had her bag snatched, you wouldn't blame the victim but you'd see why she was an easy target. Yes, if someone's out to rape then they probably will but there are steps you can take to not make yourself an easy target. That's how I interpreted it.

limon Tue 28-Mar-17 22:19:22

If the messages wemcontinually hear are about women reducing the risk of rape we will never be free of this shit. When do we ever see public statements which instruct men on gainimg consent? Fucking never.

bellasuewow Tue 28-Mar-17 22:21:24

Such a shame that the judge could not use her platform to decry the fact that so many men rape women. The judge had obviously just accepted men as rapists and given up and then just asked women to stop getting drunk it is so defeatist and sad and yes sexist to both men and women. It is like that old saying of 'just don't wind him up you know what he is like' to domestic violence victims. The judge has used her platform to victim blame on the small proportion of women who happen to be drunk when raped. What about the rapes that are perpetrated by men on other men, children old people where the victim is not drunk. She is giving an impression of rape as stranger danger. Would she then advise kids not to go into care because this will make them vulnerable to sexual exploitation. I am disappointed that the judge with her years of experience has learned nothing about rape and rape prevention.

FullTimeYummy Tue 28-Mar-17 22:24:05

there are plenty of initiatives aimed (primarily) at young men to educate about consent. To suggest otherwise is nonsense.

Even if there were no such campaigns, it would not change the legitimacy of the common sense argument made by the judge and many (most?) rational people.

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