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To want an afternoon to myself?

(12 Posts)
DontFundHate Tue 28-Mar-17 09:38:22

Been through a lot recently and really feel on the edge a lot of the time and so unhappy. I don't think it's a MH issue, just have a lot to deal with, but I'm also aware that I need to take steps to look after myself.

Anyway to my aibu. I asked my mil if she could have 2yo DS for the afternoon so I could get haircut. I explained that I feel like I need some time to myself as have had so much on recently. She agreed to have DS and said it would do me good. Yesterday she texts me to say that she will come with me. Aibu to explain again that no, she can't come to town with me (even though she's doing me a favour) and explain my reasons why again? Or can beggars not be choosers as I will still be able to get my haircut just won't be in town for the afternoon by myself? Thanks all

JonesyAndTheSalad Tue 28-Mar-17 09:47:53

How will she come with you if she's got DS?? SHe's not planning on bringing him is she?

If so, tell her "It's very nice of you to think of keeping me company but I need a rest from DS and just to spend some time alone..."

floraeasy Tue 28-Mar-17 09:50:17

Maybe just let her come on this occasion. You'll feel better after you get your hair done.

Then, start planning for a regular afternoon off once a week.

Waiting until you feel awful and then snatching a hour or so where you will be interrupted anyway won't do much good.

Can you negotiate for this? Make sure you explain you need the time to yourself or invent an appointment where you can't have a tag-along.

kissmethere Tue 28-Mar-17 09:50:46

Yea it's not the same thing is it? Can you reiterate that you need time alone and see how she takes it? It's important for your sanity I guess. It's not much to ask and she can do her trip into town with you another day?

DontFundHate Tue 28-Mar-17 09:52:06

Yes I think she fancies coming to town with DS. I feel a bit bad as they're going on n hols on Fri so she may have wanted to get some bits and it is easier to do today as I will be there too! (She works on weds and has DS while I go to work on Thurs) sorry if that's a drip feed!

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Tue 28-Mar-17 09:52:19

Just say maybe a 2yo isn't going to manage to sit still on the hairdressers but you will being cakes back with you?!

d270r0 Tue 28-Mar-17 09:58:18

In her eyes she is doing you a favour by letting you get your hair cut. She doesn't understand you want time for yourself as well. I don't think you can say anything without offending her as she is doing you a favour, whether she comes or not.
Is there any way you can get time out on the weekend, is your dh/dp around then to look after dc?
Also when does your ds turn 3 and get 15 hours free childcare- everyone needs time to themselves occasionally.

BusterGonad Tue 28-Mar-17 10:01:13

Why don't you say yes but explain you'll have a lot to do so best split up and meet up again in x amount of hours! Obviously she'll have your son!

user1485196412 Tue 28-Mar-17 10:04:19

Oh no! That is NOT ideal. Sometimes you just need some time alone. Can you just say nicely but firmly you think it's best they do something else. Maybe a little white lie 'last time I took her to the hairdressers she screamed the entire time ' but you could suggest meeting for a coffee later in the afternoon or that she could stay for dinner so you get to see her?

SleepFreeZone Tue 28-Mar-17 10:05:54

Oh god I hear you. Most Wednesdays my mum has my four year old and enables me to go food shopping with the baby. It's an absolute lifesaver just having one afternoon to do something for myself.

You are not asking too much!

DontFundHate Tue 28-Mar-17 11:12:18

Thanks all, I think she will be understanding, I just feel like a bit of an arse and a precious snowflake!

floraeasy Tue 28-Mar-17 11:32:12

Don't feel guilty about needing time to yourself, OP. Everyone needs that!

Well done you on recognising that you feel close to the edge and are taking steps to look after yourself. It's the smart thing to do and will save a lot of trouble in the long run.

Good luck!

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