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Starting to dread my birthday. AIBU?

(16 Posts)
gillygee Tue 28-Mar-17 00:21:05

I was so very nearly one of those people posting yesterday about Mothers Day disappointments but decided not to dwell, focus on the positives etc. ... but somehow I think I haven't really got over it.

DH got me a card from the kids but hadn't got them to sign it so, after I got up with them on Sunday morning while he lay in, he then waited till I had gone to get a shower to organise it. It was all a bit half hearted and lacking effort. No presents despite him apologising last year that there was no present. The fact that I have talked to him about what I was organising for my & his mums for a few weeks didn't seem to make him realise he should organise anything for me. Neither was there any effort to make a fuss. I did most stuff as usual and stood till nearly 11pm making lunches, organising school stuff, getting the next days' dinner ready etc. He did do one thing to help then said, "can I go watch the racing?" Like a teenager being made to do chores..

Kids are very young and I got lovely handmade cards etc from them so I know I should really count my blessings but when I think of the time & effort DH has spent on other things this weekend, I can't help but feel hurt at the lack of effort he put into making Mothers day special for me.

Now It's also my birthday this week and I'm starting to dread it in case there is a similar lack of effort made. I know he has organised a present that I will get at a later date and I really don't want to seem ungrateful for it but I know that, given the fact that I'm still feeling a bit fragile from. Sunday, I'm going to take it badly if that is the extent of the birthday. I'm not after anything lavish -just something that shows a little bit of thought like if he said, let's go out for tea so you don't have to cook.

I really don't want to be entitled or ungrateful -I keep trying to convince myself that these things don't matter but if I'm being honest with myself, they really do and they are eating me up inside.

I am worried that I'll not be able to hide my disappointment twice in one week if the birthday goes as I expect it might. AIBU?

Any tips as to how I can stop wallowing and be more positive would be gratefully received!


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DJBaggySmalls Tue 28-Mar-17 00:28:46

YANBU. Really you're not. A family is not a collection if strangers in a shared house.

Underbeneathsies Tue 28-Mar-17 00:54:21

gillygee, please stop thinking about how to best hide your disappointment, and fucking explode woman.

I'd lay it out that I feel neglected, taken for granted and treated very badly.
Make clear that you are disappointed as hell and you're not going to put up with it. That chores are for sharing by all members of the family that live there, and it's not your job to allocate them and let people off them for good behaviour.

You're sounding like you don't want to make a fuss, but you must, you absolutely must make a fuss about the things that matter to you and your family.

Keeping a mummy happy is essential for the smooth and happy running of a family, it's your duty to kick up a fuss.
You're top dog remember : without you the whole things falls apart. You're the lynchpin.

It's your duty too to let people know that you're not going to put up with shit.

Your kids are learning from you, so teach them something that matters.

gillygee Tue 28-Mar-17 07:45:08

Thanks guys.. I hate having to ask for someone to do something nice. It's so much better if they do it of their own free will but i think unless I say, it's not going to happen..

rollonthesummer Tue 28-Mar-17 07:47:28

Did you tell him you were upset?

Bobbins43 Tue 28-Mar-17 07:50:06

I would organise something for myself too tbh. Flowers and a present and a cake. Do tell him how you feel too. But if he's got form for this...

ShowMePotatoSalad Tue 28-Mar-17 07:50:37

Doea he do much round the house, i.e. his fair share?

I think you should start saying he needs to do the lunches either with you to lighten the load, or half the time so it's evenly shared. Or if you so lunches until 11pm he can get them up each morning for their breakfast.

TBH it sounds like he's taking advantage of not doing much. I would be very assertive from now on.

Also please tell him how you felt about Mother's Day. Don't fester.

GloriaV Tue 28-Mar-17 07:52:39

What did he do for his mother?

Sparkletastic Tue 28-Mar-17 07:53:11

I second the not keeping quiet and hoping that DH will do something thoughtful for you. He clearly isn't the thoughtful or considerate type to state clearly what you would like to happen on your birthday.

Sparkletastic Tue 28-Mar-17 07:55:59

*so

Lelly0503 Tue 28-Mar-17 07:56:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lelly0503 Tue 28-Mar-17 07:57:44

Ok this was definitely meant for the Morrisons thread.

LiveLifeWithPassion Tue 28-Mar-17 08:02:42

If it's really affecting you then you need to tell him.
As for your birthday, tell him or send a message, to say that you'd love a meal out for your birthday and suggest the place you want to go. Then just go.
If your dh is generally rubbish at this type of thing and it's important to you, then you'll have to direct it.
Do things that make you happy. Tell people to sort it or organise it yourself if you have to.

gillygee Tue 28-Mar-17 09:29:37

He is generally quite caring but I guess he shows it in more practical ways. I got the presents and cards for his mum for Mother's day but he is good to her and will go help her out at the drop of a hat. Likewise, he that he took my car to get washed on Sunday. Those are the kind of ways he shows he cares and I hate seeming ungrateful but I would much have preferred a bunch of even garage flowers!

Round the house is an ongoing discussion - we have allocated areas of responsibility and he works hard in the garden but he thinks I do unnecessary things (like cooking from scratch when you can just buy freezer food and ironing because the creases fall out when you wear them etc) so he helps but I wouldn't say it works like a partnership.

GloriaV Tue 28-Mar-17 11:44:09

It is the children's mother's day after all.
His job is to remind them to get something nice, or do something nice for you (when they're older).

LiveLifeWithPassion Fri 31-Mar-17 08:33:11

How was your birthday op?
Hope it was a good one!

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