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To be fed up reading this on every Mother's Day thread?

(112 Posts)
Saxa Mon 27-Mar-17 22:18:39

"You're not <DP/DH's mother, why is he buying you a gift?"

Why is it considered wrong for a partner to buy the mother of his children a gift? Whether it's facilitating younger children to get a gift/do something nice or giving something themselves, surely the point is to show appreciation for the role a mother plays in all she does for her family? Why can't a DP show appreciation for his partner's role as mother to his children too?

My DP didn't get me anything or do anything for me, and I'm not bothered by that (DS picked things with help of his gran). I don't think it should necessarily be expected but it's not a bad thing either, is it?

U2HasTheEdge Mon 27-Mar-17 22:23:28

It's a twatty response.

I mean, really? No shit you aren't his mum but if the children are too young to go out and get you something then it's the husband's job to help them with it. I get my husband something for Father's Day to help the younger ones and to also show I appreciate him (yes I do show him throughout the year as well).

DH really screwed up this year for the first time in 11 years. He put it right and made up for it but if he tried to excuse it by telling me I'm not his mother it would not have gone down well at all.

vichill Mon 27-Mar-17 22:28:45

"really screwed up"hmm did he accidentally post shit in the letterbox? Its all entitled bollocks to me. I'll be using
"You're not <DP/DH's mother, why is he buying you a gift?" next year toosmile.

TooStressyForMyOwnGood Mon 27-Mar-17 22:30:32

I don't get it either. It is surely a nice thing to teach your children to appreciate their mum and to show it (and yes, their dad too when Father's Day comes round).

Especially if you have young children, most mums work bloody hard to look after them and deserve a bit of love and recognition and two minutes to themselves. If the DC are not old enough to do that themselves then I would hope someone helps them. It is a break from the daily grind and I don't see why that is so hard to understand.

Luckily my DH knows it is important to me and helps my DC. I have also set my expectations clearly years ago that I expect to have a mini rest on Mother's Day and my birthday. If that makes me entitled then so be it.

SpiritedLondon Mon 27-Mar-17 22:31:40

I'm with you OP. Apparently you should expect nothing and expressing disappointment is somehow tantamount to selfishness or unreasonable dramatics. I've always made an effort for my mum and I've no doubt that when I was a baby this was facilitated by my dad. My DD4 made a lovely card but I still enjoyed my flowers and chocolates and lunch that my DH arranged for me..... why would you consider that a bad thing. I'll also enjoy treating him when Fathers Day comes around. Its great to celebrate occasions when you can otherwise it's all bills, working and cleaning and where's the joy in that. ?

raviolidreaming Mon 27-Mar-17 22:33:03

It's a twatty response

It really is.

DJBaggySmalls Mon 27-Mar-17 22:36:48

I'm going to sound old fashioned. But.
Theres really nothing wrong with people putting themselves out slightly for someone else, when its important.
For example, remember the fad for posting selfies on social media from a besides a hospital bed or funeral? There was a lively discussion online, and someone posted they wouldn't have been able to sit through a funeral if they didnt know the person.
I thought that was shit. Days like Mothers Day are supposed to shale us out of our self absorption for an hour. And a lot of seem to people need it.

A family is not a collection of strangers living in a shared house.

isupposeitsverynice Mon 27-Mar-17 22:39:42

I wholeheartedly agree with you OP

ThePinkOcelot Mon 27-Mar-17 22:40:50

I stand by what I said. To me, and I am entitled to my opinion, it's pointless and means nothing. It means something when the child has chosen something themselves. So, no it is not a shitty response!!

ThePinkOcelot Mon 27-Mar-17 22:41:21

Sorry, twatty!!

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer Mon 27-Mar-17 22:44:49

I thought it was up to parents to lead by example

To show ther children how to be thoughtful and generous

To show them how to think of others

To show them how to show appreciation themselves

Apart from on mothers day obviously...and then mothers can stop being so fucking entitled!!!!!!!

Permanentlyexhausted Mon 27-Mar-17 22:48:09

It is a shitty response. DH said it to me once. My response. "Maybe not, but you're the person who made me a mother."

littlefrog3 Mon 27-Mar-17 22:49:33

I agree too. Why SHOULDN'T your husband or life partner buy something for you for mother's day? Just coz he's not your son?

I mean, you may as well say he shouldn't buy you something for your birthday, because he didn't give birth to you!

He SHOULD be buying something, (from him,) and he also needs to make sure your kids get something too (while they're young and can't really do it themselves.)

In addition to receiving cards and gifts from my kids, my husband has always bought me a 'to my wife on mother's day' card (and several gifts.) An I do for him on father's day of course.

PurpleMinionMummy Mon 27-Mar-17 22:49:48

I find it ironic this line isn't rolled out at birthdays or christmas when it's suddenly perfectly ok for a dad to help his children buy a gift for their mum and perfectly acceptable for mum to want a card or small token of appreciation hmm

Nor do I see it being mentioned when teachers help kids make cards for all the mums that aren't theirs.

Seems like lame justification for a dp who cba imo.

littlefrog3 Mon 27-Mar-17 22:50:32

I mean I buy my husband a FATHER'S day card on father's day LOL. (And a few gifts...)

MissGoggins Mon 27-Mar-17 22:50:40

To me all this 'dp meant to buy something' is bollocks. Impatient millennial bollocks.

Wait until your child can ask dad for help. It will mean something more than a point scoring exercise then, if you will only have patience.

I actually heard of a woman being so hurt because her dp didn't give her a Mother's Day gift from her child... wait for it... who was still in the womb!!

<eye roll>

These women are raising the next generation!

PoppyFleur Mon 27-Mar-17 22:51:21

YANBU OP.

Showing your DC the way to appreciate other family members is a good thing, whether it be Mother's Day, Father's Day, birthdays etc. I would like my son to be thoughtful and by witnessing us being kind to each other I hope he will show that same consideration to future partners.

U2HasTheEdge Mon 27-Mar-17 22:51:49

did he accidentally post shit in the letterbox?

No obviously not, but yes he screwed up. I do expect him to make an effort for the children's sake. I don't ask for much, just a bunch of daffodils, a box of chocolates or over seeing card making. I don't think that is too much to ask and I expect the man I love to want to do it for me and the children. He is usually great at it and I know I'm loved and appreciated but I wasn't going to tell him it was ok that he went to no effort this year.

It shocked me because it's so unlike him and I'm not the type of person to shut up when someone has upset me.

Other people don't give a shit about MD and that's great, but to brush off other people's disappointment is shitty. There's a big difference between someone moaning because they didn't like their present and someone moaning because they didn't get so much as a card or even acknowledgement.

PurpleMinionMummy Mon 27-Mar-17 22:53:22

And how does a small child choose something themselves with no adult to help them pinkocelet? What if they want to buy mums favourite chocolate or make her a cake? Tough luck unless you're old enough to to it yourself kid? That's being shitty on the kid which is even worse.

TattyCat Mon 27-Mar-17 22:53:52

Good grief. All this fuss about a day you're TOLD you should acknowledge your parent... what a load of bollocks.

So ... do you do it because you want to or because you feel obliged? There are 364 other days ...

MrsJayy Mon 27-Mar-17 22:54:32

I personally like it is a clinton holiday confused i always think they are being defensive which is a shame Dads or whoever helping young children to buy their mum a card is just a kind thing to do teaching them how to be kind is a part of parenting a bunch of flowers or a box of wine sweets is hardly indulgent.

QueenLaBeefah Mon 27-Mar-17 22:54:57

I agree it is a twatty response.

Is it really that difficult to organise the kids so they make a home made card, a lie in and a cup of tea in bed? Heck, let's really push the boat out and buy a bunch of daffies for a quid.

LiveLifeWithPassion Mon 27-Mar-17 22:56:46

Most of the disappointed threads were from mums who seemed far from entitled. They just wanted a gesture and some kindness!
It's sad that so many have such inconsiderate and unkind partners.
Time to evaluate their relationships and expectations, perhaps.

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer Mon 27-Mar-17 22:56:47

Im not fussed about a present but all hell will break loose if i dont get a card

vichill

Dh fucked up last year, and he doesn't do anything about a card for me except remind the children...he managed that bit, it was the rest of the day i had a problem with smile

To be fair if he had done the same on any other day i would still have been furious

Saxa Mon 27-Mar-17 22:59:15

To me, and I am entitled to my opinion, it's pointless and means nothing.

That's fine Pink but could you explain why you think that? I don't understand why it's pointless for a partner/father to show appreciation to the person they love for helping bring up their children and run the home.

If your DP came home on a random Tuesday in July with a bunch of flowers or some wine, just to say "thanks" for everything you do for him and your children, would that be pointless too?

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