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Asking my exdh to collect our children from the airport after I have taken them on holiday?

(215 Posts)
LieInsAreExtinct Mon 27-Mar-17 19:52:37

Background: We split nearly 6 years ago because of his drinking, and have just finalized divorce. Since then I have provided the vast majority of childcare for our 2 DC, now 12 and 17. In the last year or so he has been sober and able to have our younger a one overnight and I the odd week in school hold which had been a huge improvement although it causes friction sometimes. Our DD is not keen on going to stay, mainly as she doesn't have her own room there, but I feel she should spend 4 or 5 weekends a year (seeing her grandma too)
He gives me a modest amount per month for their upkeep and has signed over most of our family home to me, with an affordable mortgage. He owns other property, doesn't work, lives with and cares for his elderly mum. He is not hard up and could work if he wanted to. What he pays me covers his share of the dc basic living costs, but certainly doesn't cover the cost of taking them on holiday. I have taken them away for a week or two each year, sometimes cheap and cheerful, sometimes splashing out a bit on skiing or an all-inclusive resort. I work full-time and also accommodate students for extra income, so work bloody hard. My job is a low-as-you-can go management job in the NHS.
Here's the beef: I asked him if he would ease collect the children from the airport when we get back from France at Easter. We land about 8 pm and I am planning to go to see my boyfriend for 3 nights before I go back to work on the Tuesday. This will mean about 40 minutes extra each way for him, compared to collecting them from our home next day (which is Easter Sunday, when I think would be nice for them to see their gm instead of her being abandoned for hours). He thinks this is an unreasonable request. I think it is the least he can do to contribute something to facilitating the DC's holiday, and he is just being petty and jealous. It will cost us another £40 or so to get home, and I wouldn't be able to get going until mid-morning next day. Ok do I will enjoy the holiday, but it will also involve stress and all the delights of siblings bickering in close quarters for a week, on top of the expense. I only ever get to really relax when being pampered by my partner (coming up for 3 years, only see each other 'most' weekends and have not had more than 4 nights away as a holiday).

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Mon 27-Mar-17 19:57:50

It isn't to facilitate the dc tho it's to facilitate you seeing your bf!!

HermioneJeanGranger Mon 27-Mar-17 19:59:36

Are they not old enough to get a train to his and he can collect?

Lelloteddy Mon 27-Mar-17 19:59:56

He's an arse but you know that already.
Don't give him the satisfaction of a row.

happypoobum Mon 27-Mar-17 20:00:46

Can't you just put them in a taxi to his and you go to your bf? Why would you have to go home with them, they aren't babies?

Universitychallenging Mon 27-Mar-17 20:01:12

He has no obligation to facilitate your holiday with the dc. And anyway. It's so you can go and see your boyfriend.

RainbowsAndUnicorn Mon 27-Mar-17 20:02:17

He wouldn't be doing it for the children though however you dress it up, really it's so you can have another night with your partner whilst leaving them for three days.

OlennasWimple Mon 27-Mar-17 20:02:46

What if the plane is delayed and he has to hang around the airport four hours, leaving his mum alone?

wannabestressfree Mon 27-Mar-17 20:03:58

lol facilitate their holiday...... maybe if you didn't flannel and told him the truth he would. He will be helping you that's all. It's manipulative to dress it up as anything else....

Haffdonga Mon 27-Mar-17 20:04:42

Can the dcs go by taxi or public transport to him from the airport?

Universitychallenging Mon 27-Mar-17 20:04:48

How are you getting to the boyfriend's?

needsahalo Mon 27-Mar-17 20:05:42

He has no obligation to facilitate your holiday with the dc. And anyway. It's so you can go and see your boyfriend

So bloody what? She is allowed a boyfriend. Asking a favour every now and again isn't unreasonable.

LieInsAreExtinct Mon 27-Mar-17 20:05:50

Well that's his view... Ignoring the fact that they have to get back from the airport somehow and that would be down to me, along with all other expenses and organising. I haven't told him the details, just that I have plans for that night... Could be a number of things, like a friend's birthday or tickets for an event.

Universitychallenging Mon 27-Mar-17 20:06:57

Doesn't matter. He has no obligation to facilitate your holiday with the dc.

amberdillyduck Mon 27-Mar-17 20:07:50

The 17 year old takes the 12 year old home by public transport and looks after them or you take them home and leave immediately with the 17 year old in charge . The 17 year old is an adult- why do they need you to stay and care for them?

harderandharder2breathe Mon 27-Mar-17 20:08:01

It's not for the dc benefit, or the GM though, it's so you can have time with your new partner.

You are CHOOSING to take them on holiday, which presumably is something you enjoy as well. You don't have to do it so don't be a martyr about it.

Yes it would be nice if he would pick them up but if he won't then you can't make him. Stick them in a taxi to their dads, or get your partner to drop them off on your way home.

JassyRadlett Mon 27-Mar-17 20:08:06

Christ some nasty responses on here. Gosh, how dare OP ask the children's dad to help her out considering she does most of the caring for them, has had them for the bulk of the school holidays, and he'd get extra time with them as well.

OlennasWimple Mon 27-Mar-17 20:10:28

Jassy - no-one's saying the OP's unreasonable to ask her exDP to come to the airport, just that he's not necessarily unreasonable to decline to help

Universitychallenging Mon 27-Mar-17 20:10:36

No way would I be driving 40 mins each way to do a favour for my ex and pick up the kids when they've been on holiday. If you want to take them on holiday you take them and bring them home again.

Plus. Are you expecting to go in the car with the dc and your ex home? Because that would annoy me. Close quarters in the car with my ex is not a pleasant experience.

Or is your boyfriend going to pick you up?

Chinnygirl Mon 27-Mar-17 20:11:49

You are not unreasonable for asking him but he is also not unreasonable for refusing. Let it go or make the kids take the train (I did that at 12 cheerfully alone so with a 17 year old it should be fine).

LieInsAreExtinct Mon 27-Mar-17 20:12:03

It's too far and expensive for a taxi. I've looked into train/coach; no good. He would be coming to get them the next day anyway and DS will be staying the week while I go to work. Dd will no doubt make her way back by train sooner. As I said it's about 40 minutes extra each way, and ok there may be some waiting time...His mum will go to bed about 9 so it won't affect her much.

WhooooAmI24601 Mon 27-Mar-17 20:12:44

YANBU. He could easily accommodate you and 80 minutes out of his week is nothing. Dig in your heels. Ex and I work together when it comes to DS1; there are absolutely times he goes out of his way to help me out and vice versa. It's not a big deal helping each other out if you can, your Ex is being incredibly U.

Universitychallenging Mon 27-Mar-17 20:12:48

But why should he enable you seeing your boyfriend? How are you planning to get home?

happypoobum Mon 27-Mar-17 20:13:49

It will cost us another £40 or so to get home,

How are you getting home then?

HermioneJeanGranger Mon 27-Mar-17 20:16:39

Why did you arrange to see your BF without arranging transport home for the DC in the first place.

Why can't you drive them home then go to your boyfriend's? A 17yo is perfectly capable of being in charge overnight.

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