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To find the article on the bbc website about 'single mums' offensive

(25 Posts)
angelcakerocks Mon 27-Mar-17 15:37:56

All this 'challenging the stigma' and 'single mums can actually be good parents' shock they don't all smoke in the park etc. Who knew hmm
What about the fathers who aren't pulling their weight? Where was/is the stigma about that? angry

PinkFlamingo545 Mon 27-Mar-17 15:41:32

Do you mean this?

Awwlookatmybabyspider Mon 27-Mar-17 15:41:46

Well exactly. Its always mum who gets the blame.
Whereas the men get a walk over
They're forced out to work, However the absent fathers are never forced to pay the upkeep for the child.

Reddingtonsmoll Mon 27-Mar-17 15:43:27

I'm not at all surprised. I've been a lone parent for over a decade. I earn a good salary. Own my own home. Well educated.never claimed benefits. His father ticks all of those boxes too but he also has practically zero relationship with his child. A little stigma attached to that would be my preference. It really enrages me reading the ridiculous stereotyping of single mothers.

PinkFlamingo545 Mon 27-Mar-17 15:47:23

To be honest I find this woman seeming to expect a pat on the back for doing something that millions of women are doing out there without a second thought

She admits to ''And I began to question everything I'd ever consumed about this subject.'' but only changed her mind when she was a single parent

I don't really care for her opinion to be honest, as unless she was a single parent, she would probably still be a dullard who believed in Vicky Pollard stereotypes

Hissy Mon 27-Mar-17 16:11:08

Well if one fellow woman learns not to look down her nose at those of us who are on our own and are doing our best then it's a result.

I was socially acceptable when I had my abusive arsehole ex. As soon as he'd gone, I was dropped from the friday girls pub nights.

They're all clearly terrified they'll "Catch the single-itus"

My family waited until he'd gone to stick the boot in too.

Still, all winds up right in the end, I only have amazing people in my life now, no family.

Some blokes are crap. What galls me more is the level of superhero status those blokes who do manage to take their kids out every so often, feed them on occasions and spend time with them... stuff we women do Day in, day out and still get judged as thick, loose, scummy or trashy.

oldestmumaintheworld Mon 27-Mar-17 16:22:04

I heard the piece on Womans Hour with Cherry Healey and found myself getting increasingly annoyed. Very few women become single parents from choice. It's usually because they've been stuck with a s**t who has decided he doesn't like being a parent because it interferes with his lifestyle and is either too lazy, too mean, or too nasty to change. Why not do an article/TV programme/radio show about that. Ask the question that really needs an answer "When will men realise that life has changed and we don't live in the 1950's any more."

Did anyone read the piece in the Saturday Times on the book "How to stop hating your husband"? The excuses of the husband in the article were pathetic. I wanted to give him a good kicking.

megletthesecond Mon 27-Mar-17 16:26:07

I liked it. Although I'm a single parent who does neglect her dc's in the park so I can do parkrun around it.

There does need to be a massive opinion swing against crap partners though. Half arsed parenting seems to be ok if your male.

WeiAnMeokEo Mon 27-Mar-17 16:44:26

Gah, I'm torn. My mum was a single parent and faced a ton of stigma, and a good friend has recently become a single parent and been shunned by idiot non-mutual mates. It maddens me that these stereotypes still exist with narry a thought for the absent fathers, but it'seems quite bravery of Cherry Healey to acknowledge her conscious and unconscious prejudices so publicly...

angelcakerocks Mon 27-Mar-17 17:06:39

thanks pinkflamingo for linking
I agree oldestmum
I don't know why they got someone who by her own admission was so prejudiced to do the article. Society hasn't judged my exh for buggering off without a backwards glance (not saying it should) so I'm sure that I don't want this sort of nonsense shoved in my face. I know the stigma still exists but I don't think this backwards article and the illustration they've used is the way to challenge it.

LevantineHummus Mon 27-Mar-17 20:51:33

I thought Cherry Healey was naive for having those stereotypes. But maybe it's me who is naive for thinking she (or anyone under the age of 40) wouldn't!

But I also wondered if it was more about her upbringing, because my mother was a single mother (DF buggered off and saw financial contribution as an unnecessary luxury items or his kids) and was very strong. I remember her saying people wouldn't invite her places because they thought she was after their husbands - although to be fair, she flirts for Europe and it's not subtle, so they may have had a point!

But it didn't occur to me that single mothers were anything other than strong, hard-working, decent people who were usually struggling financially, as that was what I saw.

If you grew up in Middle England, then I'm betting you'd not have even known someone like that. The only examples of single mothers would have been what your parents read about in the DM.

LevantineHummus Mon 27-Mar-17 20:52:13

*unnecessary luxury item for his kids

angelcakerocks Mon 27-Mar-17 21:06:42

I agree with you levantine I think that was one of my issues with it - that she was making out that her stereotypes were the norm whereas I didn't think people on the whole think that any more?

Boppity Mon 27-Mar-17 21:35:30

I wonder what happened with cherry healey posh husband Rolly?

I follow her on social media and she kept that split very quiet.

Her 2 kids are 8 & about 4 and she doesn't really work I wonder how she will afford to stay in expensive Hampstead where she lives.

But she did go to Beneden I think so maybe family money?

I wish famous women would be more honest. Rather than Instagram snaps a bit of life content too?

Boppity Mon 27-Mar-17 21:37:02

Also agree that cherry single mum opinions just reflect her upper class background

I'm middle class and no way on earth have those hideous opinions! And other mum's like me regularly help out a single mum with twins we know etc

Hissy Mon 27-Mar-17 21:47:14

It's not a class thing!

It's an ignorance thing!

There are plenty of people who are middle class, working class AND upper class who don't think single mums are the scum of the earth.

Sadly very few of them in parliament... or the press...

Notcontent Mon 27-Mar-17 22:01:59

I don't feel the stigma so much now - dd is 10 - but I really did when she was a baby and a toddler. I found myself alone when exh went off with someone (totally unexpected) and I felt really looked down upon, as though it was my fault. I was (and still am) a middle class, professional woman, working, etc. (not that it should matter) and yet I felt like a leper.

TitaniasCloset Mon 27-Mar-17 22:08:29

Today I'm particularly angry about all this. My ex was a violent bastard and his behavior really affected my kids. I like many many other women have been left to pick up the pieces and remained single as a result while he got to swan off and never contributed an effing thing
Yet as a single mum in social housing its always me that is judged. Makes me so angry.

user1487175389 Mon 27-Mar-17 22:17:27

I knew three single mothers growing up : my aunt who was never actually single - she brought home one grumpy beardy stepdad after another for my cousin. My neighbour who was a Vegan, worked with animals and got ill lots. And my brother's friend's mum, who drove a golf with a grill to put her dog, Boris, behind. She also became very ill but luckily survived. None of this matters, except for the that they all worked very hard and were my only childhood sp role models. They all seemed happier than my mum who was unhappily married to my dad.

AwaywiththePixies27 Mon 27-Mar-17 23:33:11

I remember her saying people wouldn't invite her places because they thought she was after their husbands - although to be fair, she flirts for Europe and it's not subtle, so they may have had a point!

Daft isn't it? I've been single almost six years. Most of my friends are married / have partners. It's not once crossed my mind with any of their DHs.

Mumoftwoyoungkids Mon 27-Mar-17 23:37:59

They've split up? Oh - that's sad. I remember watching their wedding.

AwaywiththePixies27 Mon 27-Mar-17 23:40:38

Her message that together is not always best for the child, even in such a challenging situation, was powerful

Agree with this, but I always marvel at why people need to talk to someone else to come up with this nugget.
DCs were often referenced as 'the kids from a broken home'. Yeah money's tight, on benefits through ill health, and the youngest having SN. But I hardly ever drink, and I dont smoke. However, I'm often of the opinion that Mr&Mrs Jones from five doors down who have stayed together for the sake of the kids, actually have more of a broken home then I do.

clumsyduck Mon 27-Mar-17 23:53:49

I read this
While I'm sure her heart is in the right place we really don't need her to come forward and be the voice of single mothers . Most of us do a perfectly fine job already ( I have a dp now but was on own for years ) the shock of it I had a job I studied etc etc .
Most normal people realise single mothers are just mothers doing their best regardless of relationship status

AwaywiththePixies27 Tue 28-Mar-17 00:54:19

clumsyduck my favourite is when people go "shock you went to uni? AND worked at X?".

Well yes, I hadn't always chosen being a struggling single parent with bad health as a viable career option hmm grin

Hissy Tue 28-Mar-17 07:04:25

Away there are many threads on here that talk about the "offers" newly single women get from their friend's husbands.

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