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To be furious ! And to ask how to respond to this email?

(203 Posts)
ApoplecticRage Mon 27-Mar-17 11:43:05

I'm NC with DH's sister and her husband - they have been vile to me in the past and can be openly rude and nasty.

I'm a sensitive person and against the brashness and entitled behaviour of DH's sister , I do not fare well and it makes me resentful and bitter of how they treat me - I've gone NC and I'm so much happier .

For context , I get on fabulously with other members of DH family including his parents and grandparents.

DH is well aware of my feelings and I've told him numerous times to ensure he facilitates contact with his niece (it was all done by me previously). He hasn't.

Yesterday was his niece's birthday. I've not seen DH's sister and her family for quite a while .

This morning I've received an email from DH sister asking why I forgot niece's birthday and says she was very upset (hard to believe as DH barely knows her ).

The email goes on to say how I am causing a rift in the family , how I make no effort with them and how it's impacting on the niece .

There was no mention of DH (her brother!) it was all my wrong doing.

It signs off with "please don't try to pass the buck on to (DH) - you know what men are like for dealing with these things!"

angry angry

DH is at work and I've text him asking if he sent a gift for neice - his reply :

"Oops I forgot - can you order something from Amazon?"

WIBU unreasonable to tell them both to get lost ?!

I thought I'd resolved the issue of everything being my fault when I went NC. hmm

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Mon 27-Mar-17 11:45:29

Tell your dh he is free to order whatever he wants. . But as you are nc and they are actually his family it's not your job.
And forward him the email.

TheHouseOfIllRepute Mon 27-Mar-17 11:46:36

Ignore the email, not your problem
Let dh buy and deliver a present if he chooses to do so. Don't get drawn in

histinyhandsarefrozen Mon 27-Mar-17 11:47:03

My God, she's a loon.

I wouldn't reply. She won't hear anything you say. Put it in junk mail and forget all about it.

CitySnicker Mon 27-Mar-17 11:47:41

Husband: ....just forget... then remind him when he gets home
SIL: ...ignore...don't feed the fire

lalalalyra Mon 27-Mar-17 11:47:43

It's not passing the buck to expect your DH to sort a gift for his niece if he wants her to have one. Single men who want to send gifts manage perfectly well... the only men who are "like this" with gifts are men who either think it's wife work or don't give a shit about gifting.

DartmoorDoughnut Mon 27-Mar-17 11:47:57

YANBU at all!! Tell DH to sort it out.

TheWitTank Mon 27-Mar-17 11:47:59

No DH, you can order something and sort it out with your sister.
Block her or send a short email back with your DH email address and then block her.

chitofftheshovel Mon 27-Mar-17 11:48:04

That is shit!

I know it's really difficult but I would completely ignore the e mail. She is looking for a drama, just don't feed into it.

And yes, tell your husband where to go in no uncertain terms.

Morphene Mon 27-Mar-17 11:48:39

reply to the email saying 'I think you meant to send this to your brother' and copy in your DH.

RatherBeRiding Mon 27-Mar-17 11:48:50

Wow - what a nasty cow, not surprised you're NC with her. I think I would keep my reply short and simple "Your brother, your problem!".

And definitely forward the email to your DH and tell him to order something from Amazon and to keep you out of it!

TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder Mon 27-Mar-17 11:49:01

She sounds delightful! Totally ignore the email. Forward it to DH and tell him that it's his to deal with however he sees fit (or not). Then don't give it another thought. Tell him that you won't be shopping for presents for people you don't speak with so he needs to take responsibility for this completely. Then just crack on with your day and let him handle it.

alltouchedout Mon 27-Mar-17 11:49:24

I'd just text back to DH "no".

And I'd forward him the email and respond just to say "I have forwarded this to DH to deal with- despite what you may think, I believe men are quite capable of remembering their relative's birthdays and planning accordingly".

I can see why you're NC.

ChicRock Mon 27-Mar-17 11:50:56

I would simply reply to her, copying in DH and state "I've copied this email to DH to deal with, don't contact me again".

ApoplecticRage Mon 27-Mar-17 11:51:31

I've typed up a long reply and then deleted it !

I'll forward it to DH but he is so weak , he will agree it's uncalled for and then forget about it !

LaContessaDiPlump Mon 27-Mar-17 11:52:36

Wow - what a nasty cow, not surprised you're NC with her. I think I would keep my reply short and simple "Your brother, your problem!".

This. CC him in, too.

QueenofallIsee Mon 27-Mar-17 11:52:59


Forward the email to your husband. remind him that this is his issue to sort and move on. This is why you are NC, isn't it great that you don't have to deal with her!

If your DH opts to be a wet lettuce then just remember that it doesn;t matter a JOT what his poisonous sister says or thinks

ChicRock Mon 27-Mar-17 11:54:43

Your DH sounds utterly pathetic, direct all your fury towards him and just block his sisters email address.

histinyhandsarefrozen Mon 27-Mar-17 11:54:57

Don't do a long reply. It will look like you care.

Either ignore or just copy her in and forward to DH with a cutting one-liner. Something like: 'Here. Your sister thinks you are an incompetent twat'.

ApoplecticRage Mon 27-Mar-17 11:55:11

This is part of the reason I got so sucked in in the past trying to please them - I wanted them to like me - it always back fired.

I try not to give a crock what they think of me , but this has stung a bit .

I need to calm down , ignore and carry on with my day .

deep breaths

HerOtherHalf Mon 27-Mar-17 11:55:17

I wouldn't reply to her at all. Mention it to your DH and make it clear it's entirely his responsibility to sort out a present for HIS niece, or not.

You need to protect yourself emotionally from her attempts at shit stirring and the best way to do that is to completely ignore her. Set up a rule in your email to auto-delete any future mails from her and then forget she exists.

ApoplecticRage Mon 27-Mar-17 11:56:07

histinyhands I do like that idea grin

HecateAntaia Mon 27-Mar-17 11:56:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fruitbrewhaha Mon 27-Mar-17 11:56:40

This would really give me the rage angry.
Which is why she has done it.
As others have said the best thing is to ignore ignore ignore.
Your DH needs to sort out a present and tell his sister not to involve you in his mistake.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat Mon 27-Mar-17 11:57:27

Wow, they all sound sexist. I suppose the fact that the sister has contacted you at all might be seen as an attempt to reestablish contact?

Maybe reply frankly and say you didn't think she wanted you involved in their lives so you reminded your DH about the birthday and left him to it. Tell her if she is offering an olive branch of course you too would like things to work out well for everyone and are willing to make a new effort at a positive relationship.

Add that whatever happens you expect DH to do his share of birthday present remembering and buying and while you do want s good relationship with her this ball is firmly in his court. We all have smart phones now...

Then tell DH to stop being a wanker and get on the phone to his sister and tell her it's entirely his fault, he knew what to do and he didn't do it.

Then go have a bath and a glass of wine.

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