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Fallen out with family over dd party

(101 Posts)
mum19821985 Mon 27-Mar-17 10:14:05

Hi, I'm looking for some advice please! Recently I had a party for DD's 6th birthday. We hired a small venue and invited her classmates. A few days before the party DH asked if I had invited his sister and brother in law and their new baby (we also have a new baby). I was about to invite them but put it to the back of my mind as I spent the next few days chasing up RSVPs, putting together party bags and organising the cake. Day of the party arrived and mil wondered where they were, she asked if I had invited them..I panicked and said that I had! I feel awful! Now bro-in-law has deleted us on Facebook and has cut all contact. Tbh it was DD's class party and I wouldn't have throught to invite them anyway. We had her friends and the grandparents and that was it. I feel it's a big over reaction on their part but I feel awful that I panicked and said I sent the invite! 🙁

Purplefrogshoes Mon 27-Mar-17 10:16:14

Why didn't DH invite them? If it was a class party I wouldn't have invited them

PeaFaceMcgee Mon 27-Mar-17 10:18:58

It wasn't a class party if the grandparents were there, and you know you made a mistake otherwise you wouldn't have lied. You both need to apologise and explain yourself as you've done on here.

MarklahMarklah Mon 27-Mar-17 10:19:24

Seems to be a big fuss about a child's party.
Only you know you didn't send out the invite, so as far as anyone else knows, it was lost in the post.
If DH was that concerned about inviting his sister and her family then surely he could have sent out the invite/phoned her to ask her to come?
Deleting from facebook sounds rather diva-esque to me.

HecateAntaia Mon 27-Mar-17 10:21:48

you shouldnt have lied
but also is your husband incapable of talking to his sister? he should have been participating.

apologise

make lists next time that both of you work from!

Universitychallenging Mon 27-Mar-17 10:23:19

You shouldn't have lied.

Your husband should have asked his sister himself.

QueenofallIsee Mon 27-Mar-17 10:24:35

Classic 'wife work' thing - its not your job by virture of your ovaries to deal with all family shite.

You ballsed up but your BIL sounds like a shit. Let your DH deal with it

mum19821985 Mon 27-Mar-17 10:28:41

I agree that DH should have invited them if he thought it that important. I organised the whole party on my own which was hard with with a baby to look after!

mum19821985 Mon 27-Mar-17 10:30:51

This sort of thing has happened before. DD has a performance or play etc. I invite my folks, day arrives and DH says his mum is in a strop as she didn't get an invite from me. I don't know why he can't just invite his own mum!

CoraPirbright Mon 27-Mar-17 10:33:36

Ok, its a bit of a cock-up but who the hell goes NC over an oversight re party invitations? It's not as if it was a wedding anniversary for their parents and all the family were going to be there! It was a butt-load of sugared up 6 yr olds careering around a village hall!! Frankly most people would pay good money not to have to go!! Ridiculous overreaction on their part.

WarwickDavisAsPlates Mon 27-Mar-17 10:35:55

DH's family = DH's problem.

Ideally when he asked if you'd invited SIL and BIL and you said no he'd have just gone and done it himself. It's not up to you to do all the communicating between your family and the in laws surely?

Also if you hadn't had lied you could have just said "I thought DH had done it" or something,

But it's fine now. They can't prove that you didn't send an invite that got lost. I say, stand by the lie! If you're desperate to reconcile things (they sound like drama queens so can't see why you'd be that bothered) you could wait a few days and send a text along the lines of "omg, you won't believe it, I just found your invite to DDs party in the bottom of my handbag/ in the car/ in the bin. How silly of me, i was so sure I'd sent it. Blah blah blah"

Oldraver Mon 27-Mar-17 10:43:22

I would just leave it. If thye are petty enough to delete you over something as silly as this then I would be glad of not having contact with such drama llamas.

Your DH needed to invite them IMO, dont let the blame fall on you

PinkFlamingo545 Mon 27-Mar-17 10:44:36

This sort of thing has happened before. DD has a performance or play etc. I invite my folks, day arrives and DH says his mum is in a strop as she didn't get an invite from me. I don't know why he can't just invite his own mum!

I think his mum probably feels left out by you, as you seem to be deliberately creating a 'them, and us' situation with his family and yours.

You invite yours and ignore his and leave to him - normally if you are organising a party, you ORGANISE it, working on the guest list and sending out invites is like, erm, number ONE priority.

Not inviting a close family member then lying about it and faking innocence, is hugely passive aggressive - surely you must see this?

mum19821985 Mon 27-Mar-17 10:46:20

Ha ha yes that's a good idea! It's such a dramatic over-reaction and upsetting as we have babies around the same age. It was a very small private venue with a maximum capacity, few chairs etc. It was rammed. DD just wanted her friends there, had a whale of a time and wouldn't have wanted babies there anyway.

mum19821985 Mon 27-Mar-17 10:50:11

I don't see this as passive aggressive. It was my daughters class party for her school friends. The invites were sent to her friends as priority.

YogaDrone Mon 27-Mar-17 10:50:32

I would text the BIL and apologise for the oversight. Leave it at that.

The important thing is that you need to make it clear to your DH that it is his responsibility to invite his family to events he wants them to attend in future and that you will not be issuing invites anymore.

NoSquirrels Mon 27-Mar-17 10:52:03

When your DH asked if you'd invited them, that was the point to say "No, if you'd like to could you get in touch with them?" and left him to it.

But really, forget about it, inthe grand scheme of things it's not big deal really. Invite them out to soft play or lunch or something and try to move on. Send an email saying "miscommunication between DH and me, he thought I'd invited you, I thought he'd posted the invite" and leave it at that if absolutely need be.

I am lucky that none of the GPs fancy class parties of small children, having served their time in the trenches already. Family tea party with GPs and other relatives, class party strictly school mates only!

AlexanderHamilton Mon 27-Mar-17 10:52:11

Why on earth would you invite them to a class party? I can understand grandparents (extra pairs of hands to help supervise) but really!

Allthewaves Mon 27-Mar-17 10:52:49

Go and apologise. It's pretty awful u invited your parents and not dh parents to childens performance

mum19821985 Mon 27-Mar-17 10:53:12

They were not on the guest list, it was a small party for her friends only. As stated in the original post DH asked me to invite them a few days before.

jay55 Mon 27-Mar-17 10:54:30

I can't imagine why anyone would want to go to a party full of 6year olds. Let alone get the hump over it.
Sounds like your forgetfulness has saved you from a bunch of future drama.

mum19821985 Mon 27-Mar-17 10:54:43

Allthewaves it was a class party that dh's sister and brother hadn't been invited to.

Timeforteaplease Mon 27-Mar-17 10:55:57

Your DH needs to sort this out, not you.

HeyRoly Mon 27-Mar-17 10:56:03

No way would I think to invite an auntie and uncle to a class party. Nor would I expect them to want to go!

golfbuggy Mon 27-Mar-17 10:57:29

I wouldn't cut contact with someone over accidently not inviting me to a party - if they rang and apologized profusely.

I would be decidedly put out by the person lying that they had in fact invited me (which makes me look like the bad guy for not turning up).

Sounds like OP handled this very badly.

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