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To not apologise to a mum at school

(231 Posts)
Generallyok Mon 27-Mar-17 09:57:47

Dd 's teacher approached me this morning at school and asked to have a quick word. Dd is 7. She told me that a parent in my daughters class had complained that their daughter had come home from school and used the one finger sign. Apparently my daughter taught it to her! I'm not that surprised as she has 2 older brothers and although we don't tolerate rudeness kids will be kids. The parent was waiting close by to see my reaction and approached us to join in conversation. The teacher said she asked my daughter if she had use this sign and she admitted she had but her brother had told her it was rude and she shouldn't do it any more. I think the parent was wanting for an apology but I'm afraid I said that I will make sure she knows it's rude but these things happen. I'm really annoyed that this parent has complained as a child in an older class taught my dd the c word when she was in reception but it certainly never crossed my mind to complain. AIBU?

DementedUnicorn Mon 27-Mar-17 09:59:21


RainbowPastel Mon 27-Mar-17 10:00:59

Of course you are being unreasonable. You should have apologised for your childs rude behaviour. It doesn't matter where she learned it from.

Railgunner1 Mon 27-Mar-17 10:01:16

Children catch, not "study" those things

lemontoast Mon 27-Mar-17 10:02:04

I definitely wouldn't apologise to the Mother...but l'd talk to my children about the sign.
Your daughter is seven. Although these things happen, one can't be blind to just how horrible that must have looked.
I still have sympathy for you however, as l have a little girl with two much older brothers!

Sirzy Mon 27-Mar-17 10:02:11

Of course you are being unreasonable, and with your attitude it's no wonder she thinks it's acceptable behaviour

Generallyok Mon 27-Mar-17 10:03:18

Thank you appreciate your comments. The child in question has been to my house for tea and was quite cheeky and certainly no angel. Just not sure why the parent couldn't talk to me rather than complain to the teacher ....

SaudadeObama Mon 27-Mar-17 10:03:42

Your daughter should apologise not you. I'd be having a word with your son's as well, as the mother of two teens and two primary children I don't tolerate "teaching" things they know are inappropriate, they have older siblings line is often peddled out as an excuse. If they're 2 or 3 years older ok, but much older then they should know better.

isupposeitsverynice Mon 27-Mar-17 10:04:39

Really? Seems like an overreaction to me. One little shite in ds' class went through a phase of calling him a dick at 7 or 8. I didn't go crying to the teacher about just told ds the other boy was a prat and to be ignored. I wouldn't have apologised for that either tbh she could just have easily picked it up in the playground.

Generallyok Mon 27-Mar-17 10:05:14

No only 3 years older

TheStoic Mon 27-Mar-17 10:06:32

Some parents have too much time on their hands.

claraschu Mon 27-Mar-17 10:07:54

The mother sounds annoying, and I agree that this is an absurd thing to complain about to the teacher.

However, it is easy and nice to apologise, so I would have done that. I don't think you lose anything by apologising on behalf of your daughter in this case.

MoonfaceAndSilky Mon 27-Mar-17 10:08:51

I think the parent was wanting for an apology but I'm afraid I said that I will make sure she knows it's rude but these things happen.

Why wouldn't you apologise? Just a little 'oh sorry about that'. It was your child that was wrong.

WindyBottoms Mon 27-Mar-17 10:09:35

"Just not sure why the parent couldn't talk to me rather than complain to the teacher ...."

At our school it's made very clear that parents shouldn't approach other parents about issues in school. Any concerns are to be discussed with the teachers.

I don't think the mother was right to join in with the teacher's conversation with you though. She'd had her say already and should have left it to the teacher to deal with things.

BoomBoomsCousin Mon 27-Mar-17 10:09:39

I think the apology is neither hear nor there. I would have said sorry as a bit of social grease, but it wouldn't have really meant anything. It's the explaining it's rude to DD that's the important bit. I don't think going through the school is a terrible thing though, I presume the teacher wants an idea of whats going on in her class.

Sirzy Mon 27-Mar-17 10:10:40

I also wouldn't accept that behaviour from a 10 year old!

FourForYouGlenCoco Mon 27-Mar-17 10:12:19

I get where you're coming from, but I think YAB a bit U. Wouldnt have done any harm to apologise even if you didn't really mean it.
And I'm really not one to overreact, but if someone taught my 4yo the word 'cunt' I'd be absolutely fucking livid. You were BU not to complain about that!

MadameCholetsDirtySecret Mon 27-Mar-17 10:12:36

Why should you (not the signer) apologise to her (not the signee) ? Yes, tell your daughter it isn't ok and she should apologise to her friend, but anything else is ridiculous.

Generallyok Mon 27-Mar-17 10:12:38

I my defence people and teachers have always told me my dd has lovely manners so it is a bit out of character. I just feel hurt that the parent has complained. The teacher even said are you sure to the parent as I can't believe dd would do that.

BagittoGo Mon 27-Mar-17 10:13:32

Based on what you've said here then as a parent I wouldn't approach you. You sound aggressive.

JennyOnAPlate Mon 27-Mar-17 10:14:08


My 9 year old has been taught every swear word there is by a couple of boys in her class this year. It hasn't occurred to me to complain.

They're going to learn this stuff at some point aren't they? They do need to be taught that it's rude and not to be used though, so your dd should probably apologise.

HateSummer Mon 27-Mar-17 10:16:00

Overreaction on the parent's and teacher's part too. If the parent thinks their child has been taught this and is now sullied for life, then they need a wake up call. It's a little gesture...even my 5 year old knows it. We talk to one another and they know it's not something they should do. The teacher shouldn't have brought it up with you imo, unless your child is doing it over and over again. There's far worse to come.

Generallyok Mon 27-Mar-17 10:16:01

No definitly never aggressive, it's s joke with my friends and family as the first sign of an argument and I cry. I hate confrontation which is why I post on hear

MistressMerryWeather Mon 27-Mar-17 10:17:55

In what way does OP sound aggressive? confused

GwenStaceyRocks Mon 27-Mar-17 10:19:12

tbh you sound defensive. It doesn't matter if your child has 'lovely manners' if at the same time your older DCs have shown your DD rude signs and she is using them at school. You should have apologised.
I feel sorry for the other parent. The teacher tried to deflect her complaint by saying they couldn't believe your DC would do it and then when the teacher did finally speak to you, you failed to apologise. It seems both yourself and the teacher have rather rose-tinted glasses when it comes to your DD.

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