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Is the 'sisterhood' a myth?

(36 Posts)
FairytalesAreBullshit Mon 27-Mar-17 08:10:07

I read posts on here from women, or people who identify as female parents or just females, if their valid viewpoint, which they are entitled to as a human being, is disagreed with, it opens them up to all sorts of vitriol.

2 posts yesterday, one about parenting and dating with an infant, another those who had been knocked slightly by what they experienced on Mothers Day.

In particular, you had people going, 'Oh it's only a bloody Clintons Card day, why do you need validation on this day in specific, when parenting is much more.' Which is a valid view point. I offered the fact that when Mothering Sunday falls has little do to with the card and gift industry, stating the theological relevance, I got a 'hilarious' response back, put the bottle down love, it's not long past 12PM.

I know AIBU is a pit for those wanting to abuse others in such a way. There's offering a viewpoint, then there's being rather unpleasant at someone's expense. You wouldn't want either sex of child to behave in such a manner. What is it about certain boards that open people up for such comments?

I always add after stating a viewpoint that this is solely what I believe, it has no bearing on the validity of what others believe. A statement I hope awakens people to the fact we can all believe in different things, like fairies, or religion, politics, etc. I don't believe one persons beliefs outweighs another's.

If you take that away from feminism and apply it to humanity in general. In a discussion with a friend, they may state something outrageous they believe to be true, like fairies, you can offer an alternative view point without getting so personal.

You see it in lots of places, where the notion of 'the sisterhood' is mentioned. I wonder how many, that attribute themselves to holding feminist values, also think I can have a laugh at someone else's expense. Doesn't that go against the concept?

ExitPursuedByUser54321 Mon 27-Mar-17 08:12:48

I don't believe in the sisterhood.

MorrisZapp Mon 27-Mar-17 08:13:44

I'm sorry you felt attacked but feminism isn't about agreeing with women. This board allows for vigorous, even visceral debate and being female is no barrier to stating one's views.

elQuintoConyo Mon 27-Mar-17 08:13:59

Of course it is a myth. 'I must be nice to you because we both have lady parts' is cobblers.

People are people. A pillock is a pillock.

Plus this is the internet and people can anonymoysly be rather cunty and get away with it.

elQuintoConyo Mon 27-Mar-17 08:14:46

Not even the 'Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants' Exit ? shock

theonlygeorgie Mon 27-Mar-17 08:15:58

You've echoed exactly what I've been thinking about Mumsnet. Just full of vitriol and nasty people who think it's OK to be rude to someone just because it's through the internet.

I agree, what happened to the 'sisterhood'? Aren't we all in this together, experiencing (mostly) the same sort of stuff? Why can't we just be understanding and friendly and lend an ear, instead of highly strung opinionated attitudes?

highinthesky Mon 27-Mar-17 08:18:38

People have different views and values, shaped by their experiences. Unfortunately this variation is also reflected in board etiquette.

I agree that there'd no need to be so personal but everyone's threshold for appropriate comment is different. Sisters can be the biggest bitches (my RL DSis being a case in point). You have to feel sorry for the next generation sometimes.

SookiesSocks Mon 27-Mar-17 08:20:42

No i dont believe in the sisterhood.

I am sorry you came across a bit of a git but that happens on an open forum, lots of different people some nice some not.

There are plenty of posters I share similar views with but not on all topics.
Being female does not mean we think as one.

You need to be realistic OP. Not everyone is nice.

RhodaBull Mon 27-Mar-17 08:22:45

It is completely daft to have to agree with someone just because they are the same sex (or identify as the same sex!).

Do you always agree with your female UKIP members, female terrorists - hell, even your mil , just because they are women?

In real life I often offer a sympathetic nod when inwardly I'm thinking they're idiotic/wrong/offensive, but MN would be a dull old place if there was just a "nod" emoticon and feisty debate was considered unsupportive.

elQuintoConyo Mon 27-Mar-17 08:22:53

Sisterhood, or the idea of sisterhood, is just another plank with which to bash women. How dare we be mean to each other. How dare we have differing opinions. How dare we judge.

I don't treat men as lesser. I don't feel a special bond with women just because I am one.

It's all a but bizarre to me, in all honesty. Great for selling shit rom-coms written by men.

countrygirl55 Mon 27-Mar-17 08:23:04

It probably is, tbh. I don't feel any obligation or inclination to be one anyone's side or share their feelings simply because we have genitalia in common. I like you, or I don't. I agree with you, or I don't. Man/woman/straight/gay/black/white/religious/non. How vociferously I voice these things depends on my mood, how my day's been, my bias, etc.

Is it more honest to voice your feelings instead of blindly backing someone because of some misguided gender-loyalty?

Yes, there's a way of voicing these things and I would hope I try and remember that I don't know what baggage someone carries before giving both barrels, but it happens. We're all fallible.

Knifegrinder Mon 27-Mar-17 08:29:00

I'm sorry you felt attacked but feminism isn't about agreeing with women. This board allows for vigorous, even visceral debate and being female is no barrier to stating one's views.

This, exactly. I think you're confusing the kind of slightly wishy-washy niceness many women are still socialised into with 'sisterhood'. Which can, and does involve confrontation, disagreement and robust argument.

Trainspotting1984 Mon 27-Mar-17 08:30:05

I think you raise some good points but maybe it's a bit black and white? Sisterhood doesn't mean supporting women regardless. If a woman's being an idiot it doesn't mean you dont call her out.

For example I try and offer lots of flexibility in the work place to keep women who would otherwise struggle to be there due to childcare. I wouldn't be offering that to poor performers or piss takers.

I've also always understood sisterhood to be about women you know and love not strangers.

shovetheholly Mon 27-Mar-17 08:30:12

I don't think the OP is asking everyone to agree. She's talking about the way in which we disagree.

There IS definitely a thing on Mumsnet of one-upmanship, and the faultline is often taste and class. It goes like this

OP: Red shoes are the most middle class!
Poster 1: YABU. Red shoes are totally nouveau riche. Classy people wear green shoes, slightly scuffed. Get over yourself.
Poster 2: I think you'll find it's red SOLES that are middle class.
Poster 3: Meh, not really. I know the Queen and she prefers yellow shoes.
Poster 4: I once ate the entirety of Debretts, page by page, and there was no taste of red shoes.
Poster 5: I have an income of £500,000,000 and I have 3 pairs of red shoes. Mind you, I have 27,000 pairs in black.
Poster 6: YABU. OP, you only need one pair of shoes, bought second-hand from Oxfam, and they can last 27 years if you just care for them well enough. Anyone with more pairs is horribly consumerist.
Poster 7: Don't buy leather shoes! They are evil!
Poster 8: My DH once hit me with a pair of red shoes.
etc. etc. etc.

SallyInSweden Mon 27-Mar-17 08:37:16

I agree with Trainspotting, particularly professionally, I will always try to look after Sisters if I can, but definitely no pisstakers.

Disagreeing with someone is OK.

Lingotria Mon 27-Mar-17 09:08:38

A sisterhood is a support network and a safe place to air our your problems without being judged too harshly. It's not a blindly agreeing to everything network - if you want that then just talk to yourself?

Rubix77 Mon 27-Mar-17 09:15:55

In some cases I think I have felt more harshly judged /treated by women in the past with a certain element of it was bloody hard for me so even though times have moved on now and women are accepted in this role I'm going to personally make it bloody hard for you.

I don't really know why they would do this except out of spite.

FlyingElbows Mon 27-Mar-17 09:59:18

I was perhaps a bit sharp on one-off tge mothers' day threads yesterday. Not because I am a vitriolic nasty who enjoys upsetting people but because (as a holder of feminist values) I am sick to the back teeth of women accepting shit in their lives as an ineviatability and then bleating like they're helpless victims of just about everything. Women should not be passive observers of a life which just happens to them. The "sisterhood" is a load of bum and I'm not going to agree with someone and fawn and "hun" just because we both have fannies! I hold my feminist principles dear but I am also at odds with the feminist principles of others. To quote a mn favourite "we are not a hive mind".

BorpBorpBorp Mon 27-Mar-17 10:09:41

The 'sisterhood' is about standing in solidarity with all women in the face of oppression, not about agreeing with everything another woman says or always being nice to them.

VladmirsPoutine Mon 27-Mar-17 10:28:28

shove That gave me a good laugh! grin

theonlygeorgie Mon 27-Mar-17 10:30:52

Of course it's fine to disagree with people, to debate, to help them consider another point of view... but not to berate, ridicule or make assumptions, or to tell the person that "they don't even believe it's real" - the latter is something I've seen several times in the last week, and the former are rife on MN.

It's just sad, that's all. Instead of providing support many are too busy tearing people to shreds.

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer Mon 27-Mar-17 10:39:59

No such thing as sisterhood

Loads of people on here say they are not feminists

There are loads of lovely people on here, loads of occasional (having a bad day, emotive topic) gits and a few full out doesnt matter the subject scumbags

TrollTheRespawnJeremy Mon 27-Mar-17 10:46:05

The sisterhood is an absolute myth. And so it should be - I am not going agree with somebody just because they have a vagina.

HecateAntaia Mon 27-Mar-17 10:46:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

alltouchedout Mon 27-Mar-17 10:48:12

The sisterhood is a myth. And even if it weren't, I can think of better reasons for a sisterhood to come together than some people whining about not getting what they wanted on "Mother's Day".

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