Advanced search

Aibu to continue the way I am? (re: unprotected sex)

(40 Posts)
Namesame Sun 26-Mar-17 17:21:51

Hello, I'm a bit of a mess, I've had a very cry-ey weekend and am due af in two days.
So, DP and I are financially comfortable, happy etc and all is going well. I've been off the pill for just over two years (although we haven't told anyone, and good job really because nothing's happening), and had my first investigations around 14 months ago, during my first investigations BIL announces at dps 35th birthday he's accidentally knocked up his girlfriend (who he's only been seeing for three months! 😩), then six months later SIL is pregnant with a random barmans baby, after not having sex for a year, and now today at Mother's Day lunch baby SIL has announced she's expecting twins, (she's at vi form college and wasnt trying).
Don't get me wrong I'm so pleased for them all, but, upon this news all two dozen family members shifted their gaze from baby sil to us, and we were bombarded by a range of "why aren't you doing it" "you'd better hurry up" "dp's name, I really thought because you were the eldest you'd have brought me a gc first" and then we got,
"Don't you two even think about having a baby, their won't be room at Christmas dinner with twins"
"If you two have one I'm not sure we'll care that much, we will be all babied out" and "next time we see name she'll be pregnant, and it'll be like a game of copycats"

It was these last ones that got to me, I'm really emotional

Namesame Sun 26-Mar-17 17:23:38

Sorry meant to preview, I meant I'm really emotional as it is and I'm worried dps family will think we're jumping on a bandwagon as it were, and so won't be supportive.

Also was meant to add, namecjange as could potentially be quite outing.

But aibu to carry on as we were even if every man and their dog is pregnant?

splendide Sun 26-Mar-17 17:23:43

So you're asking if you're being unreasonable to continue to TTC notwithstanding potential christmas overcrowding?


Trills Sun 26-Mar-17 17:25:25

You're pleased for them all?

I would be more inclined to be horrified.
Pregnant by someone you've been seeing only 3 months?
Pregnant by " a random barman"?
Pregnant accidentally with twins in sixth form?

Trills Sun 26-Mar-17 17:26:46

Your DP's family sound intrusive - both "hurry up and have a baby" and "don't have a baby we have too many already" are very rude.

NotInMyBackYard1 Sun 26-Mar-17 17:31:31

Have you not shared with family that you have been hoping to conceive for the last 2 years? They will have no idea judging by the litany of comments you mentioned above - perhaps share that info amongst your inlaws and hopefully that will put a stop to any further questioning.

Namesame Sun 26-Mar-17 17:33:20

trills of course I am pleased, I am sort of forcing myself to be, I mean I don't want to be bitter,

I don't understand what they want us to do it was very stressful as we do feel like we're running behind schedule a bit sometimes, with all our friends /family on their 2nd or third accidental baby!

Universitychallenging Sun 26-Mar-17 17:34:34

Pregnant accidentally wth twins in sixth form? She's going to have her hands full.

reallyanotherone Sun 26-Mar-17 17:37:06

They're arseholes.

Distance yourself and focus on you and your life.

Namesame Sun 26-Mar-17 17:37:59

Isn't she just university I'm sure she'll be amazing, she's going to be almost twenty or twenty when they're due though, as she's in her third year at sixth form now due to resits, and her boyfriend is 24 and in a management role, so I'm sure she'll flourish!

Gingerbreadmam Sun 26-Mar-17 17:38:34

yanbu. if you are ttc carry on doing so. it doesnt really matter what anybody else thing.

I understand though. I have had numerous pregnancies but no live dc and i constantly worry about who is going to be next and beat me to having a baby AGAIN

llhj Sun 26-Mar-17 17:38:44

Twins in 6th form?
Pregnant from a one night stand?
They sound a classy bunch. Bizarre it's all in the same year. Just go and see a doctor and focus on yourself.

gincamelbak Sun 26-Mar-17 17:45:49

His family need to learn about contraception, not condescension. Poor you OP, it's horrible having the "hurry up" comments when things are a struggle, never mind the comments about copycat ting.

Keep on keeping on, I hope you have good news of your own soon.

Namesame Sun 26-Mar-17 17:46:04

ginger I'm so sorry, I've not had a miscarriage, but I must say the Chem I had, The day Bil told us they were expecting that really fucking killed me. 😭

Hand hold and flowers for you!

Gingerbreadmam Sun 26-Mar-17 17:50:44

im striking up one of everything. early mmc. stillbirth. second trimester mmc. All losses hurt probably even more so when some people have it easy.

As other posters have said, pursue your gp and hopefully your journey will have a happy ending sometime soon.

thank you flowers

MrsHandles Sun 26-Mar-17 17:55:17

Oh you poor thing, it is awful when people expect you to follow 'the rules'. Don't tell them anything, just smile politely and then cry as much as you like. It's so painful seeing people close to you get exactly what you desire only for them to claim, 'Oh it was an accident/only happened once/still don't know if we want kids' and a piece of you dies. Handholding and a big unMNetty hug flowers

UnbornMortificado Sun 26-Mar-17 17:58:15

It's really hard when your trying unsuccessfully and hear baby news. Hope your ok flowers

Universitychallenging Sun 26-Mar-17 18:01:03

Oh poor you. A chem (ical pregnancy?) in the middle of your investigations and on the day your BIL told you he had got his girlfriend of only 3 months pregnant.

That's such a lot to cope with.

dontbesillyhenry Sun 26-Mar-17 18:03:18

Eh??? Even if she had to stay on 2 more years she would still be leaving sixth form aged twenty

SookiesSocks Sun 26-Mar-17 18:04:02

What right do any of you have to slag off this family! ( not you OP)

You dont know them. Lots of pregnacies are unplanned it does not mean the mothers are or fathers are bad people or scum and I doubt the SIL planned on twins shock.
For a parenting forum you should be damn well ashamed.

OP its a heartbreaking position you are in but please dont think they got pregnant just to hurt you. As you say they dont know you are trying so are not being tactless on purpose.
You sound lovely and supportive of your family. Please dont listen to the bitter gobshites on here who are calling your family names. Best to paint a smile on and cry later flowers

katseyes7 Sun 26-Mar-17 18:16:16

We planned not to have children from before we got engaged. But l still found the "no family yet?" questions from people l barely knew intrusive and rude. For all they knew we could have been desperate for a baby, which makes it even more rude.
People have no idea of your circumstances. And it's actually none of their business, but unfortunately that doesn't stop them. l'm so sorry to hear what you're going through, l don't know what else to say. hugs

Namesame Sun 26-Mar-17 18:16:48

Thanks sookie they're not a bad bunch just a lot to deal with and they were I felt quite mean earlier!
dont I'm not sure why you're confused, baby sil has an early sept birthday and is in her third year at sixth form, she's nineteen now, so within days of starting sixth form she was seventeen, but changed her courses or resat, so started year one again just before her eighteenth birthday, that was sept 2015 she's doing one of those btec things so she will hand in her final portfolio in may and will be 20 this September, I'm assuming she's due any time between late summer and Christmas, but I had to pop to the loo to avoid crying! Xx

Namesame Sun 26-Mar-17 18:18:14

Thank you all for all your support I just feel so alone and lost and desperate

Although dp is great
minus his inibility to empty the bathroom bin at the moment, or rinse out the shower grin

VestalVirgin Sun 26-Mar-17 18:26:30


People have babies. It happens. Accusing you of "copying" them by having a baby "too" is like accusing someone of copying someone's genius new invention of ... sitting on chairs.

Seriously. Ignore them all. The only thing that matters is whether you are able to adequately take care of a child.

Potential overcrowding at Christmas dinners has nothing to do with it! (And considering how "pleasant" they are, I'd be quite happy to celebrate Christmas with nicer people instead.)

Knifegrinder Sun 26-Mar-17 18:34:16

OP, surely you aren't actually asking whether you are unreasonable to continue trying to conceive a much-wanted baby because (a) your extended family seem to be having a competition involving unplanned conception in sub-ideal conditions and (b) they are suggesting your baby will be less special because it will be a 'copycat' baby?

I don't think that is what you're asking. They sound tactless and nosy with the intrusive questioning -- surely anyone with two functioning brain cells is able to compute that sometimes it's not that having a baby hasn't occurred to someone? You have every right to stick all their faces on a dartboard and pound away. And no, you absolutely don't have to tell them you're trying to conceive. I can't imagine a more effective way of depressing my sex drive. Best wishes.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: