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To feel sad that I am probably not going to be a mum?

(181 Posts)
lottielonsdale Sun 26-Mar-17 16:45:53

Am 38. Mr Right has evaded me.

I know - I could, possibly, do it alone but I still feel I'd miss out hugely. Feeling sad and like I've been a bit cheated stupid I know

I know it's a self pitying post!

Crowdblundering Sun 26-Mar-17 16:48:21

Halve you thought about becoming a foster career?

I know it's not for everyone but it's pretty rewarding.

And you never know - Mr Right might be just around the corner - friend of mine was in this exact same position 2 years ago, she met Mr Right online a year ago and she's turned 40 and they have just moved in together and are trying for a baby smile

Life can change like the wind.

Crowdblundering Sun 26-Mar-17 16:48:36


BubbleBed Sun 26-Mar-17 16:49:12

My friend is having her first baby at 43. It can happen.

MrsTwix Sun 26-Mar-17 16:49:46


PiazzaDelPoppolo Sun 26-Mar-17 16:51:46

Exactly the same situation for me OP. I turned 38 in December. I've not quite given up hope yet. flowers for you today

afinetoothcomb Sun 26-Mar-17 16:52:18

I met my DD's dad when I was 38. It happens. My DB and DSIL were together for 17 years before she fell pregnant at 38. Don't stress or worry. It can still happen 😀😀

BillSykesDog Sun 26-Mar-17 16:53:06

No of course not. I had my children through fertility treatment in the end but this was a distinct possibility for me for a long time and it is hard to reconcile yourself to. For personal reasons if it's something you need time to readjust to and potentially mourn for. And also because society does still often value women according to their ability to reproduce or history of it.

You're certainly not alone though, which may mean it's an easier road for you than it has been for women in the past. I think 1 in 5 women who are 40 now will never have children.

Jayfee Sun 26-Mar-17 16:53:14

more important to find your soul mate then everything will fall into place

Bambambini Sun 26-Mar-17 16:54:14

Yanbu to be sad - but there is still time. Hope it works out for you.

Gingernut81 Sun 26-Mar-17 16:55:40

One of my colleagues is due to become a mum for the first time soon at 46 - there's still time

Bambambini Sun 26-Mar-17 16:58:26

Yes - my friend who i thought would never have kids had hers at 45. Another fell pregnant eith a very new partner at 38 and now has 3. Again another friend had 3 quick pregnancies with a new parter starting around 37.

milliemolliemou Sun 26-Mar-17 16:59:07

Good luck, OP. I hate the Daily Fail commentators who blame our falling birth rate on "career" women when actually it's some women who would like to have children but haven't found the man they want to marry and have kids with in time. You could still do it alone if you know you can cope or adopt.

DameBurleyChassis Sun 26-Mar-17 16:59:22

YANBU at all. It sucks, but as pp have said, there is still time.

lottielonsdale Sun 26-Mar-17 17:11:19

Thanks, I do appreciate your answers smile Foster carers are amazing but it's a full time job which I just couldn't commit to.

Trills Sun 26-Mar-17 17:15:45

You can probably have a decent and happy life even if you don't have children.

Trills Sun 26-Mar-17 17:16:09

You're not unreasonable to feel sad of course.

lottielonsdale Sun 26-Mar-17 17:20:27

I know but I would feel very, very sad too. And also going into middle and old age possibly without partner or family worries me somewhat, I must admit.

ilovepixie Sun 26-Mar-17 17:21:13

I'm 48 and never became a mum. It just didn't happen for me. I have 2 nephews and a niece who I love very much so I do have children in my life. I also have a 2 year old dog who is my baby who settles my nurturing urges.

limon Sun 26-Mar-17 17:22:52

Lottie I met my dd's dad aged 41 and I had my dd aged 43 and 3/4. Yanbu to feel sad but don't give up hope!

user1484578224 Sun 26-Mar-17 17:26:07

are you being proactive?

lottielonsdale Sun 26-Mar-17 17:26:53

In what sense? smile Thanks for the words of encouragement!

squishee Sun 26-Mar-17 17:29:38

YANBU, of course. I sympathise at 40. So your odds are still better than mine!
To complicate matters my Mr Right thinks he's too old for family plans.

But this is about you OP. If you couldn't commit to fostering how would you commit to parenting, anyway?

lottielonsdale Sun 26-Mar-17 17:37:13

Erm - do you know anything about foster carers!?

Crowdblundering Sun 26-Mar-17 17:38:29

Fostering is a bigger commitment than your own children.

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