A thought on Mothers Day

[minionsrule]

Hi, first post I've started, not really wanting replies but just to make people think.....
Ok so over the years we get repeated posts on MD about DH forgetting/buying crap last minute present/not getting Brekkie in Bed etc/Kids playing up etc and lots of people reply (and I agree) that its just another day - nice to get a treat but in the grand scheme of things not the biggest of problems...... you are quite entitled to feel upset, that is your right, however I would like you to just pause for a moment and think of people less fortunate on this day......

• women who would love to be mums who cannot have a family or are desperately trying to have a family and wonder if they will ever have mothers day
  
• people who have lost their children
  
• elderly mums who's kids don't visit or call
  
• kids who are in care
  
• kids (or adults) who have lost their mums
  

And for those whose DH's are generally crap and never make any effort, then maybe worry about the other 364 days of the year they are crap, not just mothers day.
You have beautiful children, you are a mum (overworked like the rest of us), your kids love you even if they haven't remembered a card or lavish present, your DH probably loves you as well.
A card and a gift (whilst yes nice) on a specific day of the year does not change any of this - be happy for what you have and cherish it.

This isn't a bashing thread on how people should or should not feel, just a bit of perspective.

Happy Mothers Day to one and all x

[LoriD]

I totally agree if you didn't get anything why not go and treat yourself to some flowers etc.

In Starbucks earlier a girl asked me if I wanted to enter a Mother's Day competition to win a coffee for my mum and I was like an no she's des thanks anyways but I've had a lovely weekend so far luckily dp looks after me well as he knows what he means to me. I knows what it means to me because I've told him it does. He asked what I wanted so I said flowers and to go for dinner, hate when people say oh nothing then get annoyed when they don't get anything.

[Crowdblundering]

Well said 👏🏻

[bluejelly]

I agree. I find it strange that people expect their DPs to make a fuss of them. Isn't that what birthdays/anniversaries/valentines etc are for?
I always appreciated a card from my dd but never expected anything from anyone else (to be fair I was a single parent for years so that's probably why!)

[gincamelbak]

So people who feel unappreciated because they haven't been given a card or present essentially have to shut up because... at least they are a mum or at least they have a mum?

Nah.

It's mothers day. If someone feels like it hasn't been marked by their child or partner then they can feel a bit hard done by. They shouldn't have to suck it up just because someone else might have lost people or not been able to have children.

I am very, very sorry for those who have lost mothers and for those who have lost children and for those who have not had children. It took us longer than we had hoped to have children. I know people are suffering.

But that doesn't mean someone else isn't having a bit of a rubbish day when they had hoped to be made to feel special.

[Badhairday1001]

I totally agree. I got a daffodil and a very early start watching my son play rugby, I'm now just cooking tea and then ironing and baths.
A little girl (age 4) was killed around the corner from me in a road accident yesterday and it's really hit home how lucky I am. I am just incredibly grateful to have mine to hug and spend the day with.

[Rufus27]

The ones I really feel for today are those who've recently lost a mother, lost a child or have never been able to be a mother in the first place. As someone who wasn't able to have children, I have had to bite my lips on numerous occasions while I've listened to friends moaning about the tacky card or garage flowers they've been given. This Mother's Day is special for me as it's my first (as an adoptive mum) - a day I never thought would happen; so my thoughts and today are for all those battling infertility or the arduous adoption process. Never give up hope.

[user1490123259]

however I would like you to just pause for a moment and think of people less fortunate on this day......

• women who would love to be mums who cannot have a family or are desperately trying to have a family and wonder if they will ever have mothers day etc
  

With respect, this is absolutely none of your business.

People in these situations don't need mothers patronising them in this way. it makes us feel pitied, degraded, and very very angry.

Its mothers; day, celebrate how you want but don't interfere with other people. WE are adults, we are quite capable of allowing other people their space to celebrate something which doesn't affect us, without feeling hard done by or needing anyone's pity.

I am a mother and have been for 20 years however the residual anger I still feel from people speaking to me like this when i was battling infertility, as left me unable to ever accept as much as a mother's day

They know better than to even mention tht its mothers day, and they know why.

[user1490123259]

however I would like you to just pause for a moment and think of people less fortunate on this day......

• women who would love to be mums who cannot have a family or are desperately trying to have a family and wonder if they will ever have mothers day etc
  

With respect, this is absolutely none of your business.

People in these situations don't need mothers patronising them in this way. it makes us feel pitied, degraded, and very very angry.

Its mothers; day, celebrate how you want but don't interfere with other people. WE are adults, we are quite capable of allowing other people their space to celebrate something which doesn't affect us, without feeling hard done by or needing anyone's pity.

I am a mother and have been for 20 years however the residual anger I still feel from people speaking to me like this when i was battling infertility, as left me unable to ever accept as much as a mother's day card from my children, ever.

They know better than to even mention that its mothers day, and they know why.

[DJBaggySmalls]

YABVU.
People should be allowed to talk about what has happened to them and how they feel about it, without a load of discounting and whataboutery. We should be able to say 'I feel crap about this' without having to add a list of other people who have it worse.

Every single damn thread about 'X did something nasty' you can guarantee someone will leap in with 'well my X is dead so how do you think this makes me feel'.

If the thread upsets you for that reason, leave it.

[Ellisandra]

So, people who have shit partners should suck it up because others have it worse?

Nah.

When I was going through IVF I didn't have that attitude and I don't have it now.

I do agree with your point that if your partner is a thoughtless shit then maybe focus on the fact that's a 365 thing though.

I personally am not bothered about it. But if you make it clear to your partner that you are (and you're not demanding something ridiculous on the day!) then it's a lack of love not to bother. In which case - be with someone who does love you, even if that person is you.

Just because others have it worse, is no reason to let yourself be treated badly.

[hazelnutlatte]

Normally I would have a bit of a moan about not being appreciated on Mother's Day but not this year. Late last night a little girl local to me died after being hit by a car in a hit and run crash. I can't begin to imagine how her mum feels today.

[MagnumAddict]

Sorry OP but everything is relative.

Imagine you broke your leg and instead of any sympathy all you got was at least you have a leg to break.

Where would it end? Of course there are far worse situations and I doubt the posters aren't aware of that.

I'm sure you don't mean it but you are coming across a bit holier than thou.

[gleam]

YANBU, op.

[gleam]

Oh, how horrific. I meant YABU, YABU, YABU!

[Rufus27]

I do agree that it's all relative, despite what I wrote previously. What the day means to people is quite subjective too. For me, it has always meant 'celebrating the gift of motherhood' (probably because it's something I didn't have and was envious of on this day each year) so the crap (or non existent) card or whatever really wouldn't bother me. I accept that had I have had birth children, had never been childless, and was given a shit card or out of date chocs, I would have moaned and felt hard done by. Definitely. But having been on the other side for so long, my only sympathy today is with those who are painfully reminded of their infertility on this day every year. Those with no card or whatever will still wake up tomorrow and have their children. And that's what really matters.

[Ca1ypso]

I sympathise with what you're saying OP, however, I don't believe any mother should make excuses for crap DH's or thoughtless DC on this day. How hard can it be for your family to make an effort in one day a year fgs? Of course the other 364 days are more fundamental in the scheme of life, but that's hardly the point. Consideration on Mother's Day and the rest of the year are not mutually exclusive - in fact, one makes the other more likely. It's a bit like saying birthdays shouldn't matter because some people didn't make it to that age.
I agree that children should never be taken for granted, but mothers should never feel guilty about not wanting to be taken for granted either.

[UnbornMortificado]

I've lost 2 children (although I have two DD's so I'm still "lucky") those losses don't and shouldn't effect what other people consider upsetting.

It's like berating someone for being upset their house has burned down because at least they had one to burn down.

[OhhBetty]

I lost a child before having ds. I would have hated to think that there were loads of mums with surviving children pitying me on mother's day!
Other people's sadness doesn't reduce your own. People can't help how they feel. The world would be very different if they could.
Also, I don't think it's about receiving gifts and cards, it's about feeling appreciated and loved for many mothers. I'd be sad if I didn't feel loved or appreciated tbh and I think most people would be too.

[PurpleMinionMummy]

You can be happy for what you have and cherish it and be disappointed no one made an effort for mothers day. They're not mutually exclusive.

[yayforsummer]

Amen to that!

[Sweets101]

No i think it's one day a year to show a bit extra appreciation to your mum. I wouldn't ignore it for my mum and my children love it, which i actively encourage. If i had a partner I'd be highly unimpressed if they didn't teach the DC how to do mother's day from a young age, as i don't i do it myself.
Wrt people without/lost DC, of course they have my sympathy but it isn't relevant to how my family does mother's day.

[AutumnEve]

OP thank you for your thread. I lost my mother and I'm now struggling with infertility. Today has been a very thoughtful one for me.

[minionsrule]

Appreciate people who have commented, either agreeing or disagreeing - I won't respond to individual comments as I wasn't looking to get people riled up and am not looking to start any tit for tat - it was just some thoughts.
to anyone who is finding today hard and yes I know this is a place to come and have a moan that's why I said people are quite entitled to feel upset if they feel let down or disappointed.
Enjoy the rest of your evening everyone

[minionsrule]

Sorry I do want to reply to one
User .....529, I'm sorry if you thought I was being patronising, that really really was not my intent and I apologise if you felt that way.

[corythatwas]

Don't you think some of those who complain about feeling unappreciated might actually be unappreciated? How do we know they all have beautiful children (or even very nice ones)? Some teenagers, or adult children, are pretty horrible. How do we know they have loving partners? You don't have to read the relationships board for very long to realise that there is a lot of variation here.

This is the first Mother's Day that dh has not been able to make a hand-painted card for his mother, that we have not been able to travel up to be with her, that he can no longer tell her how much he loves her. And you know what? He knows he is one of the lucky ones.