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But can you spoil a baby by holding them?

(230 Posts)
Missmac84 Sun 26-Mar-17 12:17:26

My 2 week old cries unless being held or in his pram.

My sister was up last week and spent the whole week holding him apart from at bedtime.

Can this have caused the issues I'm now having or am I being daft?!

Kennington Sun 26-Mar-17 12:19:30

No you cannot spoil a baby by holding them.
I personally think it is super important to hold babies and children lots.

ShowMePotatoSalad Sun 26-Mar-17 12:20:03

Of course you can't spoil a baby by holding them. He's a newborn - he's spent 9 months being cradled in your womb. Why are people surprised when the baby cries to be held? It's a natural instinct for the baby to be held by his caregivers.

MrsRaymondReddington Sun 26-Mar-17 12:20:36

No, not for a 2 week old. Have a read of the 4th a FTM it really helped me understand a lot about the early days. Congratulations though! flowers

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter Sun 26-Mar-17 12:24:26

No you c at spoil them, I think babies need comfort and contact and they need hugs

BastardBloodAndSand Sun 26-Mar-17 12:25:31

It's a tricky one.

No, you can't. But then again every year exhausted parents have babies die because they've 'fallen asleep' holding them. Or been so exhausted theyve taken unsafe risks co sleeping and had awful consequences.

Be realistic, I taught both mine to self settle.......not by leaving them to scream but popping them down when sleepy but awake after a feed and from day one would put them down awake but with me near.

Heirhelp Sun 26-Mar-17 12:27:13

No you can't. You can damage children but not meeting their emotional needs and not cuddling them enough.

Get yourself a sling and you and you can have cuddles all the time and get out and about all at the same time.

Missmac84 Sun 26-Mar-17 12:27:45

Thank you for your replies. I appreciate the support that some have shown xxx

Showmepotatosalad - why do people have to be so blunt and almost rude when replying. It takes a lot for people to admit that they're not always sure what they are doing. I don't need you to shoot me down with a rude reply.
Please think about how you come across to future mums as you have no idea what their circumstances are or how much they know.

Heirhelp Sun 26-Mar-17 12:27:52

If you want to cosleep then do it safely look up ISIS cosleeping.

MyBreadIsEggy Sun 26-Mar-17 12:28:17

Have a read about the 4th trimester and it will make sense.
Your baby has spent 9 months nestled in a warm, cosy, safe environment, hearing your heartbeat and your voice. Now he's out and has all this space to work with and to him - that's scary as hell! He knows that mummy means safety, warmth and food.
Hold your baby smile he won't be little forever!
I have to wrestle my almost 2yo for a cuddle these days!

WowserBowser Sun 26-Mar-17 12:31:00

Dd is 5 months old. I spend a ridicuous amount of time cuddling her. She has the majority of her naps on me. But has slept through the night in a moses basket since 6 weeks.

She's a lovely contented little thing.

I did the same with Ds who is 6. We have a lovely bond and there's never been any bad sides from all the cuddling.

I love the newborn stage.

Enjoy your baby smile

Spam88 Sun 26-Mar-17 12:35:24

At my 28 week appointment the midwife specifically said you can't spoil a baby and don't let people tell you otherwise. If they cry it's most likely because they want feeding, a nappy change or a cuddle. She also said there's research that indicates that the more you respond to them the more their brains develop. So cuddle away!

LoupGarou Sun 26-Mar-17 12:37:13

No you can't spoil a baby. Attachment makes babies more confident and happier, not clingier. DS was attached to me almost permanently until he started crawling, I carried him everywhere in a sling, even about the house as he would not be put down and would not go in a pram. We coslept too, and still do now although DS has just asked this morning if he can use his own bed, so we'll try it tonight.

He's three now and we are always being told how confident, happy and fearless he is.

2014newme Sun 26-Mar-17 12:37:35

But over time putting them down awake is a good thing so they can learn to sleep without being rocked to sleep fir hours. But at two weeks?! Cuddle away!

museumum Sun 26-Mar-17 12:41:47

No. You can't spoil a two week old.
I think we ought to gradually and gently introduce babies to the idea they can feel safe in their own cot or pram or wherever but not at two weeks. I mean gradually and gently over the first 6 mo of life (though some will take longer and that's ok too it's just them not what you do really).

palebluesky Sun 26-Mar-17 12:43:11


But I also think that having babies fall asleep somewhere that's not on mum is a good thing.

insancerre Sun 26-Mar-17 12:44:53

Read why love matters by sue gerhartd
She suggests just the opposite
All those interactions as a baby make the brain baby's brain develop
In extreme cases not comforting children can have dire consequences e.g. The Romanian orphanages

statetrooperstacey Sun 26-Mar-17 12:47:06

I think if you hold them all and every time they are sleeping they struggle to learn how to sleep alone. Rod for your own back and all that. as a pp said I always put mine down awake (or tried to 90% of the time ) and if they dropped off I would put them in their Moses basket , other than that cuddle away, nest on the sofa for the early weeks.
If you put him down and he grumbles a bit ignore it, or pat him, if he cries properly pick him up. It doesn't last long he will grow up fast!

Pinkheart5915 Sun 26-Mar-17 12:59:04

No you can't spoil a baby by cuddling them, babies espically newborn babies need comfort/love from being held they like being close to someone.

TittyGolightly Sun 26-Mar-17 13:05:22

I think if you hold them all and every time they are sleeping they struggle to learn how to sleep alone. Rod for your own back and all that.

Have we slipped back to the Victorian era?

The baby is 2 WEEKS old and by rights should still be inside his mother getting everything he needs. What you suggest is not optimal for his health or wellbeing.

LoupGarou Sun 26-Mar-17 13:10:50

Yy TittyGolightly. I thought that the "they won't learn to sleep by themselves/settle themselves/whatever" school of thought had been proven to be rubbish?

Uberfluffs Sun 26-Mar-17 13:28:00

No, I think that they need it when they're very young. Just make sure that they slowly get used to being away from you in a way that they're comfortable with as they get older though.

BeaderBird Sun 26-Mar-17 13:30:05

No, you can't spoil a baby in that way but you can be ridiculously defensive and reply inappropriately to a poster who is actually in support of giving you baby as many cuddles as you would like but you have chosen to misinterpret the post. It seems to be that Showmepotatosalad was just suprised at the notion that people do believe that you can. Why you have taken this as a slight I don't know. By posting this thread you have shown that you are not such a person as you were unsure.

I think you're the one that has posted inappropriately.

Eminado Sun 26-Mar-17 13:36:18

I think you misinterpreted Showme's post.

Read up on 4th trimester.

And if it's any use, I spent--still spend-- as much time cuddling my 2nd DD as possible as it goes soooo fast. Bonus is she is a MUCH better sleeper / self settler than DD1. Enjoy your baby cuddles.

cathf Sun 26-Mar-17 13:42:45

This thread will not end well - they never do.
If anyone dares to suggest anything other than permanent attachment to baby 24/7 for the first two years, they will be shot down in flames.
Unless you have nothing else to do for the next two years, I would suggest giving dome thought to the idea of putting baby down so they get used to the idea.
At two weeks, your baby probably has no concept of being spoiled, but I would start as early as possible so that separation is normalised, not something for baby to he afraid of.
It's OK being very happy to sit holding baby endlessly when they are tiny - and often we have no choice - BUT I would sound a note if caution to keep an eye on things as baby gets older.
A quick look on the sleep board here shows how this can escalate - mums in a panic because they are going back to work and baby will only nap on them.
So no, you can't spoil a newborn, but make sure you take steps when baby starts to get a little older.

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