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Chubby child- everyone saying she isn't chubby to the mam... isn't that worse?

(69 Posts)
WhateverNameIsStillAvailable Sun 26-Mar-17 10:33:06

I have an aquaintance - I wouldn't call her a close enough friend... and she had a rant on fb how a man has told her dd (5) that she's quite chubby. She attached a pic of her dd. Her dd is very upset now of course.
This I think is absolutely terrible and that man had no right to destroy a little girls self - esteem. It was a cruel thing to say and is totally wrong!
However all the comments on it are saying to not mind him she's not fat at all and that she's gorgeous and not an ounce overweight.
The mum then took her dd for ice cream to make her feel better. Her mum was quite chubby herself but lost loaf's of weight.
Don't get me wrong Im no stick insect im a size 12 with a mam bod and think everyone should feel sexy in their own body and are!!!
But this little girl is clearly very overweight at the age of 5 and I'm more concerned about her health really. Is it not wrong of her friends to tell her she's fine?
Are they not doing more harm than good?
She has seen a nutritionist for her as the public health nurse referred her. Aparently the nutritionist didn't know anything when she suggested to swap sausages for real meat etc etc.

I do feel awful for even saying this out loud but that little girl is quite overweight and I wish she would listen to the nutritionist for her health.
I don't feel I'm in a position to say anything to her as we aren't close friends.
Maybe I am being Unreasonable I'm not sure. And really its none of my business... I just feel obesity is on the rise and maybe that's why...

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered Sun 26-Mar-17 10:37:44

It is wrong for the friends to deny that the little girl is overweight, we're in such a fat denialist culture that many parents have no idea their DC are too big because big has become the new normal.

You're absolutely right not to say anything though, if the daft mother won't even listen to a nutritionist and nurse then you'd be fighting a losing battle (plus it's not your place, as you have realised).

U2HasTheEdge Sun 26-Mar-17 10:41:21


mumofone1234 Sun 26-Mar-17 10:41:59

Facebook is not the place for people to be piling in telling her that her daughter is overweight though. That would be awful!

Sunnysky2016 Sun 26-Mar-17 10:50:41

My son is overweight, I now he's is overweight, he knows he's overweight. So he's been eating healthier, having breakfast, no ice cream, chocolate, sweets etc and has lost a stone so far. He's tall and broad like his dd so will never be a skinny minny. But we are trying our best as a family for him (we have all cut out crap to support him).
Would I have put him on fb and asked people was he overweight? No, because I didn't need other people to tell me.
I think this little girls mums perception of her daughter is wrong and not many people will turn around and say 'yes your child is overweight' so all this does is a) shame her daughter on social media b) gives the mum validation that nothing is wrong.
Having an overweight child is not nice. I've had to hold him when he's cried for being made fun of. I've had to tell him to ignore the 'fat' comments. But I also had to say- but they are right, even if that hurts me to say.
Mum is doing no favours for her little girl, she needs to take this opportunity to help her child take a grasp on her weight.
So OP I don't think YRBU but I can see why you would find it difficult to say anything if you aren't close. Hopefully someone close will be honest, for the sake of her child.

Wando1986 Sun 26-Mar-17 10:54:27

My neice is overweight.

My darling neurotic SIL used to feed her full chippy meals (think chicken fried rice and chips) and adult McDonalds when she was barely 2. The salt level alone would have been enough to kill a younger child.

She was always going to be a tall chold as my brother is 6ft2 and she was 5ft11. But they didn't need to make her fat too.

She's now 9 and the size of a small hippo and probably wont grow in to it as she gets older.

It makes us all very sad as it's caused her to be bullied at school already and yet her mother still keeps feeding her crap.

The even worse part is that you can tell even at 9 she's very upset and angry about it, and has been for a few years which has resulted in her becoming a not so very nice child at all sad she's very nasty because of it and probably won't be a very nice teen or adult either.

sailorcherries Sun 26-Mar-17 10:58:50

My son is classed as overweight for his age, although it seems consistent with his growth charts.
When he was born he was on the 99.8th percentile for both height and weight. He has remained on that same percentile ever since. I've taken him to see gps as he hasn't leaned out nor has his weight/height stopped growing at the same rate. They've told me not to worry about it yet.

He's over 4.5ft tall, a head and shoulders above almost anyone his own age and wears an age 10-11 for both the waist and length of clothes. The HV once predicted he'd stop growing at about 6.5ft and he'd get there as a teenager.

No one has batted an eyelid about his weight, as he is apparently still waiting for that childhood spurt where he will grow but his weight will remain the same and he'll lean out.

Now he doesn't get loads of treats, home cooked meals possibly 5/7 with the other two possibly being nuggets with beans and homemade 'chips' etc. He eats fruit although possibly could do it a little more. I'd say his diet is the same as many children his age, he just so happens to be bigger.
He is very active and never seems to stop.

My point, I know my son is bigger than most but he has been his entire life. No health professional is concerned and he eats well and is active. If some stranger called him fat and then someone else commented on a Facebook post saying the same thing I'd go postal. I don't need anyone else to tell me what I already know, without them knowing the actual circumstances.
Plus, the mothers size is bugger all to do with the child. There are plenty of overweight adults with perfectly normal sized childre, don't be so rude.

SuperMoonIsKeepingMeUpToo Sun 26-Mar-17 11:02:50

Wando - that's so sad.

Trifleorbust Sun 26-Mar-17 11:03:13

MN isn't the best place to come for a balanced discussion about children and food. But YANBU - if she's fat, she's fat.

TheRealPooTroll Sun 26-Mar-17 11:06:54

I think people were commenting so the mum could show the child and help her feel better. No 5 yo should even have to think about their weight. Medical conditions aside a 5yos weight should be managed by their parents through diet and exercise without the child even being aware. It is a shame that the girls parents aren't taking care of her health but like pp's have said if they aren't going to listen to a nutritionist they aren't going to listen to you.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Sun 26-Mar-17 11:07:37

Well the child may be over weight, but That's not for a jumped up prick to point out.

sailorcherries Sun 26-Mar-17 11:11:02

Oh and I'm not in denial about my sons weight but I do also know him and the situation better than you or the random man in the street.

Agree with poo about people commenting to make the 5 year old feel better. She already had a shitty day and doesn't need you to make it worse.

limitedperiodonly Sun 26-Mar-17 11:14:05

You're right. It really is none of your business

WhateverNameIsStillAvailable Sun 26-Mar-17 11:14:35

Sorry sailorcherries if you felt my post was being rude and you may have felt attacked this was not my intention at all.
I only mentioned her weight because maybe she doesn't see it or thinks her nutrition is the perfect thing to give to her child and that is why the little one is overweight. I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong I'm just thinking that maybe she should listen to the nutritionist and the doctor. I wasn't attacking you personally.
I have two children ds is as skinny and dd isn't . She has like your child always been on the bigger side from birth. As my son has always been on the small side. They both eat the same meals and get fresh veg and fruit each day.
And yes you're right fb is certainly not the place to tell her even by close friends.
I just feel that she isn't aware and rejects any help given to her by the doctor's . It's like she's in denial and like wando said she could turn into a big adult by denying the help.
This little girl isn't slightly chubby she can't run and join in games and while it's totally wrong to let the child know I feel it's the mums responsibility to make sure her child eats the right things to give her a fair start in life.
It's not my business so I won't say anything to her but I can't help but wonder and worry how many people are denying the help offered and I do feel sorry for her little soul.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe Sun 26-Mar-17 11:15:33

The child may well be quite overweight and maybe close enough friends could find a way to gently steer a conversation with the mum. Maybe...

There's a time and a place though isn't there? The time certainly isn't just after her child has been judged and upset by some fucking arsehole and the place will never, ever be Facebook.

SleepFreeZone Sun 26-Mar-17 11:15:48

I think my son Is tracking on the 91st centile for height and weight and yet you can see his ribs, so I'm not sure about those guidelines. If she is obviously overweight then the mother is doing her no favours whatsoever. Keep your head down though as your opinion would not be wanted or acted upon.

x246 Sun 26-Mar-17 11:16:43

YANBU. Perfectly possible to say what an arsehole the guy was without denying that the girl is overweight at the same time.

LovingLola Sun 26-Mar-17 11:30:27

She's worse to put a picture of her daughter on Facebook.

Knifegrinder Sun 26-Mar-17 11:33:35

Sorry, OP, I agree with all the sensible points made, about how random strangers commenting on a young child's body, and a FB photo poll are completely unhelpful, and inappropriate, but I can't get past the phrase 'mam bod'.

'Mam bod'.

WhateverNameIsStillAvailable Sun 26-Mar-17 11:35:36

Sailorcherries I don't see how I'm making her day worse?
I haven't said anything to her I just feel people are lying to her mam making her feel better. Yes that guy was an arsehole but she can't run she's that big at 5 years old. Like x246 said there's no need to deny her obvious health problems.

WhateverNameIsStillAvailable Sun 26-Mar-17 11:37:56

'Mam bod' = sexy as #@$# of course!

NotYoda Sun 26-Mar-17 11:41:58

They all sound like a bunch of twats. Who says that, and who posts that on FB? And who responds to that on FB? The world's gone mad

limitedperiodonly Sun 26-Mar-17 11:43:11

If you're so concerned about it, tell her her child is fat. There's no point telling us. She's not our child.

bigbuttons Sun 26-Mar-17 11:44:07

What exactly is a 'mam bod'?
I am petite, a size 6 with no boobs and pretty much straight up and down. I have 6 children. Do I have a 'mam bod'? Genuine question btw?

NotYoda Sun 26-Mar-17 11:44:35

True, limited

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